Tinder in Israel: Should Be Called Bitter

Well, just to see if it would turn out any better than other dating sites here full of guys who just want a cheerleader for masturbation, I signed on to Tinder.  My first and second Tinder dates went well, but I think that was it. The first two were the last two guys in this tiny country who were actually interested in meeting in an appropriate way. I require that the first meeting be in a cafe for reasons that civilized people do not need explained.

The third date though, the guy gave me a funny look when I ordered the second coffee. He didn’t seem very comfortable or relaxed at all, so I thought more time would fix the problem. It didn’t. When he started “threatening” that if we didn’t have sex that very night, I would never see him again, I sat back and told him that he could go then, so he flounced off like a princess.  Things just went downhill from there, from dudes matching with me just to judge me, to one playing mindgames.

Basically, Israeli guys on Tinder think you’re obligated to have sex with them without a date or any kind of vetting.  They think they’re just going to show up at your door and shag you in whatever freaky ways they saw on some internet porn. I am told that some women actually do this. I haven’t met any.  Maybe they had a chance encounter with the infamous “girl from Carmiel”.

If it doesn’t play out like their fantasy of how it should be, it doesn’t matter how many women pass them over or reject them because they’re being stupid, they insist on this stupidity.  Where other women here might just get a non response, because of American media, I get the anger and resentment.  It was pretty ugly.  One guy even called me a “stupid black bitch”.

Anyway, it was just so full of bitterness that I just shut that idea down. I wouldn’t recommend Tinder to anyone in Israel. Even if the guys don’t treat you badly, there might be some woman out there who they did.  The numbers were just too high for me to say it was just a few crazy dudes or my selection was bad.

The app itself isn’t the problem. The problem is that Israeli guys are just badly educated. I blame their moms and sisters for not teaching them how to treat women, and their dads for not explaining to them why seduction and trust are important just to get laid. They are raised with way too many hangups about sex; an extreme madonna/whore complex that makes some of the dudes I encountered in PUA sites look like kittens.  I’m sure some here have been drinking a bit of that koolaid too, as I hear the jargon every once in awhile, and I think some of the text diarrhea they were typing might have been some attempt to neg me.  As flattered as I am that at my age, someone thinks I am still hot enough to need taking down a notch, the violent implications are something that is hard to get past, especially with the high incidence of drug use and other over-the-top behavior in clubs and various scenes.

Yeah, the freaks here may be mostly posers, but that is exactly what makes them dangerous.  Because of the realities of life here, and likely epigenetic issues with the children of survivors of severe antisemitism and wars, there are many mentally ill people here. It’s quite normal for people to have something going on with them, myself included. There’s a difference though, between people who are struggling like everybody else, and legit bats in the boydem crazies with whom you would be in danger. Because of the common situation of being survivors of some sort of cultural or family trauma, most people are hard core about coping and handling their issues “al ha panim” or “on the face”, meaning head on and out in the open. No bullshit. Too many though, are looking for excuses for their weakness.

On Tinder, I encountered way too many of the latter.  I suspect that the reason they are so adamant about avoiding public meetings is because something is wrong with them that other Israelis would recognize. The bad date with the uncomfortable guy is an example. Afterwards, the waitress even commented that something looked wrong about that guy. You really want to do that cafe meeting, even with someone who seems “nice”.  Because this is a dugri (meaning blunt truthful) culture, you can feel free to ask someone if they are on the spectrum or have a social anxiety issue. This kind of information is freely shared among people right after the how-are-you. Nobody has a problem spelling out the gruesome details of their issues and treatment.

So I asked, and he told me that he didn’t have any of the issues that would lead to an actual discomfort with social situations. He was just uncomfortable because I didn’t just meet him at my home. Other signs that you should just back away and block are extremely explicit questions. Guys who need a diagram and a powerpoint presentation of what’s going to happen? Just say no. That’s a nutter. If things don’t go the way he’d like, he’s going to start “lawyering”, basically pressuring you to do things because you said it might happen if things go well. You might have to get violent to get him to leave quietly.

Anyway, if you do venture into Tinder anyway, your first few matches who aren’t afraid to message you first, are probably going to be your best. Like the sperm who swim the fastest get to the egg, those are going to be the winners. After that, you’re mostly dealing with the lazy or the lame.  It is a small country after all.

To keep the trash away in advance, take photos with your male friends and brothers. Also mention in your profile that you have brothers and friends who do not like to see you upset. This is especially important if you are a dark skinned or dark haired woman. Mizrahi, African, and other darker women who are without male protection are viewed as “strays” who are easily exploited and may keep some slights and disappointments a secret, or have nobody concerned to tell about it. It is very normal here for families to enforce honor with violence, even when people are open minded and kinky. It is demanded that men play fairly and do not take advantage, lie about their intentions, or behave otherwise shady. So don’t try to be like a democratic American in this. Make it clear that messing with you comes with consequences or else you are essentially setting a trap, perhaps a predator trap, but still a trap. Not all guys who mess up are predators.  Some are just stupid. If there’s a chance they will get their nose broken for being stupid, they should know that going in.

In my case, I make it very clear that disrespecting me will mean that I will use their sexual energy to eat their soul, with a bonus of brotherly tough love, because it’s the truth. Their personal effects might end up in a poppet that I draw from whenever I need some virile masculine energy. I also freely hand out their energy to other witches for their use.  Sometimes that might be hexing target practice. If it happens to drain them or harm then, then oh well. Most times though, if they truly have nothing I want to deal with wasting my energy on maintaining, I just feed them to Eshu. That’s basically a clean cut of ties with a vote that they actually learn whatever it is that they encountered me to learn. If it happens to be a very hard lesson, that is not my business. They shouldn’t have treated me like I was disposable, and thus made themselves disposable objects.

Some have told me that they don’t believe in Voodoo or that they are protected because they’re whatever religion. Yet somehow they all end up either blessed or broken or dead, depending on how they treated me. Could be coincidence.

Still, in other places, it is good to make yourself look soft and pleasant in your profile, but in Israel no. That will just attract a lot of garbage for you to deal with. The good guys aren’t scared even when they know the gory possibilities because they don’t have shady intentions, and behave like men. They do exist in significant numbers, but you won’t find them wasting time with the stupid. So show your teeth and claws early on. You won’t miss anyone important.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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