It feels like love. That first time it happens to you. The Montalban-Young scenario where people meet and just know something. Yes, here and there we Primals are developing lexicons. The mainstream has stripped the depth from certain terms, so we’re individually coming up with less corruptible terms.
Two (or in some rare occasions more) people who within a few milliseconds of physical proximity, know they are going to do it. They may not actually do it on the first meeting, but they know they’re going to. Like killer whales, their breathing synchronizes and they fold into each other like the corners of a fitted sheet. Their bodies just do what they do, and things happen. They almost black out, but it’s more like when you are eating something really good, I mean REALLY good, and in that moment it is everything and you are in heaven, and afterwards you are shocked at how much you are or what a mess you made doing so, and if your belly could take it you would eat more and more.
You’d think it was love.
Except when it happens with someone you barely know but kinda like. Then you keep kinda liking them. Eventually you might love them, but what’s happening with your bodies seems to be happening in a place outside of emotion. That’s what used to be called “love at first sight” and later could be called “chemistry”, but I like to call MY.
If you’re lucky, you’ll have that with one person in your lifetime. No amount of the protocols we build for physical and psychological/emotional safety will dissuade them. They’ll pass all your little tests and accept your disclaimers. When the moment of contact occurs, your psyches automatically drive you to do things your bodies can barely stand. It’s as good as it ever gets.
If you’re lucky, you and that person will end up together, but that’s rare in my observation. Most of the time, it is messy, inconvenient, and inappropriate. It’s someone else’s spouse who got married not knowing what you have could exist. It’s someone broken who can’t contain a relationship,or you’re the one who’s too broken to just let it be. What’s really tragic is the cases where one or the other has been told their relationship is “unhealthy” or it is criticized by someone who has either never had it or rejected it from fear. They will put what you have in the context of normal or exploitative sex like, “You licked her what??? That’s so gross! You bruised her? You’re an abuser!”
Miserable, deprived people often like others to be miserable and deprived. Some are experts at killing MY. Most of the time, it is from jealousy. It’s not something one can make happen. No amount of work is going to make people match this way who don’t match,but no amount of denial can make people un-match once they’ve matched this way. You either keep seeing each other or you suffer, and that’s that.