The Things We Know, The Things We Hide

Vaping a Joytech Ego-CWell, the prospective Mr. Yeah turned out to be Mr. Yeah-right.  It’s not completely his fault because nobody could choose their parents or where they were born, but one thing I’ve learned here is that I don’t have to be fair.  If it already looks like a therapy case from a distance, it’s probably not going to be a partner up close.  I’m taking my own advice and avoiding damsels in distress.

This and other things got me thinking though, about my overall situation here.  The train of thought led me to a question: “If I was  dude, would I be upset if tons of women were throwing pussy at me from all directions and pretending to love me because they thought I’d be a ticket to whatever American dream they’re imagining the U.S. still is?”

If I was looking for a wife, maybe a little, but if I wasn’t, not at all.  Granted, I am a woman, so I’m wired a bit differently, but the brain being “plastic” and all, I could probably teach myself not to care so much.  I could play the game since I am definitely not looking for another husband.

The problem with this is the idea of taking advantage of other people’s vulnerabilities.  I don’t like it when someone does that to me, even though mine don’t spring from greed or a compulsion to harm or exploit people.  Would it be wrong or as wrong for me to take advantage of someone else’s arrogance, stupidity, and weakness, as it is for them to try to take advantage of my desire for harmony and happiness, and whatever character traits I’ve developed to achieve that?

Would I lose important bits of my character by becoming a sort of sexual Hannibal Lecter whose vagina eats rude people on purpose?  Then what happens if I encounter someone cool after I’ve racked up a mass grave of broken dreamers?

Cognitively impaired people sometimes express violent behaviors.  One does not punish them harshly for this.  They can’t help themselves.  I am coming to think that ethically and morally impaired people are somewhat the same.  Both have to do with parts of the brain that are defective.  Is it as wrong to exploit or be unconcerned about the wellbeing of people with damaged empathy as it is to do that to people with lower intelligence?

…but then, am I fighting against Nature by being overly altruistic towards people who don’t give a rat’s ass about me?

Perhaps this is not about what anyone deserves.  I certainly don’t passively get what I deserve, if one deserves anything based on mere sentiment and desires.  I have to make a move.  I have to fight.  I have to prove myself.

So I suppose, if they want me to treat them with the respect due humane humans, they need to prove to me that they are that.  If not, then they are, well, meat.

The limping gazelle has harmed none, but the wolves are hungry…and really, we’re not talking about limping gazelles.  These are grown ass men who, if they don’t think things through, and have their noses too high in the air to think that maybe it’s not a good idea to try to play games with a wise-woman, walk into a trap of their own making.

It’s not my problem that they thought they would get something out of it that they didn’t.  I never promised them that or led them to believe that was on the table without some catastrophic conditions.  So I should just enjoy the attention until they start pushing, and then kick them to the curb without prejudice.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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