In all the ruckus of the fake profile, I forgot to mention that I got a sonogram last week, and I am not pregnant, and there are no leftovers if I was. It was a big relief in light of the past month and a half’s events.
I had what looked like spotting/implantation bleeding a few days after Psatanish, and thought my period was coming. My boobs were swollen, and eventually I started lactating. I had one light positive pregnancy test, so I waited. In that time, my period finally came about 2 weeks late. I’m still lactating a little, but it’s mostly clear with some white streaks, which is why I went to Dr. Erlich (my gynecologist and seriously, one of the best) to see if maybe there was something left that needed scraping.
The funeral was partly for the maybe baby. I don’t know if I was actually pregnant or somehow my hormones just went weird, but if I was and it survived, it would be very difficult for me to do the right thing.
I write a lot about men’s rights, and it’s all good so long as the men are behaving like men. What if they’re not though?
What if the guy was stupid and childish and takes no personal responsibility for his actions? Does he really deserve the rights of a man simply because he has a penis and, through deception, managed to reproduce?
Does a mother who behaves unwomanly and harms the father or potential father of her children deserve the rights that good women do?
No, neither does. Unmanly men whether through active violence or passive neglect, who harm the mother or potential mothers of their children, do not deserve to be treated like men. Unwomanly women who harm fathers or potential fathers don’t deserve to be treated like women. Neither’s feelings or “rights” should be taken into account when making life or death decisions because neither is an adult.
Since he said he doesn’t care, I’d take him at his word. I did nothing to him to deserve him lying to me or targeting me as a potential ticket to wherever, and since that was apparently his only interest in me anyway, I’d be stupid to allow him to use the child for that.
However, part of taking responsibility is paying whatever consequences there are for one’s stupidity. For my honor, I’d have to tell him, and let the chips fall where they may.
He was so wrapped up in himself and his problems (that may or may not have been real), that I could never tell him what was going on. I thought that he was sincere, and that he had enough problems, and that it wasn’t a good thing to bother him with a maybe, and that before I started disrupting both our families’ calm with news, I’d wait until there was some actual news.
In hindsight, that was a good decision. If I was pregnant, he may have kept me around just for a passport. Worse, he might have kept me around until the baby was born, made his excuses after, and taken our child. It would end up being raised by whatever failures of teaching adult responsibility raised him.