The Promise

Looks like I’ll be keeping that little promise I made to myself not to have sex again until I’m done losing weight.  My boyfriend or whatever has better things to do than call or write to me when he says he will, and I know what that means.  Eventually I’m going to get a message or call that his ex wife came back, or he met a nice young Ukrainian girl.  I’ll wish them all the best.

For the meantime though, being technically taken will come in handy when fending off bottom feeders trying to convince me that my being big and/or older than them is not a problem or if they’re really desperate, a good thing.  Shai tells me that I should be patient because everything except the flakiness says that he’s serious.

The problem is that for me, a man’s word has to mean something, or I don’t see him as a man.  A guy should own up to whatever he is or whatever he wants, and not say one thing and do another, or half-ass it.  When we met, I didn’t have any expectations.  I still don’t.  He acted like he wanted this to go somewhere, so since I liked him, I was happy with that.

I hope that this is because he got a sudden assignment in the south pole or something, but I doubt it.  I’m just going to go on with my life and when the inevitable comes, I am not going to make the mistake I did the last time and indulge any conversation about it.  After wishing them well, I’ll just hang up or log off.

I’m too fat and too old and too Black to expect most men to give a crap.  It’s a rare guy who can value a woman like me, and if I’m ever going to find one who’s not broken or too young, I don’t have a second to waste on the phony sentimental sorries of the mundane.

This is why I advise guys not to date or shag women they think are ugly.  It’s just a matter of time before you can’t help but do something to make it clear that you think she’s not worth what used to be considered basic human respect.  If you have even a little sheep in you, it will be impossible for you to resist the temptation to hurt her.  You’ll have to.  It’s in your DNA.

If you can’t see to treating someone well just because they’re flawed in a socially inconvenient way, but you don’t think you can do better than women you think are less than worthy, then it’s better you stick with porn and prostitutes.  From the other side, it’s better a guy just walk away than to make me think he cares only to fail me.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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