Dating Israeli Men

Over the past few months, my personal Mrs. Havisham, Diva, has been schooling me on Israeli men.  She explained NMS, and this helped me a lot.  Now, we’ve moved to practical dating advice, and I am having one of those, “Oh FUCK!” moments.

I learned today that, for Israeli standards, I am obsessive and a doormat.  Because I didn’t know how things worked here, assumed that western social contracts and etiquette applied where it doesn’t, I have been basically asking to be treated like crap.  This country is, socially, a feminist experiment gone terribly wrong, and exacerbated by ethnic conflicts that impose limitations and illusions that are unbreakable without the individuals moving to different countries.

There is a reason why Israelis who move away from here because they couldn’t live with the way things are here, don’t even want to socialize with other Israelis abroad.  At the core of this is the complete lack of anything like honor and basic courtesy.

Before anyone accuses me of antisemitism, be mindful that I am aware that the U.S. predominantly non Jewish, is where a lot of this crap originated.  It’s just that here, because it’s a small country, any upset in the balance of Nature becomes a disaster very quickly.

What I am trying to say is that Israel is not just not a western society.  It is not a civil society.  Most of the problems from the government down to the treatment of workers are because there is no such thing here as a social contract, neither explicit nor implied.  People’s word here means absolutely nothing.



Somehow, the infrastructure hasn’t collapsed yet, but I am guessing this is only because there are enough Russians and others from former Soviet countries here who do have some idea of a civil society, and why it’s not a good idea to let the water and sewage system go too far into disrepair.  Were it not for them, I am pretty sure this would be an Arab country.

I should probably have known what was wrong with this place from the fact that people think Russians and Ukrainians are crazy.  Indeed many of them cope with life here in ways that are very understandable, but sometimes very harmful or at least counterproductive.  This is a place that tries to kill the civility in them, and often succeeds.  So the strong battle the hardest against this.  Many get broken.

In this context, I would like to inform any civil women out there who are single and coming to this hell hole to turn back now unless they are willing to be callous enough to take the following advice

The way to date Israeli men is not to.

In the category of things I wish I knew 10 years ago, I have been informed that one is not actually in a relationship with an Israeli man until he has taken her to a romantic “tsimmer” and introduced you to his friends/family as his girlfriend.  A tsimmer is basically a theme inn or hotel where a couple spends a sort of romantic spa week or weekend.  There are different kinds, the sexual fantasy oriented, and the romantic.  You are not in a relationship until he has taken you to the romantic sort and made a formal announcement of your status.

By “not in a relationship”, I mean totally not in a relationship.  Whatever rotation or turnover you had when you met the guy should remain the same until he has actually taken you to the tsimmer and announced.  It does not matter what he does aside of this or what he promises to do or if he promises that he loves you.  Short of getting a tattoo or other shedding of blood to prove his affections, the tsimmer is the measure.

His saying that you are his girlfriend or asking you to be his girlfriend or even to marry you means nothing.  If you have a ring, but he hasn’t taken you to a tsimmer, five other women have probably worn that ring before you, and five more will after you.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, it is because you may have heard of the “L.A. minimum”.  This is a measure that some girls in the Los Angeles area use to gauge a man’s interest in her.  In some lower income areas, a man isn’t really serious about you until he’s spent at least $500 on you.  In some middle and upper middle class areas, this could be a new car.  In Israel, it’s something like that, but mostly around a specific event.  In Israel, if he has bought you a car and paid your tuition, but hasn’t taken you to a tsimmer and nobody in his social group knows you are officially in a relationship, he is just some dude you are shagging.

Oh, and about the shagging, if he is the only guy you are shagging, he must never know this.  If you don’t have a harem of at least two other bitches, you are a loser.  If you can’t actually bring yourself to shag other dudes, you should at least have them on standby.  Feel free to tease them mercilessly.  You can take out your frustrations about being occasionally neglected by your main guy on them, and they will just love you more for this.

I know it sounds horrible and cruel, but Israeli men don’t understand anything but horrible and cruel.  Actually it’s not horrible or cruel because these guys really do not want you to be nice to them.  They don’t want your compassion or kindness, so if you give it to them, you are imposing on them.

The nicest thing you can do for an Israeli man is to treat him like the dirt on your shoe an annoying presence in your life that you only tolerate for the sake of having something to do to break the boredom of work.  Now, before you accuse me of being bitter, remember that I am a big fan of Star Trek.  This is not cruelty.  This is Klingon.

Like Klingons, Israeli men are caught in between a somewhat advanced technological situation, and a barbaric social sphere.  They need you to treat them like you hate them so that the few seconds a month you show them any actual affection/mercy, they feel they’ve earned something important.

The more you love them, the more “cruelly” you should treat them.  If not, you are selling yourself short.  Women without options are nice to men here.  Women with options are insanely hostile and neglectful.  That’s just how it works.

“Don’t hate the player.  Hate the game.”

Update May 2022

Not much has changed except me. I’ve grown accustomed to the way things are and, being Primal, found a lot of power in it. I can basically do anything I want. I am only bound by the constraints of Nature.

Before, I was upset by the lack of social contracts, and thought this spelled doom for Israel, but now I understand the reason it has persisted is because it works. Women should not be friendly. Women should not be nice. Extend that to feminine people in general. If you are a Gay man in the “muscle pig category” and can rip a dude’s arms off from the root with your raw strength, but any part of you is femme or “bottom”, you should be a mean mf who doesn’t take any guff, and use whatever means in your domain to make sure nobody with a penis takes you for a fool or a sucker.

Be. Brutal.

Women in the U.S. do not understand how de-clawed they’ve become. Well, maybe they’re starting to understand since the supreme court leak a few days ago. This is directly caused by the fact that U.S. corporate culture has disempowered women in a way that not even religion can here.

Realistically, there were no social contracts in the States either. I was just spoiled perhaps by class and pretty privilege that I didn’t know I had. When you look at the numbers, we are dying like flies, mainly because of an illusion of freedom that does not exist in real life. We need to be vetting friends and partners more carefully and calling on our protectors to protect us. We need to stop standing in our own way and lay down the natural law: having femininity around is a privilege. If people want our nurturing and our company, they need to be willing to protect and give us a safe space to be feminine in.

I’m saying this as someone who is not the most feminine. I’m not even gender picky with myself. Just that this is a part of me that if anyone wants access to, they’d better be safe for that aspect of me to relax around. If not then rightfully they shouldn’t get anywhere near it or anything from it.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. Sounds like you were dating douch bags there, and they exist in every culture. Funny you base a whole article on your bad taste in men… Especially being a foreigner, you don’t know how to judge the men you choose, whereas the local woman, would know to avoid the men you chose. Thanks for the non helpful info.

    • Well, it is helpful for some American women who, like myself, presume that we know the world better than we actually do. Some of us needed to be told.

  2. sounds like you only dated Arsim
    look it up on wiki
    there are a lot of assholes in Israel
    but there are a lot of good men also.
    sounds like this is the type you are attracted to…

    • Thank you for this article. I am an American that has lived here on and off for the past few years. I am shocked by the number of dates I have and I cannot find once decent man. I have been on at least 40 and as soon as I think there is hope I learn quickly I have made yet another error in judgement.

      I have never encountered another culture where the women are treated so poorly. I see stunning Israeli women and they tell me the same thing, it is practically impossible to find someone here.

      I am a blonde haired curvy female that may be considered a prize by Israeli men but things fall apart quickly after the first few dates. What I don’t understand is why they think they are valuable when they are bald, broke, have no class or decent manners. There is so much misogyny here. I wanted a Jewish man and I do not feel that American Jews are religious enough but I see here these men have no morals at all. There is no respect. There is a clear middle eastern attitude towards women, I may as well be in an Arab country because here you are a second class citizen too.

      Again I am just miffed because these men are not trophies at all. It is pathetic to be in your 30’s and to let your mother be your slave cleaning up after you when you are a grown man! Obviously this is the mother’s fault too.

      And a man can be with a woman that is a 10 and yet he has a wondering eye. No one seems to be happy with what they have. I will accept this disappointment and I am done with Israelis. I spoke to a Jewish guy I know in the states and when I told him I was coming here he said to me “the men are pigs!” I see now how right he was. Well I am stuck here another month and I will just enjoy my female friends, some of who have not even been on a date in a year for the above explained reasons.

      I wish all these beautiful Israeli women were able to come to America to see that there are actually decent guys out there that want monogamy and respect you. I no longer believe this is a posssibility in this country.

      Again, thank you for confirming what I already know it a just nice to read that others have the same disappointing experiences.

      And I wish you all the luck in the world! May all your dreams come true one day.

  3. No, I’ve dated men across the board, and talked to plenty of young and old about this. Both the arsim and the Ashkenazim are suffering from the results of being raised by misandrists.

    The sanest ones I’ve met here, as a group, are Russians, but that goes bad after they’ve been assimilated.

    Mind you, I am generalizing, and I know there are exceptions, but those exceptions don’t negate the general truth.

  4. Thank you for nothing . Tell me, Mss Perfect…. When was the lest time you looked at yourself in the mirror ? I’ve been dating some israeli men , and I’ve got to say that I was treated very good. You probably like douch bags… That’s why you were treated like shit.

  5. You are absolutely 100% right
    Nothing to do with arsim or not
    It is obvious the writer doesn’t like douche bags. And she said the only way to be treated “right” is to play this really exahusting game that was describes perfectly.

  6. Come on, shut up already. You don’t need to generalise. One Israeli guy I know is so warm and caring and sweet, I wish he’d just ask me to marry him or something even though we’re just friends. It’s pretty obvious you’ve had some bad experiences with Israelis and that’s okay but generalising, no woman you’re on the wrong track. Peace xx

    • “Just friends” with an Israeli guy…complaining about generalizing…

      Your friend is Gay or you have reached such a low in being a squishy, opinionless, psychological blob that it is impossible for men who will generally shag anyone who isn’t pulsating with pussy rot, to sexualize you. If you want to get that man, you must learn to be more of a bitch…and not to people who are just trying to help you.

    • There was also one caring and sweet. And my dreams were as yours. They came true. We almost got married. Then hell started to happen. Never ending stress, ended in hospital. They twist, when they are sure by you, when they realise you’d do anything for them.

    • But she’s isn’t. My Israeli husband is beyond terrible to me and he is my HUSBAND. He ignores me and degrades me daily. I married him because I wanted a life with him. Now I just sit and cry because of him.

  7. Even when he is “good boy” there might be some real struggles. Try this. It is long, but it is showing relationship of European girl with Israeli man. Although he tried hard, his Israeli ignorance simply won.

    • This is an excellent read for any American woman or feminine person considering dating an Israeli man. I saw a lot of my former self in there. If an American woman comes here, it is extremely important to be adaptable. Though it may seem crazy at first, many things about the culture here are much more natural and pro women. Maybe it’s not in the way most westerners are used to viewing feminism, but women have a lot of power here. You just have to consider your power more important than peace or convenience.

      Men are not used to having much power in their relationships and home life. They have the power, to some degree, to accept or to decline a relationship, but the fact of being in a small country, especially one in which women rightfully withhold sex until their terms of safety, security, and stability are met, means that options are limited. A guy can’t just go out and replace you. If he screws up his chance at love, that will likely be it for decades. The time between finding one woman who actually wants to have sex with him and another will be filled mostly with masturbation, the occasional prostitute, and the rare and elusive “nympho” who is too crazy to have anything more with, or a kind older woman uses them once or twice a year for medicinal purposes.

      Things being as they are, women are much more aware of their limited options than men, so once they secure a mate, there begins a sort of battle for dominance that the woman will ultimately win, even if she is only of moderate intelligence and strength. Pretty much, all you have to do is decide what kind of household you will have, and make him provide it…from guiding his education and training to where he will put his socks when he takes them off. With all the stress of being an Israeli man in the various cultural flavors we have here, they welcome the firm hand and knowing what is expected of them. The less confusion the better.

      A woman being nice in ways that give him too much power at home confuses them. You become their mother who they take for granted rather than their wife who helps them improve their lot in life, boosts their status, and kickstarts another successful generation…and for some of them their mother is not that nice.

      When in doubt, think of it in Star Trek terms. This is not Vulcan or Earth as you thought it was. It’s more like Klingon. When it doubt, think what would a Klingon woman do. Do that. Don’t take any crap. If he is being stupid, tell him he is being stupid. Say no in a normal tone once and only once. If you have to say no a second time, raise your voice. If you have to say it a third time, some item near you should break.

      This is Israeli women. You run your home like a tight Klingon ship. Otherwise, they think you are incompetent and therefore untrustworthy and weak willed and therefore of lesser quality.

      It may sound hard, but the blogger’s ex boyfriend probably felt that he was settling and that she was desperate. She took treatment from him that no one else would. He found her slave-like and therefore unworthy. An Israeli woman does what she likes, does her hair and nails as she likes, and takes or doesn’t take pictures as she likes, and if he doesn’t like it he can fuck off…and she will tell him that to his face.

      If you are going to survive here with your sanity intact, you have to be a little crazy…but in truth, this is not crazy. This is woman. We are supposed to be emotional and fierce in keeping our homes clean and organized, and our men free of whimsy and stupidity. If a man can’t handle it, then he needs to go home to his mommy.

      • You’re so right please never stop blogging about this Israeli men bullshit seeing as how they are EVERYWHERE now. I love my husband and I’m learning how to make changes but this blog helped me so much. Thank you.

        • I am glad that this post helped you. It seems really crazy and emotionally violent, but here, this is just love. If you don’t bust out and yell at them occasionally, they don’t think you really love them or they think you’re like a dude. Here, the worst thing you can be is a hypocrite. Many of us from cultures wherein politeness is a big deal don’t understand that in the Israeli mind, we were brought up to be hypocrites. We sublimate our true feelings and are therefore untrustworthy or at least not dependable.

          So we have to get real. It takes some getting used to, and you will screw it up at first, when you’re calibrating the level of fire. So start with something he says to condemn or degrade you. Whatever it is that you’re thinking in response, say it. There are fights that need to be had in a relationship here, and it is important for you to show that you can give worse than you take. Use your most cutting wit to do so as well. Make it sting.

          The only rules are no stabbing, and save blunt instruments for if he raises his hand to you, or says something about your virtue. Also, don’t make a threat that you are not prepared to make good on. Up to those points, you can do anything relevant. Stay on topic, and resist any of his attempts to divert you…and go for the throat on that topic. Then after you’ve eviscerated him on that, handle whatever else he brought up that you care to address.

          If he is really stubborn, you may have to break something or throw a roll of trash bags at him and start dumping out his drawers. Passion is the key. Express what you’re really feeling. If he’s degrading you tell him to gtfo if he doesn’t want to be there. Help him get started, and yell at him about what a loser he must be. If he isn’t rich, then wish him the best of luck with his hand and the prostitutes. Be brutal as he is +2.

          In the end, he will probably not apologize. Israeli guys are not in that habit. He will however, try to calm you down. Don’t make any compromises or concessions. Refuse to calm down until he at least says he didn’t mean what he said and maybe even the glorious, “You were right…”

          Mind you, this comes with a whole regime of meeting Israeli standards: the schnitzel and ptitim lunch or dinner thing, the clean home thing, and the maintaining your appearance according to Israeli social symbols thing. It won’t all fall into place overnight, but once you get it, your life will be much easier here, and your marriage either happier or you’ll replace him with someone better.

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