Over the past few months, my personal Mrs. Havisham, Diva, has been schooling me on Israeli men. She explained NMS, and this helped me a lot. Now, we’ve moved to practical dating advice, and I am having one of those, “Oh FUCK!” moments.
I learned today that, for Israeli standards, I am obsessive and a doormat. Because I didn’t know how things worked here, assumed that western social contracts and etiquette applied where it doesn’t, I have been basically asking to be treated like crap. This country is, socially, a feminist experiment gone terribly wrong, and exacerbated by ethnic conflicts that impose limitations and illusions that are unbreakable without the individuals moving to different countries.
There is a reason why Israelis who move away from here because they couldn’t live with the way things are here, don’t even want to socialize with other Israelis abroad. At the core of this is the complete lack of anything like honor and basic courtesy.
Before anyone accuses me of antisemitism, be mindful that I am aware that the U.S. predominantly non Jewish, is where a lot of this crap originated. It’s just that here, because it’s a small country, any upset in the balance of Nature becomes a disaster very quickly.
What I am trying to say is that Israel is not just not a western society. It is not a civil society. Most of the problems from the government down to the treatment of workers are because there is no such thing here as a social contract, neither explicit nor implied. People’s word here means absolutely nothing.
Somehow, the infrastructure hasn’t collapsed yet, but I am guessing this is only because there are enough Russians and others from former Soviet countries here who do have some idea of a civil society, and why it’s not a good idea to let the water and sewage system go too far into disrepair. Were it not for them, I am pretty sure this would be an Arab country.
I should probably have known what was wrong with this place from the fact that people think Russians and Ukrainians are crazy. Indeed many of them cope with life here in ways that are very understandable, but sometimes very harmful or at least counterproductive. This is a place that tries to kill the civility in them, and often succeeds. So the strong battle the hardest against this. Many get broken.
In this context, I would like to inform any civil women out there who are single and coming to this hell hole to turn back now unless they are willing to be callous enough to take the following advice…
The way to date Israeli men is not to.
In the category of things I wish I knew 10 years ago, I have been informed that one is not actually in a relationship with an Israeli man until he has taken her to a romantic “tsimmer” and introduced you to his friends/family as his girlfriend. A tsimmer is basically a theme inn or hotel where a couple spends a sort of romantic spa week or weekend. There are different kinds, the sexual fantasy oriented, and the romantic. You are not in a relationship until he has taken you to the romantic sort and made a formal announcement of your status.
By “not in a relationship”, I mean totally not in a relationship. Whatever rotation or turnover you had when you met the guy should remain the same until he has actually taken you to the tsimmer and announced. It does not matter what he does aside of this or what he promises to do or if he promises that he loves you. Short of getting a tattoo or other shedding of blood to prove his affections, the tsimmer is the measure.
His saying that you are his girlfriend or asking you to be his girlfriend or even to marry you means nothing. If you have a ring, but he hasn’t taken you to a tsimmer, five other women have probably worn that ring before you, and five more will after you.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is because you may have heard of the “L.A. minimum”. This is a measure that some girls in the Los Angeles area use to gauge a man’s interest in her. In some lower income areas, a man isn’t really serious about you until he’s spent at least $500 on you. In some middle and upper middle class areas, this could be a new car. In Israel, it’s something like that, but mostly around a specific event. In Israel, if he has bought you a car and paid your tuition, but hasn’t taken you to a tsimmer and nobody in his social group knows you are officially in a relationship, he is just some dude you are shagging.
Oh, and about the shagging, if he is the only guy you are shagging, he must never know this. If you don’t have a harem of at least two other bitches, you are a loser. If you can’t actually bring yourself to shag other dudes, you should at least have them on standby. Feel free to tease them mercilessly. You can take out your frustrations about being occasionally neglected by your main guy on them, and they will just love you more for this.
I know it sounds horrible and cruel, but Israeli men don’t understand anything but horrible and cruel. Actually it’s not horrible or cruel because these guys really do not want you to be nice to them. They don’t want your compassion or kindness, so if you give it to them, you are imposing on them.
The nicest thing you can do for an Israeli man is to treat him like the dirt on your shoe…an annoying presence in your life that you only tolerate for the sake of having something to do to break the boredom of work. Now, before you accuse me of being bitter, remember that I am a big fan of Star Trek. This is not cruelty. This is Klingon.
Like Klingons, Israeli men are caught in between a somewhat advanced technological situation, and a barbaric social sphere. They need you to treat them like you hate them so that the few seconds a month you show them any actual affection/mercy, they feel they’ve earned something important.
The more you love them, the more “cruelly” you should treat them. If not, you are selling yourself short. Women without options are nice to men here. Women with options are insanely hostile and neglectful. That’s just how it works.
“Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.”