Anoukange, I get what you’re saying, but there’s still this elephant in the room: you’re talking about clinginess after ***SEX***.

I don’t think I misinterpreted you, just that there’s a difference in perspective between hot girls and plain or socially ugly girls. Maybe all your life, guys have kissed your ass, so a guy being (brain cells popping as I say this) aloof in the bedroom is something different and mysterious. For me however, it would be a soul destroying nightmare come to life.

It’s not like similar things have never happened to me. I experimented a bit in high school, and things were cool and non clingy because we were friends and peers who were badly programmed. It was pathological though, and by around the middle of my senior year, I think we all understood that.

…but how we rolled wasn’t about keeping hand or saving face. We were just…cool. We were pals, not really interested in any deep romantic connections. It was all about the curiosity, and it seemed a great opportunity to have people it was safe to explore with. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say Poetry likely went through a similar passage in her youth. It’s not the cock carousel, but more of a people being cool with each other, and during that a young woman kind of figures herself out and how she’s going to do things after.

Nobody here, as far as I can see, is trying to insult you. It’s just that we don’t get how a guy rolling off, or even being stingy about cuddling, adds mystery rather than panic that one may just have shagged a clever aspie.

Like going to bed with this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9HFOyxQ2xE

and waking up with this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GkK8u969Z0

It’s why I don’t take Vegeta back. He looks like #1 but behaves too much like #2…but even he was a post coital clutcher.

I’m not saying you’re wrong to want whatever it is you want, just that the idea that mystery jetting could actually be a good thing and that guys since at least my grandfather’s generation (I asked more old dudes) have been using this tactic effectively, blew my mind and scorched what was left of my already tattered snowflake. Reading the OP, I’m thinking, “Hm. This is new, and makes sense even though it would drive me personally to the convent.” Like serial killer game, it was bringing some attractive pathology into the mix.

Then when you answered, I was like, “What??? Wait…” and some ticking. Then I asked around a bit, and BOOM!!!!!!

I wasn’t saying my partners like me more. I was saying that apparently, they felt safe enough to not play that card with me. What I did by pulling away myself, and being bitchy was undermine those feelings of safety. So I was respected and feared, but this is not really what I wanted to be. I want to be loved more than they fear their worst fear. I want their worst fear to become losing me. So I was triggering small fears in place of creating a situation wherein I could get the big one.

…and by the same, I was assuaging my own petty fears to keep from having the big fear about them.

So again, I’m not trying to insult you at all. Your perspective taught me that I had been going about things all wrong. Because of your experiences of having an overabundance of romantic attention, I got to see that it was nature or compulsion, not a calculated attempt at gaining my affection in order to crush me, that caused my ex boyfriends to behave as they did. This is how a guy acts when he wants to be close to someone he finds attractive.

I was the dumbass with the fear of vulnerability limiting my perspective.