Hello anonymous 🙂 You did a good thing by seeking out someone with the same interests as you from the start. I can understand the identity crisis though. I think some of the problem is the boxes we put people in, and the conflation of desires with identity. It does not make you Gay or even Bi to be curious or to have homoerotic fantasies about men. It’s actually quite normal. I think it is part of some sort of hierarchical impulses born of admiration that sort of crystallizes into a sexual fantasy. Not every guy has full blown fantasies, but so many do that it is normal, even if it’s not universal. Also, bear in mind that many supermasculine very high testosterone type men regard feminine men as something like females. I’ve seen some unconsciously show chivalrous behavior towards feminine men, and more masculine boys provide protection on the playground for some of their more bookish peers. It’s not that they all actually want to have sex with feminine men, but sometimes things can go that way.

What makes you Gay is when you seriously prefer sex and romantic relationships with men, and what makes one Bi is when they are seriously not gender picky and don’t feel anything crucial is missing with someone on either far end of the gender spectrum. Your desires are an important indicator of who you are, but there’s a desire and then there is a necessity. Gay means that you need a man…that if someone is not a man, important things are missing from the relationship. If you’re more bottom, it may be the way that a more dominant man contains you. If you are more top, it may be the special way that a feminine man nurtures you in a way that is distinct from born females.

Before you do anything rash, consider that statistically, Gay-Gay is somewhat rare. If your fantasies about men are strictly sexual and have no emotional content, then chances are, you’re not Gay. You’re just wondering what it’d be like to bang a dude. You’ve explored being dominated and penetrated by a woman, and now you’re wondering what that experience would be like with a man whose penis is attached to him. If it’s just sexual, I can’t say whether you should go for it. It depends how strong your curiosity about that is.

If it has emotional content though, it is definitely worth it to find a caring dude to take you through it. Either way, be aware that there are many messed up people out there, and use your brain and your gutt to find someone truly psychologically safe to lose your man-cherry to.

Wherever this journey takes you, let it take you to an honest place, where you and whoever you’re with get your needs met, and nobody is getting exploited. It is much more important that your interactions be honorable than it is which gender they are with.