Oh Crap

I just remembered that in our conversation about why I wasn’t going to do it again, I told him about Roissy telling me that I should shoot myself.

I told him that I couldn’t go there anymore because I realized that the vast majority of guys in the west, view women like me as worthless, and that though it is their right to think so, I’m not obligated to spread my legs so they can use me.

As an example, I cited Roissy’s outbursts towards me, and some of the things other guys said to and about me in the comments.  I said that in the face of all that, knowing that I’d be resented for being a loving person who is physically imperfect, the best thing for me to do is keep my legs closed until I encounter the rare guy who can appreciate me.



My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. You really shouldn’t take them seriously. They’re mostly a bit socially inept, jockeying their keyboards for manhood points through what they consider “asshole alpha” behavior, as they can’t be “alpha” through normal means.

  2. I tend to take a guy at his word about his own feelings. I don’t have to agree with them, but I accept that what they say they feel is what they feel. They have no reason to lie to me.

    That was why I went there in the first place; to find out what could possibly be motivating someone who thinks they are a “nice guy” to mistreat someone who had done nothing wrong to them.

    I understand now that I can do nothing right for the majority of westernized men. I didn’t win the genetic lottery of being “hot”, and now I’m even older, so they can’t possibly appreciate me or anything about me. If I pulled them out of a burning building, they would resent me for it.

    So if I shag them, even if I’m the best they can do, they feel like they’re slumming…unless they are a very rare guy. Too bad we’re now down one such rare guy.

    I talked to Grievous earlier this evening. It appears that Shanti’s decision had nothing to do with me directly. He seems to have just opted out either from fatigue or his condition deteriorating.

    Grievous was just covering the bases, and I can understand why he would be suspicious. If that conversation was something that was on Shanti’s mind, he would have said something to Grievous about it. He couldn’t hold that in because he had very little ability to inhibit almost any thought that crossed his mind. So I’m in the clear.

    Shanti did tell him though, that he was happy my life was more settled, and that I’d found peace with who I am. So he was a friend to the end, and took what I said as what I meant, and didn’t take the “rejection” personally.

  3. It makes me sad to hear you say “the vast majority of guys in the west, view women like me as worthless.”

    I’m a 40-something doctor in California. I think you’re terrific. In your photos, you are very attractive. The way you express yourself on this blog is smart, honest, and inspiring.

    Please don’t let those people bring you down.

  4. Thank you for the compliments, James. 🙂

    I don’t let them bring me down, mostly because I accept that this is their opinion, and they’re welcome to it. Fortunately, their opinion and the majority’s opinion about my looks and resultant social value to them, does not disable me from making a living or finding love among the rare people who don’t share their opinion.

    For this, I do feel very grateful as there have been times in the history of western civilization wherein certain aspects of one’s appearance meant that they would be deprived of, or prioritized lower in the distribution of survival resources. This whole current looks thing is the mindless parasitic twin of pre DNA aware racism.

    I understand that they are simple minded people who talk a lot about HBD (human biological determinism) but don’t really get it. They want to be able to pick and choose traits that are socially convenient for them, and lord them over others, as if nature gives a care what makes them feel more secure in their perceived superioritaah.

    As an independent thinker, I even have to concede to the fact that, like Obsidian often tries to illustrate, there’s a trade-off. To be a thinker, especially a very complex one, is to be a bit less of a free feeler. Both thought and the types of thoughts called emotions, come from the same organ: the brain.

    So at some point in my life, I had to accept and learn to see the beauty in the herd.

    I can’t expect however, a herd that has been programmed against it, to see the beauty in me. I am too far the template of ideal female beauty for western cultures. I am also however, too far from the template of ideal female mentality for the vast majority of non western cultures.

    So in the end, I still play for my home team. At this point in history, I am very unlikely to be killed for my looks, but were I born in say, the Sudan with the same brain and similar personality, I would likely be killed for my ideas.

    I don’t need most western men to value me enough to want a romantic relationship with me. Not killing me is enough. So long as they’re letting me live, then it means that they value my life at least enough not to actively hunt me down or something.

  5. Hey, I’ve seen you around Roissy’s blog. Don’t worry about him, honestly. Just hold your own; the spreading of your legs would be something absurd, just to get guys (especially on the first date, bleck). You seem more like a woman who would be perhaps maybe not the prettiest, but definitely high quality in your attitude. Males probably fear you more than anything, and I say that with the utmost respect.

    As for the rare guy, I have two words, “hopeless romantic”. You seem to be one, and so would the other guy have to be. Do note I’ve only really been lurking up to this point, so I don’t know you. I’ve met a few male hopeless romantics in the small years that I’ve lived. Sure, they may not be the most attractive, but they’re sweet. I hate to say it, but most men with the very good looks do think like Roissy.

    You can’t have everything, but know that you can at least have who you are =3

  6. Hi, Solli, and thank you 🙂

    I’m already covered, but if I weren’t, I’d definitely be looking for a romantic. Courage is a must in a partner…an absolute must.

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  • You’ve read the article, now get the t-shirt! :-D