Second time around of getting over this dude, something that baffles me is how a traitor can think they’re better than anyone. I mean, when fielding one’s options, they’re going to be thinking what’s the most they can get for the least amount of loyalty. They just aren’t wired like sincere people. I guess when they’re young, they experiment with being real, and sometimes I’m the lab in that case…but once they make the decision that reality doesn’t have a high enough payoff in status, external approval, money or whatever, they know they are a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve to breathe.
So I took a deep breath as a loving person and accepted that it’s not really that he doesn’t think I’m good enough…not that what he thinks matters much. It’s that he has chosen to basically marry anyone who fits the statistics, whether he loves her at all or not, and raise children that he might not love much, because that’s what “normal” people here do. They lie. They go through the motions and do their job for whichever “race” they feel they belong to, and produce offspring who hate themselves enough to do the same.
Self love is a dangerous thing, and I am subversive for encouraging it. People who love themselves don’t set themselves up for self torture or desire to torture others. That he would torture me now is just a practice run. He’s steeling himself for the big game.
So in this case, even though it’s a learning experience…an important one for “none of the (religions/ethnicities) above” who are living in Israel, I have to go radio silence on this matter after this. Just in case he might happen upon my blog, he should not see the details of the final extraction. I will hold it for in case someone I’m close to or a client needs the wisdom, but I won’t be posting about it anywhere. I’m just going to let whatever happens inside happen at its own speed.
Whenever that day comes that I am fully over it, there will be no going back. Like Papa II and others who’ve betrayed me since, the part of me that wanted them will dissolve.
I understand why they are evil. I forgive them because it takes a lot of strength not to be evil. If they are fortunate, life will teach them the folly of it…but that is no longer my business. I just can’t allow myself the chance of condoning that kind of corruption with a happy ending of redemption and reconciliation.
A hard life lesson traitors need to learn is that some things you say and do can result in your losing someone forever.
Were I to interrupt that lesson, I would be irresponsible.