Since Tiberias is where the thing was born, that is where I decided it should die.  Also, Diva had an interest in this since she was hurt too.  He was quite rude to her when she was trying to save the relationship.

So I took the elekes I’d made for his protection and to help make an effective solution for his problems, and gave them to Diva, since she is our ile’s child of Oshun.  The children of Oshun are the go-to people for love issues.  She disposed of the things while I watched.  Then we turned from that place and did not look back.

I’ve now relearned the first aett of the Elder Futhark.  Here are the photos.

As if to let me know I’m on the right track, on my way home from Tiberias, I encountered a guy I’d met awhile back and have seen occasionally, who gets it.  He’s a tall, sturdy built Heathen, but he’s way waaaaaay too young for me.  He might like Moon, but she doesn’t like me to match her with anyone.  Considering my track record, I don’t blame her for not trusting my taste.  I did good about her dad and Shai though.  That should count for something, right?

Some friends and others in the Pagan community here are not happy about my decision.  There is this horrible Babylon way of thinking that if something is difficult, uncomfortable, or hurts, that it must be bad.  I hope they’ll understand one day, but if not then it’s not my problem.  I am pressing forward in the way that is most effective and meaningful for me.

i don’t mean the rainbow kind
who become philosophers
i mean the kind who’d smoke a cave
to bring his woman furs

it lives deep down within his heart
so long as he has one
and even when it’s broken
it only twists but isn’t gone

whenever we ask too many a man
that they be more than than men
we drive them to go forth
and commit unspeakable sin

some of us got lucky and
could thrive without a man
and played our influences and riches
to gain the upper hand

the government and corporations
then helped us do the job
now instead of just one per family
there are two now they can rob

you think more direct access
to secondhand resources makes you free
but some poor woman somewhere pays
for your “equality”

you have enough money
to pad your aging skin
enough access to water that
you don’t crack from within

the food that’s on your table
it comes from far away
where some maria or jamila
misses school today

and somewhere there’s a monifa
whose father works in a mine
since he’s not a female
he gets last in the clinic line

but acid in the sand beneath her feet
she still inhales
and none of you can answer why
all of her pregnancies fail

funny that you should look at your watch
while i tell my rhyme
monifa’s dad is sick and her babies die
for your good time

human rights is women’s rights and men’s rights are human rights
and men’s rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are men’s rights
and men and women’s rights are sons’ and daughters’ rights
and your rights are my rights
and mine are yours
alright?

The basics are that some poser claimed to be a fan of mine for 8 years, but knew fuck all about me.  He claimed to want a relationship, but in time, it became clear that he had no clue what that means.  So after wringing my guts for three months, some suggestive photos, and a video of me dancing topless, he dumped me shortly after the video.  If you see me on a porn site, let me know, or fuck it, enjoy.  I didn’t do anything many African women haven’t done on National Geographic before.  The music is just different.

Anyway, as usual, I got to thinking about how I got into this situation.  At the tail end of processing out my emotions for the wannabe, I understood that part of my seeming an “easy target” is that after I had my daughter, I became a bit less warrior and more intellectual.  Prior to that, knowledge was somewhat formerly validated with trials, quests, markings, tests and the like.  Since I became a mom, though, I allowed myself to learn things just from the ears and eyes.  So of course I was going to get the wisdom from pain some other way than before, and of course I lacked that “fresh from the fire” look of someone who was clearly dangerous.

The big question though, is now that I understand that being a bitch is not going to protect me from anything, and masculinization leads guys to think I don’t need them to be men, what to do?  How do I get the message across that I am not someone to play with, and yet keep my femininity?  How can I be a compassionate, loving woman, and incite protectiveness rather than predatoriness?

The answer?  It doesn’t matter.

If someone mistakes me for an easy mark, they are deluded.  Eventually, I’m going to figure them out because I’m not going to adjust to fit any kind of punk-ass.  I’ve also got my own teeth and claws and fight, so predators who really are that, are not an issue.  They will lose interest or simply not mess with me.  The stupid?  They get what’s coming to them.  So what sort of presentation do I need to have?  Just genuine.  Just me.

So…I made the decision, for the sake of my spiritual growth, to approach whatever future projects of acquisitions of knowledge like a warrior because that’s who I am.  Doing it the mostly cerebral way just bought me way too much psychological drama that I am simply not built for, and don’t have time for.  I have to make money and help folks.  I can’t be floored by bullshit that voluntarily won’t matter in 10 years, much less 100.

Then, while talking to Diva about some things, she inspired me to relearn the runes.  I’d studied them by reading about 20 years ago, but didn’t really stick with it because I normally use the bones.  Since I’ve been doing better lately at doing right by all of my Ancestors though, it seems a good idea to take them up again.  This time though, I’m not doing it the cute way.  I’m doing it my way.

Since inscription is one of the valid old ways of learning and taking in as much of the full meaning and power of the runes as one can, I chose it because it is the way warriors who become dedicated wizards do things.  We commit to them fully, and prove that in pain.  So as I learn a new rune, I mark it into my flesh with metal, fire, and ashes.

So far, I’ve done Fehu, Uruz, Thurisaz, and Ansuz, “and I’m feeling good.”

Incidentally, this will probably make me less attractive to posers.  Like my chest brands, they might fade, and if they do, like the same, I’ll have them tattooed on.  In the meantime though, doing things this way has made this round of rune study much more relevant to me.

After I posted the photos of the first two, some of my friends became a bit concerned because they’re not used to people doing things the seriously old way.  One was a bit hypocritical, but I think she understands now.  If not then she doesn’t have to be around me.  I’ll miss her smile, but if it’s just hiding a Babylon “if it’s hard or it hurts it must be wrong” attitude then I can’t walk that path with her.

At any rate, it’s doing good things for me already.  I’m going to mark them in rows of “aett” as I relearn them.  I’ll probably go at a rate of maybe 2 per week, but I’m operating on whatever schedule is natural for me.  I’m using Diana L. Paxson’s Taking up the Runes as a kind of textbook, and getting feedback from Diva and others and browsing various sites for different perspectives.

I’ll post more pics as I go.

I ejaculate fire
A venomous fluid, cantankerous druid
It kills when I breed, with my DETH seed
Checkmate, world dies when I procreate
A bloody mess, bubbles with heat
Fear the splattering
acidic de-mattering
It burns
I’m fried to my loins.

Testicular propane, tanks exploding

via Dethklok – Dethalbum III – I Ejaculate Fire [HD, with booklet lyrics] – YouTube.

as many times as i said that i could wait
so long as there was something to wait for
as many times as i said i’ll be here
and when you want me i’ll come to your door

as many nights i occupied myself
with my own work to keep from missing you
as many ways that i apologized
for any slip or fail in trusting you

nothing i could do was good enough
because you’d already decided for me
you’d made made a self fulfilling prophecy
and set me up making excuses to ignore me

so there was no way that i could win this
your mind was made up that first night we met
so you might as well have stayed away from me
you’re now the first love in my life that i regret

After the fact, it’s just the price of doing business, and you should suck it up and take your knocks like a man.

If a woman doesn’t hate you for breaking her heart, then she never saw you as a man. You never had any power over her, and she never dreamed that you might be the one.

If you did stimulate love in her, then her vengeance (or justice if she was raised with honor) will be epic.  You will pay dearly, and she will ensure this is so even if she destroys herself in the process.

If she is not willing to destroy herself — to dash her soft, fragile body and soul upon the stones of your indifference, then you failed to inspire her to love you.

So take heart and delight in every trial and every closed door and every beating and every tragedy that befalls you as a result of harming a woman’s soul.  You couldn’t have harmed it without touching it.

The Japanese have a festival in which a giant wooden cock is carried through the streets.

Your penis is the ideal delivery tool of half the genetic material needed to make a human.

It is also perfectly textured and shaped to pleasure humans of whatever gender in many ways.

It has enzymes at the tip that prevent depression in women.

Some people who’ve tried every drug there is will stills ay there is nothing better than sex with a person who they love and who loves them in return.

The penis, like the vagina, is sacred. It can wield the power of life or death. Whatever you choose to do with it, choose with that in mind. Ashe!