Wow. Great post.
I think you like to beat yourself up a lot.
Even now you’ve realised you meant more to these guys than you thought, you’re beating yourself up for not realising it.
Give yourself a break. From the sounds of it, you’re a really good person.
And you have guys you find attractive, who want to sleep with you, and also feel affection for you. That’s great. Anything more is just ego-boosting superfluity.