It is to laugh…

Since Roissy told me to shoot myself, I’ve been reading the site occasionally, but not commenting.  I like some of the guys who comment there, who often have constructive things to say.  Some don’t often have much constructive to say, but it’s instructive on the minds of men.  Since nobody knows men like men, it’s good to have sites like Relationships @Blog-city and Roissy in DC (comments are more interesting than the main posts) to keep us girls with religious dads aware.  Some things our fathers can’t really talk about, and/or don’t have much experience dealing with.

One thing my dad did try to teach me, that I of course had to learn the hard way, is about not throwing one’s pearls to the swine.  Silly me, I was on a mission to try to save westerners from psychosexual annihilation.  I kind of still am, but only those who are looking for it.  I don’t go reaching out anymore.  I’m Google beloved enough that if someone is looking for me, they’ll find me…and nature comfortable enough to accept that there will be very few who look.

So today, rather than breaking my dead-to-roissy status, I’ll observe and comment from afar, on an easily browsable example of why it’s not a good idea to take advice on love or even pickup artistry from wannabes.  I know some of you out there think I’m going to get on his case specifically for talking trash about his target du jour, Lady Rain, but that’s not what’s going to happen.  He’s allowed whatever opinion he likes on whoever.  He doesn’t like her, and he doesn’t have to.  I’d be the last person to argue that someone should like someone they don’t, or that they should pull punches when they are offended.

Thing is though, one’s method and delivery indicates more about one’s own personality than that of the person they’re “attacking”.  The idea, when handing out any kind of verbal or textual smackdown for which the prize is greater influence, is to make yourself look more credible, and the opponent, less so.

In this case, Roissy utterly and miserably failed.  I am sure however, that he would argue otherwise.

A bit of backstory, like most women, she doesn’t seem to understand the nature of game.  Women’s sexual attractive power is mostly based on looks (whatever’s attractive/popular in a particular culture), and their relationship attractive power on social convenience.  So basically all a woman has to be to get laid is available, laid well is popular looks, and married socially convenient apparently regardless of looks.  In the west, since the whore/wife requirements are overly overlapped, character means very little until something goes wrong.  Since most people are not very independent thinkers, it means little even then.  Men and some Lesbians will make the same mistakes repeatedly, and not understand why they are suffering for their stupidity.

Women don’t seem to get this.  Beauty is their most important asset in securing a mate, with scarcity running a close second.  Since women’s perceptions are less easily manipulated by society, their preferences are still for men who display classically masculine traits.  In order for a heterosexual woman to break away from that aspect of her nature, she would have to fully distance sex from reproduction.  Men, especially weak ones, are more easily able to do this, so their perceptions of beauty are more malleable.

Women don’t generally understand game because both the mechanics and the stakes are different.  It’s not usually a problem unless a woman is overly vocal about her opinions on a side of the gender spectrum she doesn’t live in.  It also doesn’t help when the “men” she’s talking to are almost as far from manhood as she is.

Unlike myself, Lady Rain has no sympathy for the weak.  In a way, that’s unfortunate but admirable at the same time.  I sometimes envy certain women their naivete, and wish I could have afforded some of that.  However, I’ve never been socially a “hottie”, so those types of experiences would not have suited me as a well aging plain Jane wolf.  Graciousness, for me, is a matter of survival, whether I’m politely fending off drunk cubs, or pummelling the face of someone who stepped out of line.  Nobody gives a crap about my feelings aside of anger unless they’re my equals or above.

So Roissy’s reaction to me was that I should die.  I don’t deserve to live because I am not useful to him sexually, and I don’t pity myself for not being so.  I rather pity him because he is not sexually useful to me, but insists that he (along with his fellow mediocre masses he likes to call “the overwhelming majority” :: p.i.m.m. ::) should be so, regardless of his relative unfitness.

His reaction to Lady Rain is to accuse her of being a porn actress (implying  that she is a slut) and insult her son because he feels disrespected by her disagreement with him.  I don’t know her well enough to say, but from my observations it seems that just as I am intellectually and WTP out of his league, she is all that and slim.  Thus, having a key trait that is within the “overwhelming majority’s” preferences, her disagreement with him has more sting, even though her comments were perhaps less knowledgeable on game, but no more inflammatory than others.

People react not in proportion to offenses, but in proportion to the impact of an offense.  It is pitiable, in my opinion, for a heterosexual male to feel that disagreement warrants such an extreme reaction.  Disagreeing with him apparently makes him feel less worthy to live, and makes him feel exposed as if he is having his shame paraded in front of others.  A man, regardless of orientation, should not be so carried away by his emotions.

She disagreed with him.  It’s his blog.  He can disagree with her.  He can tell her she’s ignorant of game, doesn’t know what she’s talking about, and should consider silence until she does unless she has a specific question.  He could tune her out, or do as he did to me, and put her on moderation.  (I still don’t know why he lies about that when everyone knows.)

I do hope that the next time he delivers a “smackdown”, he doesn’t use a boomerang.  I winced when I saw that post, not for her, but for him.  Poor guy.  I hope one day all the game literature actually starts to kick in, and he learns how to refrain from letting himself get goaded into a sissy fit.

The porn actress is not her, and doesn’t look anything like her.  She looks like she could be a relative from Puerto Rico or something, but that’s due to an only slight resemblance.  So aside of the sissy fit nature of the post, he has shown himself to be so easily socially manipulated as to actually fall for the oldest internet sycophant yes-call in the book: comparing one’s opponent to a porn actress with only slight resemblance.

It hearkened back to the old days on Usenet when people posted photos of many overweight Black porn actresses, saying that they were me.

Well, Lady Rain, welcome to the internet.  Get used to it.  There are alot of pathetic excuses for maleness out there posing.  When you encounter them, leave them some dignity, and leave them to their delusions before they confirm their wussy nature.

It’s what I did, but I suppose you can’t save a person from their nature.  Eventually, this was going to happen to someone.  Better you than someone who was less of a woman.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. 1279 words on someones blog post (you don’t even know).

    Get a life.

  2. Should I dredge up some Gay porn with a lanky White dude taking three Black guys in the pooper at once, and ask if it’s Roissy instead?


    He’s your idol. It’s not my fault you worship a catty boy who gets into cyber slapfights with bikini milfs.

  3. Hey I appreciate your post as I stumbled on it…the best part about the whole thing is that I didn’t even know I had been “called out” until today, lol. I actually DO care for both women and men everywhere who don’t blame all their problems on society/men/women which is why I found his blog offensive in the first place.

    What was surprising is the amount of posts under my name, edits, and fake posts that he went to the trouble to prepare for himself and his readers (and also blocking me from responding to that particular post btw). I can only imagine how much time he must have to skulk out my life and make weird random accusations and assumptions, however he validated what I thought upon arrival….

    He’s afraid of his place in society now that women don’t “need” men in the same way that they used to. Give him credit though on being self-aware enough to know that he’s not a hottie by any means and that his personality and “status” will leave him a lonely old man…he knows this and fears all women who aren’t as full of self-loathing as he is.

    If you don’t suck a man dry, you’re a feminist whore. If you DO get married, you’re a golddigging whore. Can you imagine if those were the only options?

  4. With such people, there is no point in trying to get them to understand. It would be like trying to convince a mouse that he could successfully escape an attack by dogs by rigging a simple sail that would distract them long enough to wonder if a larger animal was about to attack them. The mouse doesn’t have the skill to build a sail. It is better to encourage them to dig escape tunnels. The dogs, good diggers themselves, could upset the tunnels more easily than they could overcome their primal fears, but you’re dealing with a mouse. Hoping they’ll grow more intelligence, resourcefulness, and skill than they are capable of is a waste of time.

    …but that’s the beauty of nature. Mice have more than one baby at a time, and enough of them are good enough at avoiding danger, that mice aren’t going to become extinct anytime really soon. Your job is therefore not to rail against reality by insisting mice should build pop up sails, but to become okay with the fact that part of their role in nature is dogfood.

    An independent thinker in any species’ greatest challenge in social life is learning to accept the death, misery, and destruction of fellow members of the same species, without becoming defeatist or otherwise self destructive. We all go through various changes related to that.

    So where you and I may disagree and differ on many points, I see no need for the hostility. Roissy hasn’t yet gotten to that point, and may never. This blowing up at women who challenge his worldview specifically citing ways in which they are not average or “normal” is a long established pattern with him.

    Deviation from the norm is all good so long as people are kissing his ass, but when someone isn’t, even if they’re agreeing with him on some key points, he runs under the skirt of normalcy. If I thought he was smarter, I’d say he was tricking his readers to weed out the sheeple, and only truly respects his opponents.

    Alas, I’ve not found the website where he posts about social dynamics, and cites his blog as a false messiah experiment.

    Someday, you will no longer find his site offensive, but rather yet another screaming lamb. You can tell yourself as much as you like, “If I could just save one…” but you are not smarter than nature.

    From him and from what I gather, others, you are learning the nature of the herd…and sadly that not all herds have a true shepherd, just a somewhat more loud and divot kicking sheep.

    …about some of the other forums you’re having trouble with, also be aware that there is a huge mental/social difference between someone who is an independent thinker, and someone forced to the fringes of society for merely being considered unsuitable or unfit. The latter are still very dependent on their herd, even though it rejects and disrespects them.

    Seek companionship in packs, not herds…and when you venture into the pasture without your mask on, prepare for a stampede.

  5. I love a good analogy! Apparently so do you…I know what you mean and it’s not like I’m some feminist out to wage war on him, as I told him I stumbled upon his blog from a comedy website and thought it was a joke at first! There’s a lot of “good men” on there that are standing in front of two different roads and cannot decide which one to take. Roissy is standing in front of one of them screaming “You are being attacked! come to me my children, for I am the Lord!”

    The thing is, that Feminism for all it’s good did not “ruin society” or breed nasty women. It confused BOTH sexes. Men suddenly felt like they didn’t know where they fit in…this always caused some sort of mass hysteria with good reason. Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, humans like to know what they are SUPPOSED to do so that they can either rebel against or adhere to whatever that is. When humans no longer are sure of what that is, they don’t even know what to rebel against, so they pick a place to put the blame. For Roissy, it’s women. For some women, it’s men…etc. As much as I hate the cliche it’s truth in it’s simplest form: “I would rather be hated for what I am, than loved for what I am not.” There are a lot of ways to live, but I have a hard time understanding people who know they are living as someone else, speaking someone else’s words, smiling someone else’s smiles…it’s hard for me to grasp sometimes but you’re right in your analogy!

  6. Ah, but it is a joke. He just doesn’t get it.

    Every civilization has periodic moral panics over fears that men are becoming wusses. This is nothing new or unique to the recent brand of feminism. People are confused about gender roles when they have the luxury of idleness because idleness confuses people about many things. The more of it there is, the more confused they will be.

    Think of the times in your life you’ve been in a struggle for survival. The last thing on your mind was whether or not whatever it was you did to keep breathing was appropriate or going to have some far reaching impact on your society. You were just trying to stay alive.

    Because we live a voluntarily austere lifestyle, I’m the one who makes the bread because I’m the one with the right skills to do that. My ex can do laundry very well, but aside of that, he does the man chores…stuff that requires brute strength and complicated mechanical skills. We’re both physically and mentally capable of doing it all on our own if we have to, but who does what better is important when if things don’t get done in a timely manner, nobody gets to eat, or the place might get flooded or something.

    People don’t know what they’re supposed to do when they’re distanced from the natural everyday business of sustaining and basically justifying their continued existence. This would describe the average westener, as well as non western people whose standard of living has reached a point where they have a choice.

    As far as people living phony lives, one has to remember the nature of such beasts. If they were thrust into a situation where they didn’t have people telling them what to do, they would self destruct.

    Some recent study on the brain has pretty much proven that there is no such thing as thoughtless action or a thought that occurs outside the realm of a person’s capability for thinking it. Some spiritual people would argue for the possibility of divine inspiration, but even if it were so, the person’s ability to understand it would be limited to their ability to perceive it.

    So if God/Hera/Isis/Flying Spaghetti Monster/Bob/… told someone, “You do not kill,” as a metaphysical statement, some would interpret that as a commandment not to kill, some not to kill people, some not to kill any living thing.

    So you are correct that feminism did not ruin society. Society ruined feminism.

    …by the same, game will not ruin men, but men can definitely ruin game.

  7. By the way, a little factoid. The first post in Roissy’s blog occured shortly after a series of episodes of _How I Met Your Mother_ made it clear that the character Barney keeps a blog of his exploits and game tips.

    This is one of the things that made me think it might have been a false messiah experiment. I was so disappointed that he’s really just a hack who’s modelling his life after a television character. This is why he hates me so much. I know where he gets his material.

  8. I have to tell you how hilarious the part about him “moderating and deleting” comments (and thinking people don’t know). He actually BANNED me right when he posted the “challenge” to me (or whatever that was) and said that I had run away and not answered (all the while he banned me from even responding and then un-banned me when he realized his “hits” got higher when I was posting there). I called him out as a liar on his blog and offered evidence as to why and of course those posts got deleted and/or edited as well. I’ll tell you the truth, I had SOME measure of respect for him in the way that I figure “hey at least he OWNS being an ass-clown” but even THAT isn’t true. That was more surprising to me than anything that he likes to run his mouth and ask questions, but doesn’t want to hear an answer. He even went so far as to say that he “taught me a lesson” to make me go away and said that he had NOT banned me and that if he really did why didn’t I retaliate with a post defending myself on my own blog??? He clearly thinks he’s much more important than he is that I’d lose my mind and go off the edge defending myself to a readership that disregards whatever he says, anyway.

    I also asked him several times how he can tell men that they can be like “Mystery” by just studying game theory when he’s supposedly a Mentalist. That is a HUGE advantage not just in dating but in understanding human behavior and even being able to place “suggestion” into the minds of people he speaks to. I told him that he’s clearly lying to his readers and adding unnecessary “gender-hate” to what should be dating tips to serve his own ego (and for blog hits) and this apparently didn’t sit well with him. The shrieking schoolboy attack happened shortly after that.

    I do feel complimented however that he finds strong women so offensive, because it shows where his fears about himself REALLY lie. If he thought I had something interesting to say, I’d probably be worried. He fancies himself a notorious demi-god and even gleefully calls himself “Satan”. I pointed out to him that he’s about as deadly as a daddy long leg spider…full of venom, but too small to bite.

  9. Satan? More like daddy’s girl. I’ve seen this kind of attitude way too many times before in girls who’ve never had practical survival problems, but emotional survival problems. He’s overly coddled, but conditionally, and lives a lie because he knows no other way to live.

    It’s cropping up in males because in many ways, they’re as sheltered as girls whose parents had a little money used to be. So what you’ve got is not a sociopath or even a true narcissist, but a guy with borderline personality disorder…drama queen.

    I wouldn’t go as far as to downplay his importance. His personal power and will yes, but his importance, no. He is important in the way that he serves as a kind of online spokesmodel for men with similar problems coping with their place in the herd.

    As one poster Vulgarian succinctly put it, “Sheep get sheared.” Roissy and his sycophants (not all commenters, but the ones to whom he can do and say no wrong) want to be sheep but not get sheared.

    Game, for them, is not a way to return to a more natural male/female relationship dynamic, but rather a way to attempt to overcome nature. This is an absolutely impossible goal, and will lead one to twisted, albeit futile methods to achieve it.

    If you point out the aspects of his nature that prevent him from “rising above” his current status in the food chain, you become his enemy for two reasons:

    1. His will to power has limits. He is not interested in being great, just having certain benefits of greatness that can’t really be had without being great.

    2. You out yourself as an independent thinker (wolf) and the social thinker (sheep) have an instinctive fear and hatred of you. Expressing this hatred is the only way they have of “sticking it to the man” even though they don’t understand that this is why they are doing it. You have the awareness to be a leader/social engineer, and the best they will ever do is successfully navigate the pasture you and people like you lead them to.

    Their “shepherds” eat more sheep than “wolves” do, but the wolf is the predator they are not directly dependent on. So wolves will raise alarms, where the shepherd can herd them gently into the slaughterhouse.

    Roissy doesn’t want to know how he’s being herded, sheared, and slaughtered. He doesn’t like it when the few people who can notice, do notice that he has the eyes of a sheep…the mind of a slave, and speaks from the victim/slave mentality.

    Most people wouldn’t notice that, or would rather focus on arguing with him about silly things that don’t matter. He is a satan to people who would be vulnerable to him. Victims dick size about victimhood. This is one reason I pulled away from many groups in the past. They weren’t dealing with their issues with a master mentality, as well they shouldn’t. They can’t.

    I know it’s hard to watch people lining up to drink the poisoned koolaide. I can respect anyone who tries to intervene. However, if you’re going to do it, just be ready for someone to try to grab you and force you to drink it too…or set you up as a scapegoat while they manipulate their audience.

    He did the same thing to me, and will do the same thing to others. It sticks in his craw that there are stronger women than him, but what makes it even scarier is that there are stronger people than him in general. His little rants do nothing to change that, and nothing to raise his status.

    So let him drone on. It’s what drones do. I understand it’s annoying, but you truly do have better things to do.

    My dad took me to task about that on numerous occasions. He told me that the reason I deal with such people boils down to boredom, and that instead of wasting my time on that, I should push it to the side as a sort of a minor hobby, and put more focus on the things I’m doing that really matter in the world.

    He was saying basically that I should tend to my own herd(s). An independent thinker is rare, and even more rare is one who actually gives half a damn about humanity without the cognitive dissonance driving them insane or to suicide before the age of 16.

    Taking his advice has brought me out of a kind of “us and them” mentality that may have been justified, but not very constructive. I tend to categorize people for the sake of discussing particular issues, but I don’t see myself as apart from humanity. I’m just a particular type of human who is built for a certain function.

    Arguing with people like Roissy beyond the point that they’ve revealed their nature is a kind of a trap. It further alienates you by highlighting the ways that you are different and unwelcome. Being unwelcome is perfectly normal, and is in its way a good thing.

    I mean, when you think about it, people who think independently are often so because of an actual defect in the brain or bad socialization. Some of them do indeed become predators, or rather cannibals. The worst of these get into a position of power, and then turn to exploiting the people who put them there.

    They’re just afraid and trying to protect themselves. As disgusting as it is, you must forgive Roissy his “shrieking schoolboy” response. You are dangerous.

    He may be in an ivory tower with servants catering to his every whim, and sycophants singing his praises, but you are free.

    Never underestimate the value of freedom. The scent of fresh air is better than the sweetest perfume. Your existence challenges him. You don’t need to say anything to him for him to feel that you are assaulting him in some way. So when you do basically point and laugh at the poor dear behind the tower porthole, prepare for the knights in shining armor to defend their princess.

    So I personally prefer that if diplomacy breaks down, leave them to their internal politics.

  10. I couldn’t agree more. The thing that gets me the most is that the women he seems to have deep hatred for are the women who essentially have the female version of “natural alpha” game (but without all the bs). You would think he’d realize it takes one for the other to exist, but it seems that particular rationale doesn’t reach his tiny brain. No don’t worry I won’t dedicate any words posting random pics of him and bitching him out, it’s just silly. I find it amazing though that I have only HAD a wordpress account for 10 days and less than a week in I had generated some serious “wendy-hate”!

    The thing that is the most laughable is that he goes on and on about how I “attacked him” in the Cracked.Com Comedy Forum and that’s why he’s so pissed. Except that I didn’t even know he existed until someone posted his site as humor (mind you I was not the poster in that forum, I just commented a few times) and apparently a comedy site with mostly nerds mocking him bothers him too. I think it’s the same reason that even though a million people know about his post about me (and commented on his page) not even ONE person came to my blog and brought it up (even though I have an open comment policy). What does that tell you? That even HE doesn’t believe what he’s saying enough to come and “tear me up” somewhere that he cannot moderate himself and others because he knows he would lose on equal footing.

    My personal battle with myself is that when I see something ridiculous and unjust I feel like if I don’t say something I’m “part of the problem” ie: apathy. I just wish people looking for answers would study some Psychology and look into the behaviors in both themselves and others instead of learning “trickery” to gain the same ends. To me it is a lazy person’s way out of learning something of value and for some reason laziness really rubs me the wrong way! Especially when you’ve altered your entire life to revolve around a tv show and your genitals. If all women did that we’d all be living examples of “Sex in the City” and “Gossip Girl” mentalities. It’s like blaming video games for your kid being a criminal. Be a parent to your children, but you also have to parent yourself. We all have a choice whether to accept the role society is trying to put us into, people just have to have the presence of mind to know that if you don’t like the role laid down for you, you just don’t buy into it. Then you don’t have to live your life trying to “get around” the system.

  11. Well, to you it looks like laziness because you were blessed with a strong will. For better or worse, your worldview is through the lense of human nature’s version of a halo.

    Things that are easy for people with strong wills are difficult for people with weaker wills…much in the same way that daily life and activities are easier for people who are physically stronger and more agile.

    It’s hard to say just how much external forces or other people are to blame for the problems of people whose locus of control is almost completely external. If someone is truly unable to resist, then how much control do they truly have of their fate?

    So long as they don’t or can’t accept personal responsibility, they will be carried by the winds. If they can accept some degree of it, but still lack a strong will or independence, their choices will still be limited to what they’re able to perceive.

    If you try to show them other choices, only those who are at or above your level of independence will be able to see the reason in them. To those less willful, the other options will seem crazy…and they would be crazy for people who can’t bear the consequences that would come with those decisions.

  12. Hmmmm…I suppose I never considered it that way. I realize that sounds naive, but you don’t realize you’re “different” in some way until someone repeatedly points it out.

    I guess this is sort of like determining whether drug addicts are worthy of empathy…even though they had a CHOICE, they may not have been able to resist the vice and now they are stuck with that dependency that’s very hard to get out of.

    I think in a lot of ways the same applies to a lot of life situations. I do lack empathy for some things that I guess most people wouldn’t. (for example: although I feel like drugs/alcohol are a REAL sickness, I also feel like “why don’t they just quit?” which sounds idiotic of me, but in all honesty I’ve never had a problem quitting vices (if I genuinely wanted to, lol) so I assume all humans are built to “resist” and are just being lazy if they don’t.

    I suppose in some ways I don’t realize that some people are just not that way and I have to be bombarded with that reminder to feel empathy for people sometimes…. you’re right, though…my perceptions are not necessarily the norm, so if I base my understanding (of human nature)on that, I’ll be a very frustrated woman!

  13. Exactly. Empathy is a bit overrated because a little bit goes a long way. You don’t need to know exactly how someone is feeling in painful detail, just that at least at the moment, they are out of control. Since you don’t really know if someone is capable of gaining some control, it’s always worth it to try to help them if they want it.

    I believe that part of the reason there are people who are more on the nearly-but-not-quite misanthropic end of independence, is because if one empathizes too much, one can lose focus of the goal. If someone needs your help breaking an addiction or changing their lifestyle, the last thing they need is an echo for whatever excuses they were making for themselves before.

    So compassion goes alot farther, in my opinion, than empathy. You can forgive or accept people’s shortcomings the same way you forgive and accept your own: without tolerating them beyond a reasonable point.

    If a friend of mine is a bit too drunk, and starts acting like an ass, I can forgive him, but I’m not just going to let it escalate to the point of a needless bar fight.

    There’s a certain degree of detatchment that is necessary to be helpful rather than pushy or getting too drawn into the drama.

  14. Yes I agree. Compassion is something I typically DO have. I am also more genuinely forgiving than MOST people I have ever met. Not to be arrogant, but most often my loyalty and honesty in general is what keeps me from tipping too far into the “cut-throat world” type of thinking that would make me a cold bitch, lol.

    I have sort of always been about the tough love, because honestly it works best. You should never judge a person no matter how many bad choices they make and you should ALWAYS be there…BUT you cannot indulge those people and rescue them from themselves. You have to stand WITH them and not FOR them and honestly in my (somewhat lofty) opinion, this is one of the biggest problems in society because all the other BS stems from that.

  15. On a side note: I realize what an “idealized” view of the world my opinion was, however that is what tells me that I still have some faith in human nature…to be better than all of that. Eh maybe I’m dreaming.

  16. Well, that’s the beauty of acceptance. It’s not the same thing as complaicency. As Nietzsche would say, man is something to be surpassed. Part of the role of the independent thinker is to stretch the previous limits of human experience and capability.

    Those who care about humanity make good social engineers, coaches, counselors, and encouraging friends, so long as they stay realistic. Some people mistake realism for defeatism, but when you’ve seen that though someone can’t change their potential, they can definitely learn to live with it, you can see the talented intelligent person in the crackhead.

    The thing is that regardless of how great they can be, they aren’t and may not ever act on their potential. So tough love is indeed the best kind. Nobody but emotional vampires enjoy being pitied anyway.

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