I tend to take a guy at his word about his own feelings. I don’t have to agree with them, but I accept that what they say they feel is what they feel. They have no reason to lie to me.

That was why I went there in the first place; to find out what could possibly be motivating someone who thinks they are a “nice guy” to mistreat someone who had done nothing wrong to them.

I understand now that I can do nothing right for the majority of westernized men. I didn’t win the genetic lottery of being “hot”, and now I’m even older, so they can’t possibly appreciate me or anything about me. If I pulled them out of a burning building, they would resent me for it.

So if I shag them, even if I’m the best they can do, they feel like they’re slumming…unless they are a very rare guy. Too bad we’re now down one such rare guy.

I talked to Grievous earlier this evening. It appears that Shanti’s decision had nothing to do with me directly. He seems to have just opted out either from fatigue or his condition deteriorating.

Grievous was just covering the bases, and I can understand why he would be suspicious. If that conversation was something that was on Shanti’s mind, he would have said something to Grievous about it. He couldn’t hold that in because he had very little ability to inhibit almost any thought that crossed his mind. So I’m in the clear.

Shanti did tell him though, that he was happy my life was more settled, and that I’d found peace with who I am. So he was a friend to the end, and took what I said as what I meant, and didn’t take the “rejection” personally.