Primal Friends
Prey is what you eat or farm to consume. Some like to play with their food, but the food understands that its primary purpose is to be food.
A mate is who you fuck and might even bond with. That relationship is based on mating, and perhaps someday when you age out of sex, leftover chemistry and the memory of and good faith gained through the years of mating.
A pet is who you pet and might fuck under certain circumstances, but doesn’t have the gravity or “rank” of a mate.
For some reason, people keep getting these confused. To add to the confusion, there is plenty of overlap, and there are many other ways Primal people relate to one another. Please do not mistake Primal for regressive in the sense of nostalgic for colonial or religiously based, anti scientific stereotypes or hierarchies. It’s just that aside of Nature, consent, legality, and ethics, we let our inner animal be reasonably free. How that comes out is going to vary from person to person, and it may fly in the face of many conventions both in and out of the LGBTQA+ community.
I and most other Primal people I’ve encountered prefer to let people define themselves as far as orientation and gender. They know who they are and what they think better than others. There are many varieties, and many kinds of relationships.
Some are even like a strange family of spiders who enjoy making babies, as many as possible, and the male enjoys his endless toil as he sacrifices his life to please the female(s) and their many children.
Some are like a cluster of serpents, with a a group of males clinging to a female or sisterhood, circling mesmerized by their scent or something.
Some are like wolverines who are both too hostile and overly independent to be around most of the time, but meet every few months to fight and shag.
Some are like brotherhoods, sisterhoods, or tribes who regardless of orientation, intimately comfort each other.
Some land in the middle of a party, shag their way through a “herd” and then go away with a few trophy panties in their pocket, and are welcomed again at the next party.
It can go many ways, not just “predator and prey”.
(Click below to continue with What is a serious relationship for Primal folk?)
Thanks for this post. I’m a kinkster and I have mixed feelings about the term “primal” and how it’s being used in the bdsm community. I have two main concerns.
1. “Primal” can be misused to justify overstepping boundaries and allows players who mess up to eschew responsibility. Plenty of subs go non-verbal in subspace, and tops can too. But the top needs to stay grounded in reality at least enough to be aware of their play partners needs. Being in primal headspace should not be used as an excuse for getting carried away and harming a sub (even if unintentional).
2. I also worry that primal play can be a tool of cultural appropriation, like that early 90s “urban savage” movement that happened among white gay men. It usurped the symbols and language of indigenous cultures to naturalize gay male sexual desire. And frankly, I see too many white primal-identified folks on Fetlife wearing feathers or bones and tribal tattoos or scarring. They seem no more enlightened or progressive than a white sorority girl dressed as Pocahontas.
But if cultural appropriation can be avoided and primal tops can remain risk-aware and attuned to their subs needs and limits, I think primal play could be very freeing.
My feelings about it are not mixed. First of all, Primals aren’t playing. I mean, there is such a thing as Primal play, but that’s like when puppies fight. Primal sex is not a “play” session. It’s real, honest to Nature making out and/or fucking.
What some BDSM’ers who aren’t Primal do with it is not our responsibility beyond doing what we can to educate people.
Primal people are very aware of the risks, the gray areas, and the fact that harm may happen if one takes things too far. We don’t generally go into it setting out to hurt someone, but we’re cool with the fact that hurt may happen in the process. The oversensitive and those who need a notarized disclaimer should not venture into our world. They should go “play” with people interested in “playing”.
As to cultural appropriation, this is a problem with “white” culture, not with Primal folk specifically.
https://cocojonesblogs.wordpress.com/writing/the-bdsm-culthow-to-be-a-predator/
There is a dangerous man in the BDSM Ccommunity guilty of serial rape and extortion being given a free pass because people are afraid of him. Our only weapon is teaching excellent communication and negotiating skills to all newbies.
So my concern to this is yes subs do go silent, they are subs they are not primal. If a mate goes to far with me i don’t use my voice not in primal space, you lash back you show with eyes… it’s a bond that true primals have an ability in that head space to communicate beyond civilized language. The thing for me is I know if the man I am with is primal before introduced in society there’s a feeling and you know. It’s dangerous to call it play… because it’s real and will become dangerous if you are not it, I don’t believe it can be taught only awakened.
My fear is when you have sadist justifying there actions in bdsm by saying they are does, or emotional sadists being “open”
oops, in my above comment I said “urban savage” but the more broadly used term I couldn’t think of is “modern primitive”.
And your comment was well said and quite correct. And not….politically correct just true.
I had no idea there was a serious predation problem in Kinkland. Silly me, we’re not all righteous bad asses, like me. Let’s take care of each other out there.
I have recently come to realise I’m primal, but I’m not typically primal. I am not a predator nor prey. I am more like the alpha female in a lion pride. Strong, in control and very, very protective of those I have taken under my wing.
I have played as a submissive and even gone non verbal, but when I am in primal head space, that doesn’t happen. I become hyper aware and want to fight and verbalise. It’s just different.
Primal is no excuse to step over other people’s boundaries and in fact, most primals don’t. From my experience, a primal isn’t interested in doing anything with a submissive because the primal wants the fight or flee and the submissive wants to submit and give it up – which is too easy for the primal. If a submissive goes non verbal other safe measures can be taken like a safe movement or sound.
Kneeledbeauty, I thought I was the only lioness ???? it’s so hard to find anything about this
I’ve always been way during sex – biting, clawing, growling, a bit of blood. I didn’t know it had a term until last night. I honestly thought I was just an oddball in the bedroom. Going along with Kneeledbeauty, I always identified with a big cat too, like a cougar or leopard. I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in this.
So glad hear of other lionesses. Ironwynch has written (in my opinion) the best description of what being primal is . i’m very happy to have found it as i was beginning to feel quite isolated in regards to my primal way of being.