I just got the weekend series of texts from Slick. He still hasn’t fixed my bed, but he’s still trying to get back in. Flattering as it is that anybody’s interested in having sex with me at my age, the fact that anyone thinks they can just break my stuff and not fix it, and that I’ll keep seeing them afterwards, is starting to piss me off. It’s like texting to remind me every week how worthless I am to him.
So from now on, I’m just not going to answer. I’ve had enough. It looks like I’ll be keeping that promise I made to myself a bit longer.
I have to blame myself for this annoyance though. Before I woke up, I taught him a bad lesson: that I was desperate and stupid. The truth is that I was just ignorant when it came to perceived class differences, and how low some guys will reach to scrape the bottom of their idea of the barrel.
In the U.S. if a guy thinks you’re a monkey or unworthy in some crucial way, he’s not shagging you, at least not more than once. It just isn’t worth the bother to mess around with women they don’t like, especially since there’s plenty of porn.
Here though, there’s porn and prostitutes. There’s no reason for a guy to go for someone he feels is ugly when there are cute, young prostitutes who will do it for around $72 a pop or per hour. It costs less to shag a young, blonde prostitute with a tight body than it does for someone to get a full head of cornrows from me.
The reason they bottom feed though, I honestly believe, is that they’re cheap here. There’s a special thrill from treating someone they feel is inferior like crap for free that they don’t get from paying for someone who is as pretty as they feel they deserve. It’s really weird and foreign to me, but a fact of the culture here I have no choice but to accept and protect myself from.
I try not to be mean about it, but it gets really difficult sometimes. I understand that it is normal here, but it’s freakin’ disgusting. As I told Vegeta once, I’ve never been desperate enough to shag someone I honestly felt was ugly or unworthy of me, so I really don’t understand the mentality of people who can do that. If someone thinks I’m worthless, they should just stay away from me. If they think I have a great personality but I’m sexually unworthy, then we should keep it very very platonic.
Figuring out how Slick really felt about me was a big blow to my ego, but once the hammer fell on my rationalization hamster, it was dead. When he texts, it’s like poking it with a stick.
So I’m just burying the poor thing in an unmarked grave where he can’t find it to dig it up and molest it again. It’s time.