I guess because so many people use the internet as an opportunity to safely lie about themselves, it’s rare to encounter a person who takes the opportunity to be safely honest about themselves.  So when I tell people that I have a small, but dedicated group of male friends, they read that as “beta orbiters” or imaginary friends or something.

The most difficult of these friends for most to understand is Shai, my last husband.  People don’t seem to understand why two people would want to continue to live together after the sex stopped many years ago.  It’s because even though the sex stopped, the love didn’t.  It’s like our romance was this beautiful, golden egg that we both treasured, but it was very fragile because well, life is what it is and stuff happens.  So one day, the egg shattered, and I was quite nearly suicidally depressed about that.

Inside the broken shell though, was a diamond far more valuable than the egg ever was, and that is our friendship.  It is what our relationship was at the beginning, and will be in the end.  So I lost a husband, but gained a brother who is closer to me than the ones my parents gave me.  Some people aren’t going to understand that.  Oh well.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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  • You’ve read the article, now get the t-shirt! :-D