Me: :: no answer ::

Him: Faded away?

Me: Neither you nor any of the other lightweights here could fade me.

Him: Lightweight? Me? Getting confident I see…

Me: The weak are confident.  The strong are qualified.

Heh heh heh.

It’s been about a year since the refrigerator kiss.  Since then, I thought about changing Slick’s nickname to Hannibal, but he hasn’t earned that, at least not yet.  He’d have a chance if he got his parasite under control, but until then, he’s one of those guys I just have to drool about from afar.

It’s going to get harder this year because this is the year I move to the next phase of my diet: portion control.  If the cosmetic aspects weren’t important to me, I wouldn’t go there, but I am kind of vain in my way.  I’m an artist, and I want to transform myself into a living work of art…sanely but still.

As I write, I’m in a bit of pain, and freezing even though it’s 66 degrees here.  I’ve started working out in the morning instead of the evening, and so I had to take a cold shower, which didn’t help.  “That which does not kill us…” though.  I’ve survived worse.

While my hormones were shifting, I went through a very non sexual phase, but I’ve gotten back to normal.  Yet I feel less screwed than I did a few days ago, when the Shai issues became apparent.  I thought of the older couples I know where one partner or the other has had a bad heart attack, stroke, cancer, or something, and calmed down.  So I’ll have a longer run than most of a celibate marriage, but that’s just the circle of life.  At least he’s otherwise well, and for this I am very grateful.  I don’t see my life without him.

For my sanity though, I may have to have occasional spot treatments.  I’ll just go with the flow on that, but I’m not lowering my standards as far as ethics.  No legally obligated clients of whores.  My extracurriculars are going to be restricted to the poly community.

The bad news is that in Israel, it is very small.  Most of them are swingers in the bad, emotionally disconnected way, not the free love way.  So I still have to tread carefully.  I’d easier for me to sort them out within the community though.  A small world means that someone’s reputation isn’t too difficult to find out.