Wow. Great post.

I think you like to beat yourself up a lot.

Even now you’ve realised you meant more to these guys than you thought, you’re beating yourself up for not realising it.

Give yourself a break. From the sounds of it, you’re a really good person.

And you have guys you find attractive, who want to sleep with you, and also feel affection for you. That’s great. Anything more is just ego-boosting superfluity.