So, a single woman or femme or just very angel-pretty masculine, whether Dominant or submissive has many takers. We go outside and are hounded between the ages of 12 and 40, some sooner and later than this. It’s like the Chris Rock joke, “Would you like some dick with that?” Though more conventionally beautiful women get exponentially more attention, even women some would consider “ugly”, so long as they have even a hint of natural beauty or grace, have plenty of guys trying to shag them. It’s just the way it is. Women may cry and moan about unrealistic beauty standards and whatnot, but this is basically something like a rich person with enough disposable income to own a Lexus complaining that they don’t have a Bentley.
Male Doms and subs are plentiful. Conventional males who identify as men/masculine even moreso. They need a lot of sex a lot more often than most feminine people, even those of us with relatively high sex drives. I don’t think I could beat the average guy’s less than harmful level of two tugs a day even in my best years. No way I could make four a day. Maybe three times a week during a dry spell, and if I knew no (decent) sex (with someone I actually wanted) was coming for a long time, I’d kind of shut down for months at a time.
Add to this the fact that dick is dangerous. It’s especially dangerous for women in the freak community.
Hundreds of one of the most standard of the different, trans women, are murdered every year. Some of this is from police and civilian hater violence, but a good bit of it is from domestic or partner violence. From family who can’t accept them to partners who think they are “bottom feeding” or doing someone a favor by being able to get with someone they consider defective, trans women have been on the receiving end of tons of hostile dick. If we were to factor in crossdressers who have a heavy feminine streak but don’t necessarily identify as women, those numbers would probably quadruple.
Born female women already know the deal since young usually. We have to worry about the risk of pregnancy from puberty. Quite often, especially for those of us of darker complexions, the pursuit from men starts earlier because in some places we aren’t seen as children (or even as full women, but some exploitable beings with vaginas) past the age of maybe 8 or 9. That in many of our countries of origin and ancestry, we are taking on adult duties by that age, does not help this situation.
So dick, for the vast majority of feminine people, represents a very possible danger. Good men tend not to understand this because they were raised to be protectors, and it’s hard for them to get into a predatory mind. However, one could do an exercise: think of the last time you were rejected, and imagine feeling like that all the time. That’s what predatory people (masculine and feminine) feel, and it makes them crazy and leads them to feel entitled to harm others as a way of soothing their ego.
With all that counting against you, here you are with your non standard desires, entering the BDSM, Primal, Swinger, Fetish, etc. communities. Is it a wonder that few people are talking to you? Or that the ones who are may be shady?
I never thought it would happen on my watch, but one of my mens believed he was in love with someone who he’d never even done a live video chat with after a year of interaction. This person was obviously catfishing him or not interested really in making a real relationship. At best it was what Diva calls a “ghost relationship”. It’s where a feminine person wants the attention and benefits of a relationship without any of the mess or possible danger. So she engages in a lot of fantasy and cybersex, but reveals little or no information about who she is. Eventually it escalates to claims of undying love that may be genuine from the masculine side, but from her side, is just a way to feed her confidence and/or bank account.
I have an acquaintance who has a stable full of ghost studs sending her gifts and money under an altered name. They don’t even know her real name. She knows everything about them. They know nothing about her.
A little fly on the wall tells me some of these grifters get started in their teens and may use that against guys they are talking to. It’s not always a direct threat, but after some time of doing freaky cybersex with someone, if they tell you they are underaged, they have you by the balls.
Young men need to know the dangers. More importantly, they need to make life decisions that will offer them some protection from the dangers. Some of these dudes are eschewing community involvement and relationships with mentors and peers to chase these fantasies that will either bite them in the ass or leave them broke and/or broken.
Nobody wants to be a beta orbiter, but if you have the awesome luck of a feminine friend who actually gets into your business, keep her. Keep the relationship clean of groveling or chasing her, but keep her around. She understands women better than you do, and she will warn you of danger.
If you have the insanely awesome fortune of a partner who loves you as you are, and doesn’t want to cage you non consensually, you are living the dream. I don’t care what her conventional statistics are, so long as you love her and she gets you hard. Don’t trade her for what seems like a more “normal” relationship unless you are ready to basically live your life never really being desired again.
Good as you may think your dick is because you had the luck of someone who actually wants to ride it, there are many where you came from. Among freaks, we don’t have the illusions normals do. We’ve already broken many internal barriers to gain our self worth, or had those barriers broken by force. To be who we are, and live our lives, especially those of us who are out, we had to fight, so we’re not going to be lonely if you leave us.
We will grieve, but someone will come along to dry our tears until we die or don’t want sex anymore. That’s just how it is being a feminine freak. If we survive to a certain point and manage to lose our self destruction issues (not all do, but even those who don’t find some monster to replace the one that left) we get pretty good at picking the good dick. If you really move us, we will resist letting you go, and love you forever, but we are very used to living without *everything* we want. We can love a guy at a safe distance and keep that distance if he is unsafe.
Aside of the benefits of having a good, stable partner in the bedroom and the heart, a stable relationship opens worlds to you that are closed for single masculine people. If your feminine partner is bi and polyamorous, so long as she is not your girlfriend or you are resisting labels and owning the relationship, the world will look like a desert in which she is the one cactus that is flowering. Once you own that though, and enough trust is established, you will see pussy you would never see as a single man.
The PUA’s call this “social proofing”. If you are with someone and deemed safe, then other women know they will probably be safe with you too. So long as you are floundering, inconsistent, or keeping her hanging, you are unsafe. So why should she facilitate you doing the same thing to others?
Once you are in a stable relationship, you are living the dream. Nowadays, there would be nothing missing in a freak relationship that you would get in a conventional relationship except maybe some social status points, but even that is iffy. You could find someone statistically sound but psychologically screwed who would be more of a shame to the family than your freak partner would have been. So bonus if you got the freak with some home skills and social grace.
Some things that make you less attractive in conventional circles, may become assets. You’d be surprised. I know of Lesbian couples who want to have children and prefer to do so with sperm donors with all sorts of features one wouldn’t think of as important, but match their family or individual quirks. There are also single straight women who just know they don’t want to live with a man, but want children. There are all sorts of people looking for all sorts of situations but just that would be healthy for the children. Some are even into coparenting and would have no issues with sharing custody or even moving in for pooling resources. There are all kinds of options for stable, consenting adults.
So long as you are out there being flakey and not owning your relationships though, you will be shut out.
Side note, I’ve noticed that many trans men seem to get this in a way that born male men don’t in this generation. They very likely had nobody telling them how to man while growing up, and yet they understand that to be sexually and emotionally visible, one needs to be stable. So they get involved in community and activism, and own their relationships quite well. Y’all may want to take a cue.
In short, ownership of self is important. Decisiveness is important. Stability is important. Young men need to get this into your heads. Feminine people are pragmatic, and the healthy minded ones seek stability in a partner. Don’t come to the “alternative” communities looking for an escape from responsibility. Coming out here will only test it further.