Crazy Christians…This is why it is so important not to Santa Claus the unfathomable, omnipotent, and omnipresent Creator of the Universe.  You can’t believe that people are going to hell for not believing in your Santa, especially when yours is either nonexistent or a demon who feeds on adoration.  You know which gods people serve by their actions, not their words.  If you are a Christian, get back to your pre-Paul roots…or hey, take a lesson from Jesus himself, who never asked anyone to worship him and helped Pagan Romans without trying to convert them.  If he felt their souls were in danger, he’d have said so.  Instead, he just helped them.

What do you figure Luke chapter 4 on the temptation on the mountain was about?  When Satan dared Jesus that if he was the son of God, to jump off the mountain, even Jesus Christ himself bowed to natural law and answered that one should not tempt God.  In his human form, whether just a prophet or an avatar of God/Allah/Obatala/YHWH or whatever you choose to call It, he expressed in one short sentence that it is not our place as mortal humans to presume ourselves above the Perfect Creator and Its carefully and wonderfully made universe.

So it’s certainly not our place to presume ownership of heaven or hell by attempting to force people to follow what is a sociopathic Santa in the sky.  This is the mistake of most judaic belief systems that broke away from Judaism itself.  Yeah I’m talking to you Muslims who can’t seem to get your heads around the fact that your prophet was human too, that he studied esoterism with Christians and Pagans, and that his push to convert people was both political and a reaction to real problems like human sacrifice for profit.  Now, some of your crazies are running around doing human sacrifice for profit and a twisted “honor” that is anything but.

Jesus was a Jew.  Muhammad derived Islam from Judaism.  Jews aren’t perfect.  They have crazies too, but not so many because they have to go *against* the basic teachings of the faith to try to force others to believe as they do.  They understand that a righteous Gentile is serving the same God that they are.

Why don’t Christians and Muslims get this? It’s because they are mostly certainly not serving the God of Abraham.  By their “fruits”, they are serving Beelzebub who is well known for causing bloodshed and destruction through tyranny, and leading people to worship and serve demons.  Think about it…what better way to get people to worship demons and feed the pride of Lucifer, who wanted to be God, than by getting them to call Lucifer by the same title, cause undue suffering, and give human sacrifices?

I’m agnostic.  I understand that there is no way for me to fathom the Unfathomable, so nature is my prophet.  I understand that not everybody is capable of living like this and staying productive, so I’m cool with religions.  I use tools from a variety of belief systems myself, that don’t conflict with nature.  If you are a follower of a particular faith, then you need to think about what your faith really is.  What does it lead you to do?  Are you really bringing more light into this realm, or more darkness?  Are you guiding your children or thought policing them?  Are you a parent or a tyrant?  Are you a preacher or are you a warlord?

Are you jumping off the mountain?  Are you taking the dirty deal with the devil to gain adoration for your demon?  When the people around you are praising the lord, which lord are they praising?  Is it a truly unfathomable God who created a universe that works just fine if people honor it, or is it Beelzebub dressed up like Santa, who is leading you to screw up your kids or kill your parents for not goose stepping precisely enough?

Look at your life, and you’ll know the answer.

Yeah, I know my entire friends list and many of you readers are doubling over in laughter now.  When you’re done, wipe your eyes and read on as I’ll explain why some people are under this (stupid) impression.

Old People Sex

A great many people don’t come out of whatever closet they’re in until they’re in their 30′s or older.  When they do, these are going to be drawn to communities because they haven’t had the time to grow up with fellow freaks.

So alternative clubs are always going to have their share of oldbies and old newbies tucked in a corner somewhere.  Meets, munches, and play parties are going to me majority 40+.  Thing is, not being stressed out about the same things most normal people stress out about, and a certain level of self care deems that most of us don’t look anywhere near our age…above the neck anyway.

Young people who missed being freaks in high school and university, and others who are newly out of the closet walk into meetings and see a bunch of imperfect people who don’t look particularly old, but mostly are.  Then there’s the fact that we don’t give a rat’s arse what someone’s rating on a 1-10 scale is, so long as they’re likeminded.  The community may not be particularly attractive to ugly people (for reasons I’ll explain later in this post), but we’re not holding it against anyone.  Everyone has a bit of ugly.

There is some ugly however, that is ubiquitous among the normals, that you just don’t generally see in the BDSM community.

One kind of ugliness that is extremely rare in the BDSM community is contempt lines.  My roomate L.E. calls this “butt face”.  Butt face is the reason so many women over the age of 27 are getting Botox.  It’s a particular wrinkle pattern that develops from a woman holding her face in an expression of contempt for too long, too often.  Contempt causes unconscious, uncontrollable contractions of facial muscles that start to show in the mid to late 20′s and get really deep by the mid 30′s.  There isn’t much of this “bad witch” look, even among Dommes who specialize in mean, because outside of playtime, we’re not generally mean people.

Another kind of ugly you don’t see that often in the community is plastic surgery scarring.  It’s not that no BDSM’er ever gets nipped here or lifted there.  It’s just rare to see the Frankenstein show unless someone has a particular fetish for looking like a cyborg…and when they do, they usually have a better outcome because they are concerned with actual aesthetics and looking “biomechanical”, and are not just desperate to fit into the mainstream.  It’s less 90210 and more Giger.

For the same reasons that you don’t see much butt face and Frankenbarbie, you also don’t see malnourished slim.  The skinny among us tend to be legitimately healthier…wirey men and soft women who don’t look like meth addicts with elephant skin.

In fact, especially for subs, skin care is extremely important.  If one likes spanking and such, it’s crucial to have skin that can take what one’s Master or Mistress has to give.  So you don’t see a whole lot of bad skin in the community.

We like sexy clothes.  Whether one is Dom, sub, sWiTCh, or like me, relative and 70% vanilla, we like to look good.  We’re very looks conscious people, just not looks obsessed.  I think this, aside of the community age issue, is what confuses people the most.  A girl can be a 10, but if she has the wrong attitude, no Dom wants to own her.  She’ll end up being pumped and dumped or picked up, run ragged, and put down.

Doms aren’t blind, and they aren’t totally disconnected from the sexual market.  They just have different priorities.  They’re also generally more aware of what they want, and a harpy is not it.  They make no apologies for this, and are quite often willing to pass over a smoking hot bitch to get to the fat, bubbly, pleasant, sensitive woman standing behind her.

Speaking of which, fat submissive women are quite uncommon under the age of 30 or so.  I’ve seen quite a few chubby ones, but a lower proportion than are in the general population.  Most young women I know into the rough stuff are slim…especially if they’re even mildly exhibitionist.

Dommes are often bigger likely because they’re often older, higher testosterone, and just generally more assertive and “together” than average.  Submissive men don’t mind a bit of weight leverage.

This leads us into another of the confusing aspects.  Some formerly hot attention whores who don’t want to do anything to better themselves but have too big entitlement complexes think that they can come into BDSM to escape from the realities of the general sexual market.  They are wrong.  If a Domme looks like she has no control of herself, she’s not going to be very attractive to subs.  The normal self-hating fattie attitude is going to look too dangerous.

A sub has to be able to trust you with his life.  If you are fat, you’d better still be taking care of yourself otherwise.  People in the community don’t demand media perfection in the way normal sheeple do, but because of this, their standards of behavior are going to be higher.

Big because you have health issues or are a higher T woman, or have a sedentary job, or hey, even because you followed the USDA for too long, isn’t going to be bothersome.  Resenting younger, hotter girls who aren’t even competing for the same attention is bothersome.  Getting insecure because your sub’s girlfriend is cute is bothersome.  Being domineering and irresponsible rather than dominant is bothersome.  Pigging out uncontrollably on chocolate every day, hiding food, and other addictive behavior is bothersome.

Big and bad assed is good.  Big and insecure is bad.

Now, I can understand some of the confusion, but what I don’t get is why people who’ve only dipped their toes in, won’t listen to the people who’ve been doing it for decades already.  One lady in the abyss comments said she went to a meeting for submissive women and felt “ousted”.  She thinks that the reason is because she was prettier than the other women there.

I highly doubt that she was the prettiest one there or in the entire community in her area, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.  I think the reason she got the cold shoulder is because of some…uncontrollable, unconscious facial expression that let everybody know she was juding them as less worthy than her based on looks.  Considering most submissive women are owned within a short time of coming out, and the ones who would be at a meeting were likely all owned, this would be rather presumptuous on her part.

Let’s just say she was a mini goddess who was actually benevolent and cool, who floated into the meeting on a cloud.  If this was so, and you had a poly Master, and were maybe Bi yourself, if she was that hot, wouldn’t you want to be her friend?  I sure would.  I’d be scared she might catch a bad one (there are bad ones in every scene) or some newbie who wouldn’t know how to handle her.

All us old broads who are sub, bottom, or relative, or even somewhat submissive vanilla, know what it’s like to be a dove among harpies.  It’s very easy to get one’s self hurt.  What I see happen every time a hot young girl who doesn’t act “fasnickety” comes into a group of kinky women is an immediate protective reaction.  Even if she is a little stuck up, one of the semi martyr brigade will befriend her and try to crack the protective snobbiness shell, for the girl’s own good.  BDSM or even vanilla submissiveness can be a dangerous adventure, and we all need understanding friends.

I was probably 10-20 years younger than a fair proportion of the women around me when I stepped into a TPE munch in the D.C. area for the first time.  This was the first time I entered a community that wasn’t mostly GLBT and people around my age.  They welcomed me with open arms despite my being relative.  Granted, I was fat, but so are a lot of people.

Before I was fat, I had loads of fun in the GLBT general “scene”.  Nobody ever made me feel unwelcome.  I bought my first riding crop at the little shop in the back of the Hidden Door in Corpus Christi.  I got a lot of help even long before that, in learning the ropes, and learning to be okay with not being sexually normal.  This kept me from becoming an absolute raging slut just because I felt nothing with or for most guys I encountered.

So what gives?

I think it’s as Hypatia says, “When the cat can’t get to the milk, he says the milk is sour.”  The confused girl entered a scene where her looks didn’t mean the same thing they mean to the normals.  We value health and beauty, but not at the expense of love and trust.

As to the guys who say I got into BDSM because I was fat, here’s a little reminder of what I looked like the year I realized that I liked the smell of sweat mixed with metal:

I find The Obsidian Files to be more proactive and more realistic, so if I was going to tell a guy where to go for support, I’d recommend Obsidian.  He’s blunt, but not as rigid, and can relate to a guy who’s struggling.  He has a lot of life experience, and has seen things a guy with testicles should probably have seen by a certain age, and tends to pursue a less feminist, more nurturing class of women.  Roissy is still working out whatever issues he has with flaming harpies.  In my opinion, pursuit of “lawyerbitches” and the like is self inflicted misery which leads one to severe selection bias.  Hopefully, his current girlfriend is helping to smooth out those rough edges.  Girl must be a saint.

At Citizen Renegade though, I get a perspective that I wouldn’t normally get to see from the inside.  People who like you and have an interest in seeing you happy aren’t usually going to tell you the darker bits of the truth.  For that, you’ve got to steel yourself, and talk to people who hate you.

Haters may be just as irrational as people who love you, but somewhere in the middle is the balance; the truth.  In the past couple of years, I’ve been called every name in the book, but I’ve learned A LOT about men.  I already had a reasonable hold of reality, thanks to my Dad, but my Dad loves me.  Everything he says to me is designed to help me, and barring a few issues, he doesn’t sugarcoat, but he doesn’t want to undermine my confidence.  So it’s tempered somewhat.  It’s not dishonest because he really does think I’m beautiful and special.  Problem is, random guys I encounter may not think I’m beautiful or special, but may still want to get under my skirt.  It’s those guys whose motivation I needed to figure out in order to protect myself.

So, what I needed was an honest assessment of my “worth” in the general sexual market.  Roissy’s Dating Market Value Test for Women is a very good one.  I scored -4, by the way.  To let you know how much of a hit one takes for being fat and older, I retook the test with my features at 20, and scored 32.  So I’m positive that there’s no bias against smart or decent women who are even barely reasonably feminine.  I wouldn’t know how to rate the test for men.

Once I understood how others generally perceive me, I had to figure out under what contexts someone would find me woodworthy, and why someone who did might mishandle me.  The reasons for woodworthiness I gathered ranged from utter desperation for anything with a vagina, to being really drunk and enjoying my personality well enough to commit humanitarian fornication, to being patently rural and having a thing for giant boobs FTW, to fat fetishism.  For the rare sort of guy I tend to go for, it’s lack of concern for basic looks and more concern for grooming and hygiene, or I look like them/their mom/their favorite aunt/their first love, or someone very important whose face is burned in their memory; social relevance.

What confounded me until yesterday though, is why someone would mishandle me.  I’d assigned that to the wolf chewing off his arm to escape a trap because they think I’m ugly or worthless due to my low general market value.

Confident in my having found the Holy Grail for Fat Chicks, I added Roissyisms to my arsenal of ego destroying missiles to fire back in psychic warfare with former “bitches” daring to attempt to con me back into a largely one sided relationship.  Among them were, “You’re only calling me because you’re desperate, and you think I’m stupid,” and my favorite, “I’ve never been desperate/hated myself enough to shag someone I thought was hideous.  What’s that like?”

From the responses, it appeared that I was winning their respect and admiration.

Then, as of last night, my Holy Grail shattered when a young lady known as Anoukange said something that slammed the fact into my fat, arrogant face, that I already had it.  When you read this, have a look at Anoukange’s site and photos.  She’s not a teenager, but most guys think she’s fairly hot.  So they’d have no particular reason to go flying out the door immediately, right?

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Cuddling after you’ve just started to sleep together is weird, and I don’t have a cold bone in my body. I just give the guy my bed and take the couch. You can always balance the cuddle instinct by “giving it to her” caveman style and then trying to cuddle after. ….talk about sending the hamster wheel into a tailspin.

Wha???

It did not compute.

As a woman of 40, who has only had a total of 12 years on the “dating market” since 16, half of those as a spiritually but platonically married lady, I have not had vast sexual experience.  I had fun in high school…a few freaky incidents under my belt, but that’s a feministically raised youth thing.  Once I came into my own at about 17, I understood that casual sex felt like necrophilia for me, so after that it was fiances and the friend zone.  My “casual” sex was more like promoting guys who were in what would be most girls’ friend zone, and even then I’d be frustrated if it didn’t develop further.

Though I wouldn’t recommend this policy as a general practice, for a few women, benevolent sluttery is a nice way to avoid the general market “cock carousel” and let the good guys know that there are a few women in the world who really do love decent men more than platonically.  Just understand that it’s a thankless “job”.  Most guys watch too much television, and think sex with young, hot chicks is normally available to normal guys, and that they were just having a “dry spell”.  Hell, some of them even think it’s normal for a hot girl to be low maintenance, and don’t understand that a low maintenance hot girl is a natural beauty with stunning genes, which is rare.  It takes them awhile of being out there trying to find another you, before they realize that you’re one in a million.

Story of my life until Shai.

Anyway, due to my apparently rather limited experience, I was convinced that it was highly abnormal and pathological for a guy to just get up and leave after sex.  “Casual sex” meant sex with someone you’re not in an explicit relationship with, but in execution, the incident would go something like make out, do the thing, make out and maybe cuddle a bit, bathroom if needed, do it again, into the night, fall asleep exhausted, and the awkward coffee or breakfast.  No rushing happened unless sometime during the sex or the sleeping, someone’s mom called thinking their son had disappeared, there was a bad car pileup or something blew up, and he had to go pick up or sew up bodies, or time had really run out.

The coyote chewing off arm thing happened after months or years, and figuratively, not right after.  That’s just…crazy.  Why would a woman stand for that?

I even had escape strategies for myself to avoid sleeping next to guys I wasn’t in an explicitly defined relationship with.  When I would fall asleep, which happened maybe only twice, it was brief and not restful at all.  If I didn’t get out of bed in time, I’d be stuck under an arm or a leg, or downright in the clutches, lying there awake.  One time I even pretended that there was a Voodoo ritual I had to do after sex.

No really.  I’d get up and light a red candle and dance a little.

So after the ensuing conversation, when my illusion of relatively clean karma was crashing around my brain, and I was starting to feel like a complete moron, I grabbed for any reassurance I could get.  I asked Shai if it was normal for guys to leave after the sex.  He’s like, “Why would a guy stay after the sex?”

So I’m sitting there, mouth agape, freaking out.

Humble pie in my face.

Some vodka, pickles, a series of drunk SMS’s asking for forgiveness, and a deathlike sleep later, I’m okay…humbled, but okay.

I have realized though, that I was indeed a ball cutting, witch of a bitch.

So, I will no longer have the pompous pleasure of referring to any of the sweet men of my past to whom I have grossly misattributed malice, when fear and exasperation were most likely the running sentiment, as “bitches”.  They are ex boyfriends.  They’re ex boyfriends I probably should have demanded more of as far as manning up and planting their flag or getting lost, but boyfriends is what they behaved like, so that’s what they were.

I understand now that the bitch was me.

It was from the pretty girlfriend/wife’s perspective.  I have some sympathy for a good woman who gets cheated on, no matter what she looks like.  I have no sympathy for gold diggers or harpies though.  Most women who are overly worried about looks fit into at least one of those categories.

It would be interesting to hear from some men on this, though most wouldn’t call the women they mess around with “ugly”.  So for the purpose of any feedback, we’ll define ugly as not conforming closely enough to the western media ideal for beauty to be viewed as having universal appeal.

Why would a guy with a hot wife or girlfriend at home, go out and shag ugly women, or have an “illicit” relationship with one?

Here’s one man’s answer to the question:

Hand-Raiser

You are 71% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 29% Brutal, and 29% Arrogant.

Take The Personality Defect Test at OkCupid

As of couple of days ago, I’m now the owner of ChickenSoups.net, SteviaRecipes.net, and NeoKobePizza.com.

In the early days of the internet, people bought domains because they had a message they wanted to send.  Now, way too many are just sitting on domains that they don’t use, and have no real intention to.  They figure they’ll buy them up, sell them, and make a lot of money.

Someone should tell them that this bubble has burst since long.  Now, if you’re sitting on a domain that violates someone’s copyright, and you’re not promoting them sufficiently, they’ll just sue you.  If you are promoting them, then it’s all good and they’ll usually let you keep it unless their lawyers are bored.

Once I saw that the Neo Kobe pizza trend was making a comeback, I decided out of curiosity, to check to see if the domain was available.  To my surprise, it was, so I felt the need to buy it.  If Konami wants it, they can have it.  For the meantime though, I’m glad I kept one more good domain from getting jacked by some jerk who wouldn’t use it to its potential, and would keep it from the company that technically owns the idea.

Speaking of which, I hope that Konami makes a deal with someone to produce frozen pizza that comes with soup.  It would be cool to see a frozen pizza that comes with a bowl of ramen or miso soup attached to it, or maybe keep it all “just add hot water” and have a pizza cracker attached to a bowl of instant soup.  That would probably fly off the shelves.

Anyway, I have a lot of work to do, and I hope it leads to more good things.

I’m losing weight and lifting weights to get my enforcer body back.  To give you a glimpse into my hopeful future, I’d like to intoduce you to my thickspiration: Monica Martin.

Here’s a video of a moment with her on Miami Ink, a reality show about a group of tattoo artists:

Just so we’re clear, it is not my goal to look exactly like her.  I think her bodyfat percentage is probably hovering around only 12-14% and I’m too old to be trying to do that safely.  I do however, respect her because she has the “Amazon trifecta” of strength, size, and agility.  These are things I consider important in a sexy human, and am working on mastering for myself.

So enjoy the show, and please everybody don’t mistake me for someone in pursuit of Barbiedom or the attention of couch potato mass appeal again.

…

Sorry, but I have to call bullshit on this one.  If a guy is more intelligent, liberal and atheist, he should be more likely to be polygamous or some other flavor of “deviant” (in a good way usually).