When I say I’m in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. I love being your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. I love being your answer. I love being the object of your sacrifice. I love being your pain.
When a narcissist says, “I love you,” what they really mean is, “I find you useful at the moment,” or, “You give me the energy I crave.” They don’t really view your wellbeing as important as their convenience or desire for whatever it is they want at the moment.
I believe that many women get caught up in this sort of relationship for years as opposed to weeks or months, because of the Hollywood “swept off your feet” ideals being promoted as what love should be like. Add that to the cultural narcissism of nobody taking responsibility for anything, and you have women actually seeking to disappear in someone.
Men get caught up because of their instinctive desire to be self sacrificing protectors (when they are not broken). Because many today have been programmed to accept a whole lot of lack of responsibility, courtesy, and morality in women, they could mistake a female narcissist for a somewhat more emotionally volatile than average woman, as opposed to the monstrosity that she is.
There is no way to avoid being deceived if someone is good at it, but like I always say, evil is not creative. It only has one end, and that is destruction. So as soon as the person you’re with starts degrading you, trying to isolate you, killing your dreams, etc. you have to get away. Everybody has their moments, but if the person does these things repeatedly, there is a problem there.
It sounds like an old cliche, but it is really true that you have to be happy and whole yourself first. If you are not, then your love for the illusion the narcissist pretended to be, will keep you bound to them longer than you should be. Your desire to placate and please them may lead you to give them more trust than they deserve, which is none.
Being a whole, happy person may not assure that you find a true romantic love, but it will certainly protect you from being eaten up by a monster. Never be desperate enough for love to take someone’s shit.