Kiss The Sky

Sky, the extreme construction worker, is attempting a comeback.  He says the reason he was out of touch for almost 3 weeks is because his truck caught fire, and his cell phone was in it.  I suppose I could get Shai to call the fire station in Tel Aviv to find out if this is true, but that might be too stalkerish.

I could take his word for it, but true or not, he does have a live in baby mama who he says he’s told about me, but she doesn’t believe him.  She believes that she is so hot that she can keep a guy faithful with no sex, and the last person on Earth she could be replaced with is a fat, Black woman.  It’s just impossible.

Thing is, though she’s wrong sexually, she is correct socially.  Whether or not he’s conscious of it, he stays with the crazy, deluded dummy because she matches him.  He’s a hot guy, and she’s a hot girl, and they’re Jewish, and made two Jewish babies together.  I’m just the outsider who, no matter how sweet I am, is second best.

I’m pretty sure that if I was skinny, pale, and blonde too, I might be a challenge, but I’m not, so I’m not.  Oh well.

He says it doesn’t matter, but then he didn’t have a way in place for me to know if something happened to him.  So I figured after 3 weeks of silence, it wasn’t meant to happen, so I moved on.

Once I’ve moved on, I have real trouble backtracking.  I understand now that this is one of those things that isn’t going to change about me.  It could be related to my attachment disorder (though I’m not entirely convinced that it’s a disorder so much as a difference).  I have a kind of internal clock for romantic possibilities.  If a guy leaves me hanging, I understand that this is someone who takes me for granted romantically.  He’s treating me like a guy friend he can call once a week and do the emotional equivalent of having a beer.

Since I’ve been aware and keeping my inner bitch on a tight leash, I find being treated like a guy friend incredibly annoying.  If someone is interested in me as a woman, they shouldn’t relate to me like a man.

Since Sky is one of the overlap guys who got attracted to me when I was sick, that’s yet another reason to leave any romantic considerations with him in the past.  Well me isn’t apathetic enough to be okay with dating a guy who disappears with no explanation.  If he doesn’t feel I deserve to know at least when he’s going to be gone and approximately how long, even if he doesn’t say where to, then I don’t feel he is a good match for me.  He’s better suited to someone who doesn’t give a crap about him.

Speaking of which, Warren called.  He says he felt the need to explain himself, so I let him do that.  Goes to show that psychological betatude is usually incurable.  This student of Mystery flaked on me because he’s in love with a crazy.  The girl’s got OCD’s, is on multiple psychiatric drugs that aren’t doing her any good, and is like many of her type, a pathological liar.

I’m trying to be helpful during the conversation, but thinking to myself, “This is why I’m losing weight.  I’m tired of attracting guys who need to have a mentally sick woman.”

Even though not all fat women, especially those of us in transition or who have legit medical reasons, are sick in the head, it’s a well accepted stereotype.  Due to the hype, people look at us and believe that we’re fat because we have an eating disorder and/or low self confidence.

This in love with his crackpot ex girlfriend thing does not make me feel very flattered about being his temporary distraction.  Exactly the reason he flaked out is because I didn’t behave like a sick enough woman to withold basic standard affection.  I tell Longstroke and Kahuna that I miss them if I haven’t seen them in a few days.  Goodness!

Okay, to be honest, I don’t know if his problem is leftover one-itis from his pre Mystery days, or if he is a habitual bottom feeder.  Time will tell.

Either way, I’m still not initiating jack.  I don’t know for certain whether or not it’s a total wash, but this thing is looking worse already.  I got sidelined due to a raving nutbar.  Not looking good at all.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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