…and yes, he knows about my affairs. It was his idea to see someone younger, but that did not work well for me. Guys under 45 are not looking for a 40 year old woman, and casual sex is something on the level of necrophilia for me. If I don’t feel something for the person, it’s not just pointless but unpleasant. If they don’t feel something for me, I can only suspend disbelief so far to convince myself that maybe they care but are broken and have intimacy issues.

So in the end, I may well just spend the rest of my life celibate. I’d rather that than allow someone dead inside to put their cold, careless hands on me ever again.