I am writing this post so that I no longer need to converse with exes accumulated before I realized that my health depended on not giving a shit about people who don’t give a shit about me.
You only get one chance to hurt me by leaving. Once you have played that card once, I am no longer shocked or really that hurt by anything you say or do. Even if I talk to you again because I still have some lingering attachment to you, I no longer trust you to stay, so your leaving will not make me sad. I’ll just be angry with myself that I allowed you to waste more of my time or attention.
…but I can forgive myself for being a little stupid when it comes to love. I will not forgive you for being a psycho who returns to my life just to try to hurt me again.
Before you think of contacting me again, ask yourself these questions.
What do you want from me?
What makes you feel entitled to get it?
Do you not understand that your leaving me, and probably some things you said when you discarded me, hurt me?
Do you understand that you hurt me?
What do you expect from me, since you hurt me?
Are you in love with me?
Okay, the answer is obviously no, so why not just keep walking away?
There are millions of other women for you to choose from. Many of them are prettier than me, younger than me, and will do sexual things with you that I won’t. You don’t love me, so you don’t need me…and since you don’t love me, I don’t need you either. I only need people who love me.
I’m fucked in the head a little, and tend to care too much and forever, but this is not an invitation to let you back into my life in any way. Once I understand you don’t give a shit about me, in my mind, you are like a dead person I loved while they were alive. I actually go through a kind of grief, and at the end of it, I’ve made peace with the fact that you are gone.
So rest in peace.
…and if you can’t then at least don’t haunt me.
…and if you do haunt me, it had better be because you have reincarnated into someone who loves me.
If not, then all I have for you is crowbars and chainsaws.
