As you can probably tell, I was feeling pretty gloomy during my last blog post. Taking some time to really get into my feelings though, I’ve realized that it’s not exactly fear that I’m feeling. It’s a healthy respect for men, manhood, and the possible damage they can do to me and that I could do to them.
I’m avoiding having sex for the same reason one should avoid being a pushover. When you sacrifice too much for people who haven’t really earned your trust, you teach them a bad lesson about yourself and about the world. There’s a point you should go to, being a civil person, on good faith, but there should be a clear limit. Sex is something that could cost a sensitive woman dearly both physically and emotionally, so a guy should have to earn a woman’s trust to get it.
A woman, by the same, should earn a man’s trust in her honor and integrity before she can hope that he’ll see her as more than a shag. It’s not just about honor though, but about naturalness. He needs to know she values her stuff and isn’t self hating and self destructive, and by extension and implication, destructive to him and any offspring or family they may have.
I’m not saying that a woman should surround herself with a wall of bullshit. Quite the contrary. She should be as free of bullshit as she is old or far from the reductivist graphical ideal. It’s just that she should be aware of natural bonding cues, and not have sex with anybody who isn’t signalling.
The higher testosterone girls who like to do it for pure fun, keep doing what you’re doing. You’re a rare treasure. The rest of us who still blush a little when we cuss and fantasize about the grocery store manager in the Rockports with the cellphone with buttons you actually have to press because he’s old fashioned like that, need to not teach guys bad lessons. What you do will affect what he expects and how he treats the next girl.
So what has happened to me at this point is that I’ve internalized the lessons. I’m no longer just trying to be a respectable yet sassy older woman because I understand this makes the most sense to me. I have become that because it is the natural way to be at this phase of my life.
At my age, and in my situation, it’s normal for a woman to be reserved. It’s actually abnormal for a woman to be cougarish. So nothing’s wrong with me in that department. It was just all kind of heavy on my mind because I had to learn in three years what most women in past generations accumulated slowly over a lifetime.