I am glad that this post helped you. It seems really crazy and emotionally violent, but here, this is just love. If you don’t bust out and yell at them occasionally, they don’t think you really love them or they think you’re like a dude. Here, the worst thing you can be is a hypocrite. Many of us from cultures wherein politeness is a big deal don’t understand that in the Israeli mind, we were brought up to be hypocrites. We sublimate our true feelings and are therefore untrustworthy or at least not dependable.

So we have to get real. It takes some getting used to, and you will screw it up at first, when you’re calibrating the level of fire. So start with something he says to condemn or degrade you. Whatever it is that you’re thinking in response, say it. There are fights that need to be had in a relationship here, and it is important for you to show that you can give worse than you take. Use your most cutting wit to do so as well. Make it sting.

The only rules are no stabbing, and save blunt instruments for if he raises his hand to you, or says something about your virtue. Also, don’t make a threat that you are not prepared to make good on. Up to those points, you can do anything relevant. Stay on topic, and resist any of his attempts to divert you…and go for the throat on that topic. Then after you’ve eviscerated him on that, handle whatever else he brought up that you care to address.

If he is really stubborn, you may have to break something or throw a roll of trash bags at him and start dumping out his drawers. Passion is the key. Express what you’re really feeling. If he’s degrading you tell him to gtfo if he doesn’t want to be there. Help him get started, and yell at him about what a loser he must be. If he isn’t rich, then wish him the best of luck with his hand and the prostitutes. Be brutal as he is +2.

In the end, he will probably not apologize. Israeli guys are not in that habit. He will however, try to calm you down. Don’t make any compromises or concessions. Refuse to calm down until he at least says he didn’t mean what he said and maybe even the glorious, “You were right…”

Mind you, this comes with a whole regime of meeting Israeli standards: the schnitzel and ptitim lunch or dinner thing, the clean home thing, and the maintaining your appearance according to Israeli social symbols thing. It won’t all fall into place overnight, but once you get it, your life will be much easier here, and your marriage either happier or you’ll replace him with someone better.