When to Have Sex With an Israeli Guy

couple on the beach at sunsetThe question has been posed to me anonymously, of when it is okay to have sex with an Israeli guy.

The simple answer is: never.

Well, that is not the whole answer, but that should be your outward attitude towards sex when in Israel.  Israeli women have mostly mastered the art of being beautiful but unattainable.  You may notice when you are walking around anywhere in public, they are almost scowling all the time except when addressing a child or another woman.

I used to think it was a bad thing, and it kind of is, but it’s not a bad thing about the women as individuals.  It’s because of something bad about the culture.  In other conservative places, women tend to be polite and friendly, but it’s just understood that you won’t have an easy time getting them into bed.  Here in Israel, any friendliness on a woman’s part is interpreted as an invitation to sex, the same way politeness or consideration for others is interpreted as weakness and gullibility.

So the default setting should be that not only are you non inviting, but you will punish them for moving too quickly.  In the U.S. you can make them wait until date #3, but in Israel, no matter how many dates there have been, you need to make them wait a month or longer.

You can express interest, but you have to make them wait a long, long time if you want them to respect and appreciate you.  If you do it sooner, you give up power in the relationship, even if it is relatively casual.

Especially if it is casual, or this is how it starts, it should be clear that casual = disposable.  If they aren’t offering anything solid or interesting to you; any kind of reward for your efforts, then they are a toy that you use begrudgingly to amuse yourself.

If they misbehave, then don’t even tell them why you don’t want to see them again.  Just don’t.  Don’t answer their calls or messages.

It’s a strange balance: you are supposed to behave like you hate that you need sex at all, and when you do have it with them, it is like you’re having a fit of passion that you hate having, and when it’s done, you don’t care if you see them again because you’re ashamed that you did it.

Yeah, things are topsy-turvy here.There are exceptions, but they are few and far between, and mostly over 50. Relationships in Israel are a power game, and they like it this way.  There is no fighting the culture.  If you are too easy, physically or emotionally, then you are worthless, especially if you’re foreign.  So to balance, “when in Rome…”  Treat Israeli guys a little worse than Israeli women treat them.  You can be kind to them only when they have done something astronomically altruistic for you.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. how much of what you wrote is based on your own experience or best-friends-experience and how much is based on “things you heard”?

    i mean, i’m israeli, in my late 30’s, and if that’s what mirrors my society then
    a. it explains a lot of things
    b. it is very very sad. because –
    c. there are many many men who hate playing this game, who never ask for any kind of power or advantage, who get attached quite easily. so this relationship game is the demise of my society. so –
    d. no, we don’t like it this way

    • Most of it comes from my own experience and close and some not so close friends. I tried being nice to men here and paid the price a few times. When I started being more of a bitch, I finally got treated with respect. People here just don’t respect someone who is kind to them…and that’s okay. Cultures vary. Someone who decides to visit or live here should just accept the way things are instead of some romanticized idea.

      There are lines though. One shouldn’t actually do dirt to people. One should keep their word because trust works the same. Just that here, one should understand that there is no room for good faith, and there is no point to convincing men that the reality of life and sexuality is somehow less cruel than it truly is. Especially in a small country wherein marrying someone from the same or a compatible culture is so important, your one chance might well be your one chance at love. If you screw it up, you might not get another. It could be whores or your hand or the leftover women you’re not really attracted to for the rest of your life…and if you go to another country, it’s going to be even worse for most of you because you have to compete with men who didn’t have the illusion that they were big fish in a small pond.

      As much as I may wish things were different, I had to deal with the reality. Once I did, my life became a whole lot better. So as a man, maybe you could help the situation by really watching a woman’s behavior. There are different kinds of bitchy. If she’s just making her needs clear, that’s normal…but cheating behind your back, stealing from you, and making trouble for you is something else. Some is just bluster to protect ourselves, but some women really are dirty, and you need to fight your male sort of hypergamy not to be impressed. Not every woman who says she’s a queen is a queen.

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  • You’ve read the article, now get the t-shirt! :-D