Thanks for this post. I’m a kinkster and I have mixed feelings about the term “primal” and how it’s being used in the bdsm community. I have two main concerns.

1. “Primal” can be misused to justify overstepping boundaries and allows players who mess up to eschew responsibility. Plenty of subs go non-verbal in subspace, and tops can too. But the top needs to stay grounded in reality at least enough to be aware of their play partners needs. Being in primal headspace should not be used as an excuse for getting carried away and harming a sub (even if unintentional).

2. I also worry that primal play can be a tool of cultural appropriation, like that early 90s “urban savage” movement that happened among white gay men. It usurped the symbols and language of indigenous cultures to naturalize gay male sexual desire. And frankly, I see too many white primal-identified folks on Fetlife wearing feathers or bones and tribal tattoos or scarring. They seem no more enlightened or progressive than a white sorority girl dressed as Pocahontas.

But if cultural appropriation can be avoided and primal tops can remain risk-aware and attuned to their subs needs and limits, I think primal play could be very freeing.