Thank you, SDaedalus 🙂

I beat myself up over this because I liked to think that I was a fair person…not always nice, but fair. That I’ve treated people unfairly is a problem for me.

There are also things I lost because of bad things that happened, that I’m determined to get back. A sense of balance is one of them. To do that, I had to come out of the victim mentality, which I thought I had, but that was like the one thing left.

It feels kind of weird to have been the offender. I think I understand the position of guys who screw up better now. I really had no clue of the context in which I was operating. My worldview was that of, I guess, a privileged few. I was so blind that I didn’t know that people don’t normally get a fraction of what I was getting so much as to be annoyed with outside of a commitment.

Now I see their point of view better. These guys are the type of men who probably never had to work hard to get female attention or affection, so that was the default. They were open and expressive because that’s just how it’s done, even if you don’t have a defined relationship.

So I was annoyed because, being female, I saw them as pretending to care, when they weren’t pretending. They just grew up in a feminized world where commitment means castration.

I, personally, was not and am not interested in castrating anyone. So, to avoid frustration, I should hold out for the definition of a relationship. It’s not about waiting until a certain time for the sex, just waiting until I know he trusts me enough to understand that I’m not trying to hurt him.

I was basically giving them something they don’t deserve, but they were giving me something I didn’t deserve too. Then I would get frustrated and angry because they felt overly entitled, when I allowed the situation to exist.

There’ll be no more of that.