Along the lines of personal responsibility, I have to take some for why the thing managed to go as far as it did in the first place.
On the first (which was the last) time we were about to do the thing was when he said that crap about heartbreak being something people should get used to. At that moment, I actually stopped. I was immediately turned off, and actually raised my voice to inform him that heartbreak from getting repeatedly pumped and dumped wasn’t normal for women who weren’t whores or prisoners/slaves forced into that. It’s something that nobody should get used to any more than they should get used to being mistreated some other way. I told him that if this was his way of telling me that I should be prepared for him to break my heart, this is an eject button situation.
He assured me that wasn’t the case, and like an idiot, I believed him. I shouldn’t have. Those words don’t come out of a man truly interested in a relationship’s mouth. If a guy has any clue of what it is to be loved by a woman, or the power he has over her, he doesn’t start preparing her for the end unless he’s planning it already.
So I did actually learn something from this, and it is, once again, to trust my initial instincts. When he said that, I should have gathered my things, told him it was nice to meet him, and gone to Diva’s room. That should have been that.
But shoulda, coulda, woulda. I made the mistake, and the price was three months of gut wringing, walking on eggshells, pregnancy scare, and ultimately being made to feel very stupid. I’ll take it as tuition, and move on.
