I live my life with nothing to hide. I don’t mess with people who don’t mess with me. Truth be told, I don’t even give back a fraction of what some people who’ve harmed me or tried their damndest to, deserve. Over time though, I came to understand that here in Israel, sometimes people do bad things to me because they don’t think I can do anything about it. They see my skin and know that where I am from, people who look like me get shot in the streets by authorities, and murdered quietly, and those who killed them get away with it. Women who look like me disappear and then get blamed for whatever happens to them.
This time though, I understand that another woman who looks a bit like me is in danger. She may make the mistake of getting with a person who apparently chooses women who look like me to exploit and hurt. Not being satisfied with hurting us and us getting away from him, he will seek out our friends to twist the knife.
I am not the first African woman this man has chosen to harm. If I do not speak out, I will not be the last. I hope this information gets to who it needs to.
If anyone reading this sees this person, you do not have to say anything to him directly, but if you see him with someone with dark skin, please warn her or do something to mess up the situation. You could just say, “There is no corner you can hide from Eshu.”
Thank you, and blessings. If you get a video of the incident, I will personally make you a prosperity amulet.
The basic story is that we saw each other for a bit over a year and a half. He claimed that he loved me, but that was obviously untrue, as he abandoned me a couple of weeks after my right knee surgery. He’s not a rapist or a violent psychopath or anything, but I am afraid that the African American woman he is seducing online may be the victim of a passport scam. I don’t think anyone who is emotionally predatory as he is, can be naive enough to really be in love with a woman he met online. He is incapable of feeling anything that deeply. That’s just the line of bull he sold me and now my friend Diva to justify his behavior.
The only reason I’m posting this now is because last week, he messaged Diva claiming that he wanted to come back, probably because it wasn’t working out with his current scam, but then flipped on that this morning all of a sudden. It’s probably because he managed to get the woman he’s conning back. He told me some time ago, that she calls herself Alexis. Since I have a relative sharing the same name, that kinda hits close to home.
I understand that may have been a lie like almost everything else he ever told me. Whatever. I just don’t want another woman to get hurt. I would be just as mad no matter what ethnicity the woman was, but the fact that he’s choosing African American women makes it extra gross. He thinks we’re desperate and stupid apparently. I understand that this is partly my screw up, and take full responsibility for my part in helping to make this monster a bit more skilled in deception. I am sorry that I didn’t do enough in the past couple of years to cure him of that stereotype, but I am a fast learner. This page will sit here forever to remind African and diaspora women to beware of this type of jerk.
As I’ve said before, even though I don’t discriminate, swirling should not be a trend exactly because of this kind of guy. Some men say they like African women, but the big questions is why. Apparently this one likes us because he thinks he can exploit us.
Now that I’ve done this, I know there is a high risk of the world seeing some revenge porn of me. If so, it will likely show up on his YouTube channel, which I’m not linking to because I have some class. I’m watching it though, in case I might need to involve the police. He was stupid enough to press me for a deeper commitment even though I would have been fine with a “friendly dick” situation. Then he was stupid enough to lie to me. He’s stupid enough to think that he’s going to con an African American woman in the U.S. and not get disappeared by her friends or family if he screws up. He might be stupid enough to post videos of me without my consent.
Humiliating him is not important to me since one can’t exactly hurt a heartless person. This is just to let folks know what is going on and what might happen in the future. I am willing to take this risk to protect my people. So if you see me or my ass on any fetish sites, just know that I took one for the team and enjoy. Everything I did was for love. Since he tried to feed Diva the line that he didn’t really love me, but just loved what I did for him, he can’t say the same.
I know that I am not the prettiest woman. I know that I am past my prime whatever most people consider that to be. I am not the easiest person to live with or get along with. I have trust issues. I freak out sometimes when I’m afraid someone’s trying to screw me over. I definitely have abandonment issues, though I manage them by understanding that everything is temporary. When I am with someone whether the relationship is “casual” or serious, I treat people with respect. All I ask is one thing: don’t fuck with my head. Don’t say things you don’t mean. Don’t play with my emotions. Apparently though, that’s too much to ask of some people.
Though I can’t say I thought long and hard about making this post, I’m glad that I did. I was in a rage hearing from Diva that this guy came back just to shit up her mind and my heart again. That’s what psychos do. They get you to open up your heart so they can take a dump in it.
Independent as I like to think I am, thought-wise, I did give a moment to, “What will people think? Will they think I’m just someone’s crazy ex ranting?” Let them think that. If you’re reading this and you think I’m nuts or the villain in this story, then so be it. I’m African and Native American and female. People have been shitting on us or trying to, and making us the villain whenever we fight back for hundreds of years now. I personally have experienced sexual abuse, rape, assault, assault on the basis of race, and countless incidents of bullying, slurs, and assorted crap. It’s nothing new.
I have fought for every bit of confidence that I have. I managed with the help of Olodumare and the Orishas, and good people I am ever grateful for, to have a sexuality against the odds. I am not perfect, but I am pretty fucking amazing, and I do not deserve this shit from this piece of shit. I survived this heartbreak already, and took responsibility for my end. I shouldn’t have had my ass out there on Tinder to begin with. I am demisexual and shouldn’t have been trying to date like a normie to begin with. I am a brown woman and should have been a lot more careful to vet who I spend my time with. I get the mistakes I made, but none of them negate his being a filthy lying bastard. None of what I did makes it okay for him to be out there creeping on yet another woman so she will open her heart for him to take a dump in and exploit.
So I have to do what I need to for my mental health. If someone messes with me and I have any power to get justice, how ever small it might seem, I have to use it because I’ve learned that if we don’t then not only do we fester and become bitter, but the psycho goes and finds another victim to start all over again. She should at least get some warning. If she chooses to go into the mess anyway, that will be on her. My conscience is clean.
I am a happy person, and I am willing to fight for my happiness. If someone threatens that then they have a battle because I am not going to be their silent victim. I’m a survivor.
So be safe out there, folks.
Update December 30, 2019: After Diva told me about the conversation in which he suddenly changed his mind about wanting me back, I sent him a message on Facebook to ask him what the fuck was wrong with him. He replied the next day that he’s lovesick. I told him that if he’s not in love with me to just leave me alone. He hasn’t read the message. So I sent a music video of a Russian song, Life Is Digital, Ella Fitzgerald’s I Can’t Give You Anything But Love, and a link to an article about what happens when highly sensitive people are emotionally neglected.
I understand that the usual “healthy” response when things have gone this far is “no contact”, but this isn’t my first rodeo. If he’s just having an extended moment of stupid, the perspective will do him some good, and hopefully cure his stupidity. If he’s a narcissistic psychopath, he will take my concern as an insult, and problem solved. He won’t want to communicate anymore because he’ll view me as someone who looks upon him with pity even though this is so very not about looking down on anyone.
I take some responsibility for this situation because, as I’ve said, I wasn’t entirely my authentic self through that whole relationship either. I liked him, or at least the parts of him I knew of. I love him, though that is completely irrational. I don’t trust him though. When I was with him, I hoped that I would be able to trust him. I poured my sexuality through a wild twisted waterslide of possibility and hope. The first time he dumped me though, that was almost. It became much more difficult to keep that hope. After the second time, it was totally gone. It would take some undeniable commitment just to get a sliver of that hope back.
In the learning phase of the healing, I understood I owned at least half of this craptastic situation. Whether stupid or evil, he must have been extremely frustrated with me because I wasn’t really having sex with him while I was having sex with him. I was having sex with hope. I gave him nothing to indicate that I trusted or depended on him in any way otherwise. To be fair, I did give him opportunities to show willingness to be trusted and depended on as a man, but since he was emotionally neglected, he missed the cues. Nobody taught him how to build trust with a woman.
Like most Israeli guys, his default image of how a relationship should progress may have been with the understanding that there will be a future. Problem is he didn’t know how to behave like someone who was future material.
This beef is not about the breakup. It is about him trying to fuck with my head through Diva. That’s it. If he doesn’t want any, he should just leave me alone, and not be telling my friends he wants me back, and then turning around and saying he doesn’t, just to mess with me through them. I did nothing to him to deserve that.
Update January 13, 2020: I’ve been a bit busy with my mind on other things, so I’m a bit late with this update. A day or two after the last one, he asked me what he’s supposed to do when I’m playing on his heart strings. I answered that I can’t play since according to what he told Diva, he doesn’t love me. Since he insists on talking to me though, all I have for him is the blunt truth. He hasn’t said anything since, thank goodness. Navigating through his crazy is easy since he’s got nothing I haven’t seen before, but it is tedious.
I have better things to do. I’ve done my bit and expressed my rage and provided a deterrent so that at least anyone in my circle will be safe. The rest of the world is the rest of the world. I have to focus on my physical healing. The emotional bit was fixed when he pulled that bait and switch on Diva. Safe distance.