Birds Of All Sorts Land

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Last week, Tiger and I had a date, but he broke it because he felt guilty that he had not told a “woman” he had been chatting with online that we were together. It’s pretty clear that he was being either catfished or was in a ghost relationship, as in an entire year she’d never done a live video chat with him. He has no idea who she really is or if she is even she, he, or they or how old they are or anything. After a lot of talk about goodness knows what but not confirming her identity, they professed their love for each other. He felt bad because he hadn’t told her that he wasn’t exactly single, even though there was no indication that this was relevant to her.

So he put me on the shelf because of some…ghost.

I made it clear that I was not happy with this and that he was being rude and disloyal. I told him that to make it up to me was going to require a very nice date. Because love makes people stupid, I told him that I could forgive his stupid, but he needs to get her into a video chat within the next 24 hours. If he doesn’t then he needs to cut it off. Then to get back with me, he has to take me on a very nice date to apologize.

He didn’t manage to get her into a chat, so he told me that he’d take me on the date this week.

…but then yesterday he tells me he needs to think again.

I don’t need this shit.  I am recovering from a knee replacement. My focus needs to be on healing, not having this crap hanging over my head that someone I love might walk away.

So I let my sadness mellow a bit and slept on it. Then this morning, I made things easier for him. I told him basically that he’s been single since the broken date as far as I’m concerned. I love him, but as long as he’s flakey, he is unsafe.

Even if he comes to his senses, it’s a long road to earn my trust once it is broken. I can forgive people, but I never forget, and truthfully, since the first time he dumped me, I’ve been basically sure he’d do it again because though some things improved, some things didn’t. He’s still dreaming of that 20 year old hottie who’s into his fetishes, wants to have sex with him not just to make babies and get his paycheck, has home skills, and well, happily ever after. Somehow he got in his head that being with me would somehow thwart that miracle, if it ever happened.

He thought he’d met this miracle online until she ghosted him.

He still thinks he’s going to run into this miracle somewhere, somehow…and you know what? He might. If I found him attractive, then why not someone else with more conventional qualifications? It can happen.

Thing is I don’t need to be attached to someone who is convinced he can do better than me, or to whom better means younger or prettier or the right ethnicity or whatever. I find out that someone thinks they can do better, and is going to mistreat and be rude and disloyal to me for even the most flimsy sniff of better, then he’s got to go. He can fuck off and do better then.

Problem is they never do. The ones who walk away like that always come back eventually, chastened by the reality. The problem is that they actually expect me to be open to taking them back…because they still think they can do better and I should be grateful that they finally recognized that maybe I could be passable. By then, like Papa II, they want me to be available, but all their investment of time, resources, and everything else aside of dick, is pouring into some woman’s life who doesn’t even want them.

Maybe Tiger will fare better. Who knows?

Even so, I am not waiting around for him to appreciate me. Rather than endure the slow 3:15 torture, I just ripped it off like a bandage.

So now that it’s over, all the deception at the root of this runs through my mind…the, “I prefer older women.” Yeah right.

I understand now he was just saying that to get me to lower my defenses. Not falling for that again.

From now on, this older woman wants dates at good restaurants as foreplay and gold jewelry on holidays and birthdays from anyone who wants to be taken seriously. If a dude doesn’t match the equivalent investment of someone MY age, then at the most, he is just a friendly dick. He can come, do his job, and gtfo, and that’s only if he matches my fetishes. Otherwise, they are sexually invisible to me.

Too old for this drama.

So now he has as much space as he needs of whatever. I’m moving on. If he has any sense, he’ll catch up. If not, then fuck him for abandoning me at a painful and vulnerable time in my life. My blessings go with me.

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