Negging and Shit Testing as Survival Strategies

Men complain about shit testing, and women complain about negging, but these things are extremely important in mate selection.  On the surface, the reason women shit test is to filter out overly compliant men and attract more masculine self assured men.  Men neg to filter out under-nurturing women, and attract compliant women who are actually interested in their pleasure and later their wellbeing.

On both sides, some over-the top MRA’s and feminists complain that these things are manipulation.  What they don’t understand, is that negging and shit testing are great ways to get rid of narcissists and other types of crazy that have to do with over entitlement.

With shit testing, if a man obeys all requests without question, and goes into placating mode whenever he is challenged, he is quietly assigned to the friend zone or post-wall chump status.  On the other hand, if requests or challenges that would require little more than normal masculine role fitting are reacted to with hysterical resistance, he goes into the oblivion of disgust.

The right way to pass a shit test is to not give in, but also not to whine or have a tantrum.  No, it isn’t fair if you think of equality as sameness, but the hard fact is that nobody wants to hear a man whine.  The more you whine, the less attracted she will be to you, and for good reasons that she might not even be aware of.

Narcissists and other over entitled men are the wrong kind of dangerous for the same reason that crazy women are.  It may be exciting in some ways, as most women enjoy some degree of drama in their lives, but the men who killed their wives and children because they were angry of course did not pass their genes.  So obviously Nature favors the guy who can stand up for himself without freaking out over small things.

With negging, a guy can make sure that the woman he’s selecting can take being told that she is not perfect and not a guy’s only option.  The female narcissist tends towards guys who are uncompromising boosters of ego and/or image, or who honestly believe that they are the best the guy can do, and not because of some uniqueness of soul, but at a sexual market level.  It can’t just be that he loves her because she is her, or that he was attracted by a specific feature or set that he adores.  It has to be that he believes she is objectively the most beautiful, the smartest, and the best at everything in every way.

So in your travels, do not be quick to discard normal selection tactics.  Most of the time, when people complain about something, it’s because it looks bad on paper.  When it’s broken down and articulated, slightly unfair challenges to potential male partners, and slightly brutal  criticism of potential female partners seems rude, but it isn’t.

It is important for a sane partner to see that you have a backbone, and important for them to show you that they have one as well.  Sane people understand that they do have something to prove to one another.  Sane people have no problem earning each other’s trust, and showing that they are able to love and be loved.

Sane women understand that they are not the only woman in the world, and want to be chosen by someone because of their soul, not their statistics.  It is more special to them that you see them as the best choice for you personally, despite the market.  They don’t need you to lie, just to be gentle and kind.

Sane men can take a challenge.  They understand that you don’t owe them anything when they’re not actually doing anything for you yet, but that this goes both ways.  So they don’t need to whine or freak out when you’re being unfair, much less when you’re setting reasonable boundaries.

Shit testing and negging are time tested tools of survival.  So just be natural and go with the flow.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.

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  • You’ve read the article, now get the t-shirt! :-D