Yesterday I got the call for my surgery date in February. Last time was a lot of fear mixed with a bit of excitement. This time there’s a lot of excitement mixed with a tiny bit of fear. In the wide realm of possibilities, something could go wrong, but the chances are relatively low.
I am looking forward to being balanced. I noticed that many things are better since the right knee was replaced, but it’s difficult to do what the leg wants to do because it’s dragging the other. Stairs are still a bit of a problem. I still have to take them one at a time, but I’m leading with the right leg up and down.
Xi Gong is definitely helping. Now I’m working on the regular Ba Duan Jin instead of the simplified one. After the left knee operation, I’m going back to the simplified for awhile, but getting back to the regular as soon as I can. In addition I’ve started stretching again bit by bit. The doctor tells me I shouldn’t kneel, so I try to bend my knees that far anyway just without weight on them for now.
I’m just really excited to move forward. Approching 50, though most people in my family are fairly long lived, I understand that this is the second half. Either I’m going to start gradually declining in some ways in about 20 years, or something between now and then is going to take me more quickly. I don’t intend to live past my usefulness, so if I notice my mind is going, I’m checking out quietly. If it’s just my body then I’m happy to experiment as long as it doesn’t cause what I feel is an undue burden to my family.
Meanwhile I’m cool with any enhancements. I’m not going to wait past the doctor’s recommendation like I did with the knees. If anything starts to degrade to the point of real pain again, give me metal. I am really enjoying being able to stand on one leg again without feeling like crying.
I hope that in the near future, there will be implants available to control diabetes. The only issue I’d have with smart implants is that the information should be contained and signaled within the body. It shouldn’t transmit or be able to be transmitted to any external device. When the thing itself has something to say, it should “speak” to a nerve or to something that plays in the ear or in front of the eye. If something can be hacked or exploited, it eventually will be. For awhile, we may need to take what we can get, but I hope that privacy and vulnerability will be taken into account.
The photo on this post is a bowl of one of my favorite breakfasts in winter, grits, eggs, with little bits of fried fatback. Some may be surprised by this, but it is possible to get pork here. It’s fairly reasonably priced most of the time, but every once in awhile, some religious fanatics try to have it banned. Then the price goes up for awhile until the people fight back. It’s a struggle as old as the state. The same kind of battles happen over buses running during Shabbat and holidays. Anyway, I posted the photo because cooking will be a lot easier since it will be less horribly hot in February. Also, this meal doesn’t require a lot of standing.
Here, the grits are usually made of coarse wheat semolina called “solet”. It’s hard to find hominy grits. One can make due with masa de harina, but it is a bit too fine, and one has to go to a specialty store to find it. It’s also twice as expensive. So I just get the solet or make a Romanian porridge from cornmeal called “mamaliga”. Every once in awhile, I make ugali from millet, but I need to be craving it. Solet is just the fastest.
I hope you all have a good 2020. Remember to focus on those who love you. This should help you lean positive, but if you’ve got some crap to deal with, feel whatever you feel so you can deal with it and cope honestly. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If someone loves you, they want to be helpful and useful for you. 2019 was a slightly crazy year for me emotionally, and I’m sure I wouldn’t have gotten through it without my full tacklebox of coping strategies. Aside of my own, I got help from some steady but some surprising sources.
I tend to be a bit harsh and though I don’t mistreat anyone who didn’t harm or try to harm me, once they cross a line I’m done with them. I view their attempts to make peace as trying to mess with my head, and often it is. They’re returning to old sources of whatever it was they were trying to exploit me to get, and I’ll have none of it. Sometimes though, people just had a moment or two of stupid, or they grow from living with their mistakes.
Things may not be the same as they were, but I can forgive. Thing is, they have to be willing to do what it takes to regain my trust. Some don’t think my trust is worth anything, and that’s alright. It is nice to know though, that some do value it. I hope that I live up to the trust that others put in me.
Blessings and Ase
