Steampunk Joker by OdinGraphics http://odingraphics.deviantart.com

From the berzerker to Hannibal Lecter, the White devil is the man the world loves to hate.  He is the rapacious, exploitive capitalist whose thirst for blood is only matched by his thirst for gold.  He pursues his interests with a madness that we others would love to view as uniquely dark and especially evil even though history and current events make it clear that they are not.

Behind the Devil image is a man; a man with the same basic needs as any other, simply adapted to get those needs met in a rather unforgiving European climate.

In the past 60 years, it has become rather socially and economically inconvenient to be a White devil.  The image ceased to be economically convenient because of shifts in politics, so it ceased to be socially convenient as well.  However, the baby was thrown out with the bathwater as soon as the effort to no longer be viewed (on the surface anyhow) as the scourge of mankind, crossed the line into not wanting to be viewed as “oppressors” of their women.  Ultimately, this ended up with most of them in the situation of being socially and politically restricted from reasonable ethnic/cultural autonomy, and will if left unchecked, lead to restriction of national autonomy.

So it pleased me very much that in the wake of Anders Brevik’s shooting and bombing spree, the academic community in Norway might actually be doing something real to prevent a similar tragedy.  Even better, the person they chose to represent the men’s rights and cultural recovery side in a recent panel wasn’t a crazy skinhead.  It was Elvind Berge.

Nontheless, during the debate, he was compared to Hitler and told that he needs to see a psychologist.  Police were lined up outside the building, and crowds of people showed up to gawk at the supposed terrorist sympathizer.  The other panelists were applauded for making unfair and outright false statements about Mr. Berge, and yet somehow he gets cast as the Nazi.

Now, he is being ostracized for his views in a way that no Arab supporter of terrorists who actually sends money to terrorist cover organizations and participates in very public anti Israel protests has ever been, to my knowledge, in any western country, even Israel.  He has been kicked out of his apartment by the landlord and refused by others.  Yet somehow he is cast as the Nazi.

These blatant sexists and racists who believe that women and people of color are incapable of getting employment and education on an equal basis in a society and nation with both laws and social conditions enforcing their equality, and need quotas…

These puritanical sexual mafiosas who strip people of their legal right to sex between consenting adults on whatever terms they choose so long as they do not cause unreasonable harm…

These goose stepping mobs of torch wielding de facto illiterates who ignore 90% of human history…

These people who export their social disease to Mother Africa with the same presumed moral supremacist fervor with which they used to colonize and exploit her, only as a cover for a more (effective but still exploitive) Roman style of colonization…

These White devils have decided that Elvind Berge is the devil despite the fact that he is neither sexist nor racist enough to view women or people of color as the default victims of anything European or male by default of it being European or male.  It is because he does not view himself as a devil who must repent by committing genetic suicide, the real devils want to point the finger at him and not themselves.

Irony.

Anders Brevik is indeed a monster, but he is a monster that feminism and the multicult made.  If the society he grew up in had invested in him, then he may have felt more invested in that society, and rather than going on a killing spree against it, he’d have directed that energy towards enemies on a battle field.

Many African American men in the U.S. deprived of constructive ways to express their manhood and channel their aggressive energies turn to drugs, gangs, and misdirected violence.  Why should this be different for Europeans?  Africans in Africa who find their ethnicities/cultures under attack react with violence.  Why should this be different for Europeans?

Is a man a devil for simply expressing what is a very natural way to feel about having one’s manhood stomped down by their government?

I have to wonder about all the supposed men who do not see anything wrong with gender and ethnic quotas, prostitution being illegal (meaning that consensual sex is regulated), and their country putting more money into absorbing hostile immigrants than into supporting citizens.  Is it that if you are not a sucker, you are a devil?

Fine then.  Let’s bring back the White devil.

Time has shown that the Black man keeping certain features of his more monstrous stereotypes has been good for him.  As sweet and kind as a Brother may be, we all know and like the fact that if you push him too far, he is going to push back.

Eastern European men also have that something about them.  So it is not that White men have all lost that.  It’s just that regionally, western Europeans have allowed themselves to be politically overrun by ideologues posing as idealists.  They may not be able to turn things around politically overnight, but they can decide that the label of White devil isn’t a bad thing.

One guy coming out gets used as an example, but millions?  They can’t evict you all from all of your apartments.  All of your wives aren’t going to divorce all of you.  In fact, they will love you more for being a man than they loved you for pretending to be Mr. Sensitive.

Wear your horns with pride.  Everyone else views you as the Great Satan no matter what you do anyway.  Might as well do what you want.

Nobody else wants to say it so I’m saying it.  I know many people who grew up poor, and many who were abused at home and went through all manner of hell who would still never do such a thing.  It is a mental defect that makes people do things like that, and it is a societal defect that allows such people to walk the streets.  Because it has for so long been about race, you have some White people running around assaulting people because they’ve been raised to feel the world owes them for being born White, and Black people who have been raised to feel the world owes them something because, what, over 100 years ago, some of their ancestors were slaves (as if there were never in history any European slaves, forget the word “slave” came from “slav”). 

That in and of itself is bad, but now we have feminism instead of egalitarianism, that makes women think the world owes them something for having female genitalia.  It blinds them to the realities of life.  Well, they wanted equality and now they have it.  The stupider men who are easier to brainwash now view women the same as weak men, and since they don’t feel protective towards women, they treat women the same as weak men.

If you don’t want guys beating you up like they would a vulnerable dude wandering aimlessly, then you need to stop teaching your sons and male peers that it’s okay to punch us in the face for getting up in their face like they would a guy who did the same thing.  If it was a White MAN getting up in a Black man’s face, and the Black guy punched him, nobody would make a peep about it.

Well, this Black man is a product of your feminist society.  You White people who spread this social disease that gender is only a social construct gave him permission to beat her down like a dude.  So this is actually a success story to you people.

You (White women) wanted equality, well here it is.  I don’t approve of that cretin’s behavior, but then I’m an egalitarian, not a feminist.  Enjoy the monsters you made.

I wonder if they’ll let it stay.  They should because well, this is what a feminist looks like: thugs who think it’s okay to punch a woman in the face.  Sure, they’re wrong, but they were very likely raised without a father in the home, by a “strong” mother who insisted they treat women like equals.

It is however, a severe problem when one’s worldview is unrealistic or they are overly dogmatic and cannot tell whether the immediate or delayed gratification is the better choice.

In my exploration of the manosphere and the topic of game, it seems to me that those who’ve taken on the role and responsibilities of teaching, have taken on the mammoth task of curing men of anti realism and dogmatic long term thinking.  To be very frank, dogmatic long term thinking is on the same level as magical thinking.  It is the magical thinking of median to high intelligence.

The burn, for many men caught in the current “matrix” of the pseudo progressive flavor of “hereafter” is that this is even less realistic than the dogmatic short term thinking of the less intelligent, and therefore produces fewer rewards in the short and the long term.

Heterosexual people are bound by the female “biological clock”, and everybody in the spectrum of male involved sex is bound by male erectile ability.  Consequently, with the exception of the sexually exceptional, our mating strategies must remain relatively short term.  For very practical, biological reasons, we must be opportunists who can read mating signals well, display mating and societally important mating and child rearing ability, and act within a reasonable time frame to increase our chance of success.

Another important thing to consider is that even though long term thinking is associated with intelligence, they’re not the same thing.  Where having a culture that fosters long term thinking, along with supportive genes, will lead to higher average intelligence in a wide population, this does not make all individuals or even the majority of them intelligent enough to control situations (such as successful consensual mating and reproduction) that require external cooperation.  More compelling is that though intelligence and long term thinking are helpful in achieving actual social dominance, neither assures it.

In short, in order to not get tilled under in the salted earth that is today’s dating market, people must force themselves to apply shorter term strategies despite their cultural programming and intellectual tendencies towards long term thinking.

If you are a man, then even if you are healthy and slim, there is a 2:3 chance that by the time you are in your mid 50′s you will have erectile dysfunction, and certainly less testosterone coursing through your veins than you did at 20.

If you are a woman, you have a limited time during which you can safely have children, even with modern technological advances.  If you do not have your first child between 25-30, then you are looking at a much harder time than those who did.  You will lose the ability to have children at all between the ages of 40 and 50.  In addition to this, your looks will fade and your sex drive will likely fade with them.

Enough people are sexually functioning beyond their 40′s that it can be said that there is a “good” chance, and that “quite a few” older people are “doing just fine”, but there is a recently more silent majority whose time has passed by the time they reach 50-55.

“Gather ye rosebuds…”

While it is good for men who hope or expect to live past 50 to think long term with regard to choosing a lifetime companion, if he is limited by an unrealistic worldview, he could miss opportunities that could bring him a good time today, and possibly a companion for the future.  It is a first come, first serve situation, and men cannot afford to miss their chance just because women are being silly thinking they have all the time in the world.

A masterful use of negs can, to some degree, remind a woman that her time is short, but men should get into their heads too, that the woman’s time is short.  It is difficult for a man who isn’t a natural and isn’t currently getting laid regularly to suddenly become good at negging, but this may help.  Today in the here and now, the woman is hot or attractive.  This is a good enough reason to try to hit that without delay.  There should be no worry of rejection for a few reasons, and among them is that it is as much her responsibility to herself not to waste her own limited time as it is yours not to waste your less limited but still limited time.

Rejecting a man who has the potential to bond with her in a way that may be sparked by her looks and her youth, but isn’t solely dependent on it, is wasting her time.  View rejections thusly: her loss.  It truly is.

Though statistics are not individuals, it is not a good idea for anyone to bank on being the exception.  Human eyes are drawn to more physically beautiful people, and the only reason we tolerate imperfections is because of compensating features (like accessibility for instance).  A man can love a woman he married in his youth through her aging, illness, and often even ill temperedness to a point because time has shown that she is going to be there for him and love him regardless of her physical changes and his, and often despite her hormonally or socially imposed mood issues.

Some men fall in love with women who are already past their prime, but almost invariably, it is because this woman has a long history of good behavior.  In fact, in the “over 40 fun club” of folks who mess around because they’re sexually mismatched, although most are divorced or committing technical adultery, there are still lines.  Some of them are even more rigid than they are for single people.

Men are not shallow.  They’re empirical.  They are looking at what a woman has to offer, and in this what she offers in the short term should have a higher priority than the long term.  If she’s a harpy with no care for what she looks like now, and you find yourself unaroused by her now it doesn’t matter what she will look like or behave like in the future.  It also doesn’t matter that society is telling you that you should put up with her crap now for the “greater good” of equality.

If you find a woman attractive, that she might reject you or that she is not everybody else’s cup of tea, or that she is “out of your league” doesn’t matter.  Be in the moment.  This does not mean that you have to behave like a jerk and that the future is totally unimportant.  It’s just that at any particular moment, your next breath is not guaranteed.

Long term thinking is not the same thing as long term existing.  We are all going to die eventually, but right now you’re alive.  Live!

Long term thinkers quite often forget to live in the moment because they forget that stuff happens.  Rather than planning for the future, they bank on it.  Like the less intelligent or culturally guided short term thinker often gets into a rutt of working hard rather than working smart, the more intelligent or culturally guided long term thinker gets into a rutt of overthinking before acting.

You think that if you carefully map things out and make a decision about the future and how it’s going to be, things will be okay.  It doesn’t occur to you to consider that how you feel and who you are now is likely not going to be the same in 5 years and definitely not in 20.  Right now it might be really important to you to get with someone hot and/or socially convenient, or someone who really likes sex often, or whatever.  Cool.  Do what you need to do to get your current needs met.

Bear in mind though, that in 20-30 years, you might just need someone fun to hang out with who’ll kick you down for a b.j. a couple of times a year.  As you get older and your partner or general pool of potentials does too, things like hypergamy can happen, and if you were too dogmatic to be cool with cohabitation and just had to get that paperwork because you were afraid of image issues or hell, you will be screwed.

I don’t think a good God wants your nuts in any woman’s hands.  I don’t think a good God wants you to suffer with lonliness.  I don’t think even a good government wants those either.

So live like someone who understands that nothing lasts forever.  Don’t ignore the red lights, but don’t ignore the green ones either.  Don’t worry about three stages from now.  Think about now.  What do you want right now?

Address that reality first.  After that, you can make decisions about what it might cost you later.  At the moment though, ignoring who you are and what you want is costing your manhood or womanhood, and let’s be frank, your integrity.  Denying your will makes you a liar.  Every time you do it, you become better at telling yourself and the world around you lies.

Stop lying.  Start living.  Now.

It began like most of my family road trip dreams do.  My parents, brothers and I are going along a country road.  Dad is driving, and Mom is smiling, and my younger brothers and I are still kids.  The youngest and southern style adopted brother has been in these dreams since a few years ago when I got to meet him in person and initiated him to “the kids” by startling.

He’s usually about 5 years old in my dreams, and my biological brother is usually around 10 even though this isn’t chronologically accurate.

In any case, we’re driving along and then at some point, we get a flat tire.  This is pretty normal for my dreams too.  Usually we get some help from a local mechanic or villagers or somehow find ourselves in southern Italy or West Africa.  So it didn’t bother me much when a family came out to help us.  They invited us into their home, and fed us, and we sat around quietly, waiting while Dad and the father of this family supposedly fixed the flat tire.

At some point, Mom got up to go outside and see what was going on.  Then later, Dad came back indoors for a break, but Mom and the host family’s dad didn’t come in behind him.  When he turned around, they were both gone, and he started to worry.  Then us kids started to worry.  At that moment, when I looked around, my brothers and I were adults, and went out with Dad to find Mom.

For some reason, when we got to the back yard, it turned out to be a gigantic amusement park.  This place is familiar to my dreams as well.  We split up to go look for her.  I asked many people if they had seen my mother.  Somewhere along the way, I noticed a pattern.  When I asked White people where she was, they looked at me as if they didn’t understand what I was saying.  When I asked Black people where she was, they were as helpful as they could be.  They hadn’t seen her, but they would keep their eyes open.  After I noticed this, I looked around for the whitest person I could find, to experiment.  I asked a blonde, pale, and for some reason, rather busty chick behind the counter at the gift shop if she had seen my mother.  In a friendly, southern accent, she answered that she hadn’t seen her, but that she would help me look for her.  So she hung a “closed” sign on the register, came from behind the counter, and walked with me.

At some point, I looked at her butt for some reason, and stitched on the back pockets of her jeans were pentacles.  She apparently noticed my distraction, and grabbed my arm in a strong, grandmother-like way and said, “Hurry up!  No tellin’ what’s hap’nin to yer Mama!”

Then somehow, we ended up out of the amusement park and back around to the front of the house.  I’m not sure what inspired us to do it, but we raised our hands up, and then as we brought them down, the front wall of the house collapsed.  The room where Mom and the father of the host family was then exposed.  My Mom was tied to a chair with duct tape over her mouth, and the father was yelling and pointing a gun at her.  When the wall came down, he pointed the gun at us.  At that point, I realized I was holding hands with the blonde woman, and we were not afraid.

Then my Dad and brothers came to join us.  The host father was yelling incoherent things, and the room was full of crosses and Jesus statues and all manner of restraints and torture implements.  For some reason, he tore the tape off of my Mom’s mouth, and she screamed at us to just do as he says or he’ll kill us.  I’m not sure why, but the blonde girl began laughing and cursing out the host father.  My Dad and brothers were stunned by this, but I wasn’t, and I began laughing.

I woke up laughing, but then kind of sad.  I understood what the dream meant.

Though I have no intention of attempting to save my family from Christianity, since it’s not Christianity that is exactly the problem, it still makes me sad that they believe in the sick sorry excuse for a god that speaks nonsense and needs to threaten people with torture.  The very real threat of losing touch with Nature and by extension with God, is in becoming so fatally stupid that one destroys their lives, the lives of their children, and the world.

Another of the important things I’ve learned over the past few years is the extent to which people will ignore real suffering and sickness in the here and now, for the sake of some “greater good” or “hereafter”.   Feminism and its close companion, tacit dysgenicism are two excellent examples of ideologies that cause people real and deep suffering in their everyday lives, but promise that it is all for a good cause and so if one is suffering, it’s because they’re not adhering to the ideology hard enough.  It just cannot be, in their minds, that the ideology is inhumane and should be abandonned.

A question arose in the conversations around the manosphere as to why social conservatives and the religious who make up the vast majority of them, end up serving the will of the feminists even though they are supposedly opponents.  It is because, “A problem cannot be solved by the same consciousness that created it.”

Anglo and some other flavors of northwestern European descended HBD believers, pay attention.  You’re about to get a diagram of one of your genetic scratches. The American and western European brand of secularism was invented by people whose mentality and therefore spirituality was too long term for their own good.  They were mostly Christians who believed in suffering on Earth for a reward in heaven.  This tendency did not come originally from Christianity as Jesus never told anyone, “Your suffering on Earth is fine since you’ll be rewarded in heaven,” when they came to him asking to be healed.  If the reports are true, he healed them then and there in physical, real world ways.

This very same tendency allowed feminism and dysgenicism to become part and parcel with secularism.  You suffer lonliness, childlessness until unsafe ages for first-births, a chaotic minefield and playground for sociopaths for a dating scene, and shallowness that makes intimacy either impossible, or an inhumanly frightening risk here and now for a “greater good”.  Your “hereafter” is supposedly a world without gender or racial discrimination.

Forget that on the other end of the spectrum from the dark side of discrimination is the light side of recognition.  Humans are evolved to feel more automatic empathic attachment to people who look similar to them, and at the same time, to be able to recognize the criminals among their own.  They have trouble recognizing the criminality or bad intentions of people who look substantially dissimilar to themselves, and if they ignore that fact, they can expose themselves to considerable danger.  Not to mention, an outsider can do damage either purposefully or inadvertently by breaking important cultural norms, simply because they are an outsider.  People don’t feel the same social obligation to those of different cultures or different classes within cultures.  No amount of rainbow politics is going to change these facts of human nature.

The genders should be treated differently because they have different biological capabilities and roles.  Gender is not a social construct.  No amount of feminist politics is going to change that fact of human nature either.

So the solution is to address people’s differences, and in a diverse nation, compensate for possible weaknesses in reasonable nationalism that may arise from the facts of human nature.  Many mistakes have been made due to the denial of differences, that are causing realtime suffering here and now.  The “greater good” and magical “hereafter” has not materialized in more than superficial ways.

We have a basically Black President of the U.S. now…but note that he is male, and regardless of his parentage, has a family with a mother and a father.  He has also made very public comments to the effect that he is a protective father.  I have little doubt that he will demand to meet and likely investigate all of his daughters’ potential suitors.

If that is “what a feminist looks like” then all men should be feminists…but that is not a feminist.  That is at most, a gender egalitarian.

His wife is also physically strong and sturdy, though she didn’t look in any way masculine until she reached the appropriate age for this.  Despite her stated ideology, even her foibles are typical of a very feminine minded woman.  She was an emotional near Black militant in her youth, and today wages a war on obesity, as if that is the root of the problem.  She waves the flag, but in real life, she married, had kids, likes to grow vegetables in her yard, and dresses like an older former cheerleader.

…not very feminist.

So the face folks of the United States are not doing a very good job of suffering in the here and now for the greater good.  It’s time for everybody to drop the facade.

…and it’s time for Black people who need a God who isn’t the equivalent of a redneck with a torture dungeon to wake up from their spiritual Stockholm syndrome.

Your legends spell out female hypergamy in the stories of Oshun and Obatala, Oshun and Shango, and Oshun and Ogun, in painful frankness.

Your real God doesn’t care if you believe in him or not so long as you believe in gravity and the existence of water and the like.  It is best for you because you’re a mortal human and he is Unfathomable and surpasses all, to get very intimate with the forces of nature, and if it helps you, give them names, learn their stories, and let yourself be overwhelmed with them so that you get the big picture drilled into your thick skulls.

Each ethnicities’ gods developed along with the ethnicity itself.  Adopting some other ethnicity’s gods is fine if you are truly more inclined to their mentality.  If not however, their gods will be distant from you and you will be distant from them.  You will miss the point, lose touch with nature, including your own, and be dragged down with whatever dysfunction plagues your adopted ethnicity and faith.

Some ethnicities die out because of storms or bad weather, or from conquest…but some simply fail to thrive.  The “hereafter” is failing to thrive.  As a result, even some White people, even if they’re not reclaiming their old gods, are abandoning the sick idea of the bite sized deity that made mistakes when he created the universe, and needs you to pray “gimmie” to correct them.

This may be weird, but most people I’ve encountered of any ethnicity who are abandoning, have the potential to abandon, or have already abandoned or been raised without the hereafter and gimmie-god mentality, tend to look a bit similar in certain ways.  It’s something in the eyes.  That observation isn’t exactly scientific.  Maybe it’s a kind of bias that causes me to look for certain cues.  I don’t know.

What saddens me a bit is that few of these people I’ve come across are Black.  It’s like they can let go of everything except the gimmie-god.  They’ve placed a lot of stock in that, perhaps because of the persecution complex, combined with actual historical and day to day reminders of being devalued by others and each other.  To accept the fact that nobody is going to save them is too depressing for some.  To open their minds to the idea that intimacy with forces of nature will get them farther than presuming to be favored children of the imaginary gimme-god in improving their lives here and now and perhaps even their hereafter if our mystical ancestors were right in their speculations seems, to them, like witchcraft.

It is tempting to start recruiting…become an arm for some sort of Mami Wata missionary outreach.  However, I trust nature, and I trust the internet.  Once the idea of HBD is really out there, and a few more Black folks who can, get over its self pitying cheering squad to the real science of it all, positive things are going to happen.  I think one of the most positive will be more people reclaiming their real gods who bless people in real life when they do real things to better their situation that are based on reality.

On the lighter side of that, it sure would be nice to see more men in non bifurcated or at least more junk friendly garments…and more women carrying their babies in babyslings instead of daycare centers.

April 2, 2011 Swimming in my clothes

The gloom seems to have been a phase.  Since that day, I seem to be well sorted and strangely more attractive.  Perhaps not sexually so, but sentimentally, which is fine.  Even my dance has shifted a bit.  I was using mostly Arab music, but now I’m getting more into goth and soukous.

I’m also more at peace with my defects.  I still don’t buy the “empowered” denial.  It’s just reached a point when I look around at other women my age and am just happy to be alive and to have had women in my family who taught me how to take care of myself.  I am also grateful to Chef Kathleen Daelemans and the late, great Weston A. Price and a whole lot of other folks who helped me recover from industrial phood.  I’m even thankful to Roissy for giving me many good social reasons to never look back or be remotely tempted to re-enter the calorie counting and yo-yo dieting hell that has uglified far too many American women.

So now, I look in the mirror and smile, and look at other people and smile not giving a flying fart about how they’ll react to it…just spreading some joy.  I don’t feel the need to protect them from me anymore.

It has given me the “balls” to talk to male persons I was attracted to, but would previously avoid or pretend to be some sort of foliage in the background around.   I’ve lost a kind of irrational fear of rejection.

Now that was a weird part of my behavior that needed killing because it made absolutely no sense.  I’ve long been okay with the idea that I could be attracted to or have a crush on someone, and they might hate my gutts.  Most reasonable women reach that stage around puberty or so.  I did.  Thing is, for some reason, if I was attracted to someone, it became important for me to be cool about it and save face.  I think that reason was feminist, but it might be a Black thing too.

In the vast majority of cases, I wasn’t really looking to get with these guys.  I wanted to befriend them because I liked them as people, and their attractiveness was a kind of an aside.  The way I behaved around them could probably be summed up in the words, “No homo.”  I don’t quite understand why, but I didn’t want them to even think there was a remote chance of me obsessing or getting ideas.  In some cases, I knew I didn’t have a chance, or at least a chance of being more than a shag, and it was important to me that they knew that I knew that I’m either not in their league or that my interest in them was purely platonic regardless of any attraction.

Any time I said something nice to them, there was an either implied or reworded, “No homo,” after it.  I couldn’t just say, “You look sexy today,” or, “Wow, that was amazing (about something they did that just freakin’ rocked),” without some behavior that made it clear that I was NOT fawning.

Now though, I fawn freely.  Once I broke through and actually started complimenting guys without a, “No homo,” and they didn’t run away screaming or insult me or something, I realized just how irrational that fear was.  I was such a doofus.  Ah well.

There’s just one thing in my changes over the past couple of years that I’m finding just wrong.  I gave up lifting heavy objects, but now I’m getting back into it.  I’m sorry, it just can’t be helped.  Though i’m okay with myself when I look in the mirror, I will admit to getting some kind of bizarre, perhaps narcissistic thrill at the sensation of firm muscles under my skin.  Since there is less fat under my skin, I notice my musculature more not just visually but tactilely.

I….am a warpig.  I am graceful and sweet natured for a warpig, but this is physically who I am.  I like being strong.  I accept and understand that the vast majority of men do not find pleasure in it.  At my age though, what men like is about 10 years past what ought to be my priority in fitness or aesthetics.

By now, sexually, there will probably not be another man in my life since I require more than a sperm depositor.  I understand that my desires are totally unrealistic and unreasonable in this, so I have put them aside like many people’s dream of being a rockstar has to go when they were not gifted with talent and a high powered agent.  It can happen.  It’s just unlikely.

So the rest of my years are about what makes me okay with me.  It was a nice excursion into gameville.  I’ve learned a lot about the mistakes I’ve made in time to help my daughter and other young women navigate the chaos that has become dating in the western world.  As for me though, my time is past, and it’s about making money and enjoying myself, and hopefully steering more young women away from the cock carousel, and more men away from the mangina hive.

The Enforcer quest is back online.  So here I go.

By the way, I still think Papa Legba is a pretty good Orisha for gender balance and men’s rights.  Likeminded folks should get to beading some red and black or red and white 6/0 beaded necklaces in patterns of threes.  My favorite is 3 red, 3 black, 6 alternating, and so on.  A nice design for women would also be 6 white, 1 red, 1 black, 1 red, and so on.  This is symbolic of the “heart of Shango”.

Shango is the legendary Orisha of fire and lightning, who was said to have had three wives.  The first one was dutiful (Oba), the second was beautiful (Oshun), and the third (his favorite Oya) was balanced plus very strong.

…which brings me to my latest reality check.  A couple of weeks ago, I had an interesting conversation with Wizard about women and what kind of women men like.  In the course of it, I made the presumptuous argument that it’s easier for men to have unemotional sex with women because for them, sex is like pizza (even when it’s bad, it’s still okay).  “No matter what, ” I dismissively said with a wave of the hand, “you get an orgasm out of it.”

He laughed, and told me that I was wrong, so very wrong.  He said that men can have real trouble ejaculating with a woman he’s either not that connected to, or can’t relax with.  I replied that this is probably very rare, but he said that it’s actually quite common.  So then I said maybe it’s just so with women a guy doesn’t feel very attracted to, and he says no, it is often so with very hot women.

Of course, I didn’t believe him.  I thought back to all my ex boyfriends, and the fountains of pleasure erupted through my mind like an advertising montage for a porn DVD.  There was just no way in hell he was right.  I am, in some men’s opinion, the ugliest woman on the planet, and if none of mine who weren’t incredibly drunk had any trouble getting there, certainly more beautiful women should be producing barrels of it.  Right?

So I asked around, and ultimately had to admit that Wizard was right.  The male sex drive is pretty strong, and though it’s pretty easy to produce erections, it’s not so easy to make a man explode.  Being very hot can even work against a woman if she has the wrong attitude.

By the wrong attitude, I don’t mean being openly cruel necessarily, but being too high risk as in flaky and potentially disloyal.  In the stories I heard from men who’d dumped or divorced hot women who didn’t seem so bad, the problem was that they could never relax.  They never believed the woman cared enough about them to never harm them, or they felt they had to keep hand to the point that cumming seemed too much like surrendering. 

Now, for the really screwed up part, some guys have been with women for months or years and never cum with them.  In these cases, the woman is always hot (8+ on the general looks scale), but not a virgin.  Apparently, for an unknown percentage of men, you do not get a hot chick free pass being a single mother or a known slut.  Even if they will date you and are beta enough to keep you as arm candy because they know other guys are jealous, at the moment that counts, the dick says, “Aw HELL naw!  I’d rather give it to the shower drain while she’s sleeping it off.”

So here is yet another example of how I was spoiled and didn’t know it.  Something I thought was normal really wasn’t.

On the one hand, male orgasms are pretty normal.  Under friendly, kind circumstances, hookers the world over managed to inspire orgasms even though they’ve been with many, many men.  Thing is, a hooker is generally a casual, friendly, kind sort of woman with a spunky attitude, but who doesn’t judge.

On the other hand, male orgasms are partly physical and partly psychological.  Very few men think about absolutely nothing when they’re masturbating.  Most men think about a hot woman who’s doing all the stuff they like to do *joyfully*, not begrudgingly.

Thinking back to the end of Vegeta, the one time after my discovery of his ars-ness, I don’t know how, but he sensed I didn’t want to be touching him.  I mean, I did and I didn’t.  I knew I had an expiration date with him once I found out that his peer group was the defective and too stupid to realize they’re rejects contingent of the herd.  Despite his many personal flaws and the flaws in the sociopathic subculture he’d chosen to wear the uniform of, I knew he thought he was too good for me.  From that point on, the thrill was gone, and the only reason to continue contact was for the sake of loyalty and hope that maybe I could convince him that at least as a nerd wearing clothes that actually fit, he’d have his dignity.

With the new awareness of male sexuality, I figure that if he, of all screwed up people, could sense that I was distancing myself, then certainly better men could get that “necro” feeling when shagging a woman who has no passion for them.  Whether or not a guy would successfully ejaculate under paranecrophillic conditions would depend on whether or not he could take his mind away from the moment he’s in (go to a happy place in his mind).

So what happens when a guy is with a hot woman and can’t ejaculate?  I’m thinking that maybe it’s because he’s already in his happy place.  This was his ultimate fantasy: a hot chick who is interested in him.  There are very few women in the world who are just stunningly beautiful, so the chances for him to meet another one unless he’s rich are kind of low, much less get one into bed.  When he gets one, there are no hills left to conquer.  This is the place he went to in his mind whenever he was shagging less beautiful women.  This is what’s on the screen and in the magazines.

What happens when the reality turns out not to be as good as the fantasy?  Longstroke, having been there with his fair share of tight, hot, Russian blondes says that what happens is that a man realizes that a vagina is a vagina is a vagina.  What ever he may do for show, when the lights go down he wants to be with someone who wants him and doesn’t make him feel like crap for wanting her.  He’s already, in his mid 20′s, at the point where no matter how smoking hot a woman is, if she starts with the shame, he’ll drop her then and there.

So to all you young pretty girls out there, here’s the lesson: either keep it in your pants or be discreet, don’t make babies with a man you don’t intend to stick with, and don’t make your man feel ashamed.  There are other girls out there who may not be as pretty as you, but they’re nicer.  If your man has a difficult time getting there with you, and can barely contain his excitement with someone else, the only real relevance your looks have on the scale above a certain floor of attractiveness is in social props…and men are more independent than women generally.

Their ego might suffer a little from losing you, but if that is being compensated for with teeth chattering, full body, cumtastic seizures, he’ll get over it and over you.

You’ve been told.  Now you can’t say nobody warned you when you’re bitching at your man about not making enough to get you Prada.

Crazy Christians…This is why it is so important not to Santa Claus the unfathomable, omnipotent, and omnipresent Creator of the Universe.  You can’t believe that people are going to hell for not believing in your Santa, especially when yours is either nonexistent or a demon who feeds on adoration.  You know which gods people serve by their actions, not their words.  If you are a Christian, get back to your pre-Paul roots…or hey, take a lesson from Jesus himself, who never asked anyone to worship him and helped Pagan Romans without trying to convert them.  If he felt their souls were in danger, he’d have said so.  Instead, he just helped them.

What do you figure Luke chapter 4 on the temptation on the mountain was about?  When Satan dared Jesus that if he was the son of God, to jump off the mountain, even Jesus Christ himself bowed to natural law and answered that one should not tempt God.  In his human form, whether just a prophet or an avatar of God/Allah/Obatala/YHWH or whatever you choose to call It, he expressed in one short sentence that it is not our place as mortal humans to presume ourselves above the Perfect Creator and Its carefully and wonderfully made universe.

So it’s certainly not our place to presume ownership of heaven or hell by attempting to force people to follow what is a sociopathic Santa in the sky.  This is the mistake of most judaic belief systems that broke away from Judaism itself.  Yeah I’m talking to you Muslims who can’t seem to get your heads around the fact that your prophet was human too, that he studied esoterism with Christians and Pagans, and that his push to convert people was both political and a reaction to real problems like human sacrifice for profit.  Now, some of your crazies are running around doing human sacrifice for profit and a twisted “honor” that is anything but.

Jesus was a Jew.  Muhammad derived Islam from Judaism.  Jews aren’t perfect.  They have crazies too, but not so many because they have to go *against* the basic teachings of the faith to try to force others to believe as they do.  They understand that a righteous Gentile is serving the same God that they are.

Why don’t Christians and Muslims get this? It’s because they are mostly certainly not serving the God of Abraham.  By their “fruits”, they are serving Beelzebub who is well known for causing bloodshed and destruction through tyranny, and leading people to worship and serve demons.  Think about it…what better way to get people to worship demons and feed the pride of Lucifer, who wanted to be God, than by getting them to call Lucifer by the same title, cause undue suffering, and give human sacrifices?

I’m agnostic.  I understand that there is no way for me to fathom the Unfathomable, so nature is my prophet.  I understand that not everybody is capable of living like this and staying productive, so I’m cool with religions.  I use tools from a variety of belief systems myself, that don’t conflict with nature.  If you are a follower of a particular faith, then you need to think about what your faith really is.  What does it lead you to do?  Are you really bringing more light into this realm, or more darkness?  Are you guiding your children or thought policing them?  Are you a parent or a tyrant?  Are you a preacher or are you a warlord?

Are you jumping off the mountain?  Are you taking the dirty deal with the devil to gain adoration for your demon?  When the people around you are praising the lord, which lord are they praising?  Is it a truly unfathomable God who created a universe that works just fine if people honor it, or is it Beelzebub dressed up like Santa, who is leading you to screw up your kids or kill your parents for not goose stepping precisely enough?

Look at your life, and you’ll know the answer.

Yeah, I know my entire friends list and many of you readers are doubling over in laughter now.  When you’re done, wipe your eyes and read on as I’ll explain why some people are under this (stupid) impression.

Old People Sex

A great many people don’t come out of whatever closet they’re in until they’re in their 30′s or older.  When they do, these are going to be drawn to communities because they haven’t had the time to grow up with fellow freaks.

So alternative clubs are always going to have their share of oldbies and old newbies tucked in a corner somewhere.  Meets, munches, and play parties are going to me majority 40+.  Thing is, not being stressed out about the same things most normal people stress out about, and a certain level of self care deems that most of us don’t look anywhere near our age…above the neck anyway.

Young people who missed being freaks in high school and university, and others who are newly out of the closet walk into meetings and see a bunch of imperfect people who don’t look particularly old, but mostly are.  Then there’s the fact that we don’t give a rat’s arse what someone’s rating on a 1-10 scale is, so long as they’re likeminded.  The community may not be particularly attractive to ugly people (for reasons I’ll explain later in this post), but we’re not holding it against anyone.  Everyone has a bit of ugly.

There is some ugly however, that is ubiquitous among the normals, that you just don’t generally see in the BDSM community.

One kind of ugliness that is extremely rare in the BDSM community is contempt lines.  My roomate L.E. calls this “butt face”.  Butt face is the reason so many women over the age of 27 are getting Botox.  It’s a particular wrinkle pattern that develops from a woman holding her face in an expression of contempt for too long, too often.  Contempt causes unconscious, uncontrollable contractions of facial muscles that start to show in the mid to late 20′s and get really deep by the mid 30′s.  There isn’t much of this “bad witch” look, even among Dommes who specialize in mean, because outside of playtime, we’re not generally mean people.

Another kind of ugly you don’t see that often in the community is plastic surgery scarring.  It’s not that no BDSM’er ever gets nipped here or lifted there.  It’s just rare to see the Frankenstein show unless someone has a particular fetish for looking like a cyborg…and when they do, they usually have a better outcome because they are concerned with actual aesthetics and looking “biomechanical”, and are not just desperate to fit into the mainstream.  It’s less 90210 and more Giger.

For the same reasons that you don’t see much butt face and Frankenbarbie, you also don’t see malnourished slim.  The skinny among us tend to be legitimately healthier…wirey men and soft women who don’t look like meth addicts with elephant skin.

In fact, especially for subs, skin care is extremely important.  If one likes spanking and such, it’s crucial to have skin that can take what one’s Master or Mistress has to give.  So you don’t see a whole lot of bad skin in the community.

We like sexy clothes.  Whether one is Dom, sub, sWiTCh, or like me, relative and 70% vanilla, we like to look good.  We’re very looks conscious people, just not looks obsessed.  I think this, aside of the community age issue, is what confuses people the most.  A girl can be a 10, but if she has the wrong attitude, no Dom wants to own her.  She’ll end up being pumped and dumped or picked up, run ragged, and put down.

Doms aren’t blind, and they aren’t totally disconnected from the sexual market.  They just have different priorities.  They’re also generally more aware of what they want, and a harpy is not it.  They make no apologies for this, and are quite often willing to pass over a smoking hot bitch to get to the fat, bubbly, pleasant, sensitive woman standing behind her.

Speaking of which, fat submissive women are quite uncommon under the age of 30 or so.  I’ve seen quite a few chubby ones, but a lower proportion than are in the general population.  Most young women I know into the rough stuff are slim…especially if they’re even mildly exhibitionist.

Dommes are often bigger likely because they’re often older, higher testosterone, and just generally more assertive and “together” than average.  Submissive men don’t mind a bit of weight leverage.

This leads us into another of the confusing aspects.  Some formerly hot attention whores who don’t want to do anything to better themselves but have too big entitlement complexes think that they can come into BDSM to escape from the realities of the general sexual market.  They are wrong.  If a Domme looks like she has no control of herself, she’s not going to be very attractive to subs.  The normal self-hating fattie attitude is going to look too dangerous.

A sub has to be able to trust you with his life.  If you are fat, you’d better still be taking care of yourself otherwise.  People in the community don’t demand media perfection in the way normal sheeple do, but because of this, their standards of behavior are going to be higher.

Big because you have health issues or are a higher T woman, or have a sedentary job, or hey, even because you followed the USDA for too long, isn’t going to be bothersome.  Resenting younger, hotter girls who aren’t even competing for the same attention is bothersome.  Getting insecure because your sub’s girlfriend is cute is bothersome.  Being domineering and irresponsible rather than dominant is bothersome.  Pigging out uncontrollably on chocolate every day, hiding food, and other addictive behavior is bothersome.

Big and bad assed is good.  Big and insecure is bad.

Now, I can understand some of the confusion, but what I don’t get is why people who’ve only dipped their toes in, won’t listen to the people who’ve been doing it for decades already.  One lady in the abyss comments said she went to a meeting for submissive women and felt “ousted”.  She thinks that the reason is because she was prettier than the other women there.

I highly doubt that she was the prettiest one there or in the entire community in her area, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.  I think the reason she got the cold shoulder is because of some…uncontrollable, unconscious facial expression that let everybody know she was juding them as less worthy than her based on looks.  Considering most submissive women are owned within a short time of coming out, and the ones who would be at a meeting were likely all owned, this would be rather presumptuous on her part.

Let’s just say she was a mini goddess who was actually benevolent and cool, who floated into the meeting on a cloud.  If this was so, and you had a poly Master, and were maybe Bi yourself, if she was that hot, wouldn’t you want to be her friend?  I sure would.  I’d be scared she might catch a bad one (there are bad ones in every scene) or some newbie who wouldn’t know how to handle her.

All us old broads who are sub, bottom, or relative, or even somewhat submissive vanilla, know what it’s like to be a dove among harpies.  It’s very easy to get one’s self hurt.  What I see happen every time a hot young girl who doesn’t act “fasnickety” comes into a group of kinky women is an immediate protective reaction.  Even if she is a little stuck up, one of the semi martyr brigade will befriend her and try to crack the protective snobbiness shell, for the girl’s own good.  BDSM or even vanilla submissiveness can be a dangerous adventure, and we all need understanding friends.

I was probably 10-20 years younger than a fair proportion of the women around me when I stepped into a TPE munch in the D.C. area for the first time.  This was the first time I entered a community that wasn’t mostly GLBT and people around my age.  They welcomed me with open arms despite my being relative.  Granted, I was fat, but so are a lot of people.

Before I was fat, I had loads of fun in the GLBT general “scene”.  Nobody ever made me feel unwelcome.  I bought my first riding crop at the little shop in the back of the Hidden Door in Corpus Christi.  I got a lot of help even long before that, in learning the ropes, and learning to be okay with not being sexually normal.  This kept me from becoming an absolute raging slut just because I felt nothing with or for most guys I encountered.

So what gives?

I think it’s as Hypatia says, “When the cat can’t get to the milk, he says the milk is sour.”  The confused girl entered a scene where her looks didn’t mean the same thing they mean to the normals.  We value health and beauty, but not at the expense of love and trust.

As to the guys who say I got into BDSM because I was fat, here’s a little reminder of what I looked like the year I realized that I liked the smell of sweat mixed with metal:

This is the world of Bene Viera, a writer on Essence.com.  As you can see for yourself in the discussion forum topic Should a Black man be allowed to disagree? she is a newbie blogger who doesn’t even know what tags are for, but I should not presume to tell her how the internet works.

O…K…

I’d be angrier if this wasn’t just so freaking sad.

Please join in and share your thoughts on thought policing.