Occasionally along my journey as a sassy old broad, I encounter a professed male feminist. Some even fancy themselves activists, and participate in whatever march or political campaign the group is involved with.
Every single time, these supposed sympathetic males’ attention turns to me, they end up being over entitled piglets whose worldview is even more skewed than the supposed chauvanists of the patriarchy they claim to be against. Every last one has assumed solely based on my being an African (-American) and available, that I should be compliant. Every one has blown up into hysterical anger upon finding out that I am not.
So that those of you who haven’t seen my other sites or Facebook understand how insane they are, here is one of the photos in my online dating profile:
This is me at the grave of Natan Ikar, one of the “O.G.” freethinkers of Israel, who died very likely of syphillis contracted from some of the local whores. A friend of his carved on his slab by hand, an image of Beelzebub.
The grave is visited somewhat rarely, but mainly by serious “dark” intellectuals here, whether or not we agree with his politics because he was one of us. He is an honored Ancestor for people who think outside the box and are willing to endure and die for our ideals.
Another of my photos is of me at my altar. Another is of me at a spa/hot springs. Yet for some reason, wishful thinking overrides all logic and plain visible evidence, and these so-called male feminists assume that I am a compliant, kittenish dummy…and then react with actual anger when it becomes clear that I am not.
Now, I’m not a feminist, but I am sure that an over entitled probably racist horndog who thinks women owe him sex just because of his professed ideology, is not what a female feminist would define as one. MRA’s would class most male feminists as manginas, but I am coming to the belief that professing feminism is a strategy for males who think it will give them easy access to easy women. Additionally, they are of the belief that since they are professed feminists, women owe them sex. We should be grateful that they’re not raping us, and go along with whatever degrading context they put us in instead.
I am usually treated quite well or at least quite respectfully by more traditional men, despite my supposed low sexual market value. I am definitely not a virgin. I’ve been married twice. I’m not saving myself for the next marriage. Still, just the fact that I am not the town bike, am pleasant towards those who are pleasant towards me, and dress for my size wins me a lot of positive attention. I may not have the number of fans that I would if I were a 10, but I’m doing okay. It’s just that most guys in my age range are either taken, or single for very good reasons.
In fact, I’m so wifey that guys under my usual age range, but who are mature enough to handle me, are often too unrealistic about what I can give them and what they should do about that. They want to get married and make children, and by the time they are stable enough for that, I won’t be fertile or as safely fertile anymore. That’s how my last relationship ended. He believes that my asking him to view the situation realistically, and date until he finds someone to marry and make children with, is reducing him to a “booty call”.
Some others were more realistic, but unable to view me as more than a perhaps overly prized booty call, and got emotional issues around it. I’m trying to tell them to lighten up and enjoy our time, and they want to talk about how they need more…and really, I don’t fault them for this. I know they do need more, but I just don’t have the years to give them more than my love. They need to take a lesson from their grandfathers and learn to compartmentalize, but with things as they are today, I can’t blame them for having trouble with it.
Still, with all the trouble, the traditional guys manage not to actually treat me like dirt. The so called feminist guys, or the ones operating on a twisted version of feminist principles are the idiots who think my vagina is a public place that should be open to anyone who comes along, or else I am wrong.
Among the things male feminists have called me because I was unresponsive to their shopping for meat at the butcher lines of questioning, or unwilling to meet them in dangerous situations there is:
- traumatized (by the way they imagine other guys who weren’t feminists have treated me, but is actually the way feminist guys usually treat me)
- a whore (ironically because I am unresponsive to meat shopping)
- and last but not least…primitive.
Yes, a few of them have actually gone to primitive because I insist that someone meet me in public places until I feel safe with them, or don’t want to do some sort of sexual activity.
Now, with this level of consistency, I seriously doubted that it is just me experiencing this. Turns out I was right. Even female feminists are fed up with some of the crap of male feminists.
A selection of articles:
Though I disagree with the idea that trying to make men more feminist as opposed to simply more decent human beings, is a good one, Kate Iselin in Spook Magazine makes an excellent point:
To respond (to men forcing the frame of conversation on women’s rights to their interests) can feel like pandering, but when we don’t we’re treated the same way we’re treated when we don’t respond to catcalls: fine, bitch, I didn’t want your opinion anyway. This is reverse bimbofication, feminism viewed through the lens of the ever-present male gaze. When men expect women to be one thing and one thing only, whether it’s a housewife, a sex goddess, or a feminist, we can never really be seen as human.
If we’re going to be insulted because we disagree with them or because we don’t give up sex on demand, then they’re not helping women. They’re just trying to find an angle.
Jenny Kutner’s article at Connections.mic takes on the Ben Schoen incident and various other situations of “nice guy syndrome” dudes thinking that calling themselves feminists gives them a free pass to be nasty:
Calling yourself a feminist isn’t a free pass to be awful to women. It’s important to note that this type of behavior isn’t limited to online trolls or crybabies who call women fat when they don’t message them back on Tinder. It also appears in more subtle form in the form of the nice guy syndrome, a term used to describe men who are superficially decent and respectful to women in the hopes their behavior will earn them sex later on down the road.
On the experience of dating a male feminist, Ann Sterzinger’s (not a feminist, but female) experiences from her article Why Dating a Male Feminist is Like Dating a Bitchy Girl are similar to my own:
…the most abusive, nasty, and whiny guys I run into into are invariably male feminists. They treat women exactly as badly as they claim all the other guys treat women.
They’re selfish and lazy in bed; they use the evils of chivalry as an excuse for making you do their share of the housework as well as theirs; they’ll gladly let you pay for all the groceries in the name of independence. Their idea of empowering you is refusing to pull their own weight.
I’m not saying all more traditional men are perfect. It’s just that certain problems you know in advance you’re not going to have. You know the guy has a mom who he loves, for instance. He likely also has sisters and other female relatives of varying levels of conservativism, the more traditional of whom he is very happy to protect. He will like you more if you can cook…and if he is a dirty horndog, he is probably a rather inept one who doesn’t know to pretend not to be a horndog.
Abusers come in both traditional and liberal flavored, and neglect perps and victims as well. So one can’t tell what is what by its politics. The fake type of male feminist though, is likely to have come from a family with low morals (or high morals at the surface but deep sick corruption underneath), or else he would actually be trying to embody feminist values instead of using them as a cop out or a free pass.
Even the more real male feminists who have sex sideways or don’t penetrate, and don’t think they necessarily deserve a good boy sticker for it, show the inherent racism of their ideology. They view cultures wherein men are more protector-provider, and women more nurturer-resources manager as lower and not as advanced. Even when those people live right beside them, and the mothers work right alongside their mothers not just for necessity but to increase the family’s wealth, if that working woman insists that her husband function as the main provider, she is somehow wrong. They use this insult not only against African women who demand their potential mates not be slackers, but against Hispanic women in the U.S. and Mizrahi and Slavic women here in Israel as well.
Apparently, Anglo American feminist style is the only valid way to be a strong woman, according to these “nice guys”.
So it’s not just me. Even feminists smell a rat. It would be nice if they accepted that men and women are just different, and that men have to be taught to value themselves, value their manhood, and value other functioning people, male, female, or androgyne. Dividing human rights up into subgroups’ rights isn’t going to really get them on board or learning to value women. At least though, they smell this bullshit for what it really is.