The Ugly Other Woman

Googling around, as I’m prone to do, I found an interesting article: Why Do Men Cheat With Ugly Women?

It was from the pretty girlfriend/wife’s perspective.  I have some sympathy for a good woman who gets cheated on, no matter what she looks like.  I have no sympathy for gold diggers or harpies though.  Most women who are overly worried about looks fit into at least one of those categories.

It would be interesting to hear from some men on this, though most wouldn’t call the women they mess around with “ugly”.  So for the purpose of any feedback, we’ll define ugly as not conforming closely enough to the western media ideal for beauty to be viewed as having universal appeal.

Why would a guy with a hot wife or girlfriend at home, go out and shag ugly women, or have an “illicit” relationship with one?

Here’s one man’s answer to the question:


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. I have to disagree. Banging an ugly or fat girl is opportunistic. A man won’t pursue her, but he’ll bang her if he’s really horny and she’s easy. Now a girl who is merely less attractive than his girl is another matter. Also, girls tend to underestimate other girl’s looks if they don’t know them or like them. Chances are, that “ugly bitch” was in the same league as her.

  2. I don’t know, Vincent. I’ve seen some things…

    Opportunism is an excuse when it’s only about the sex (which it never really is because there’s at least some ego validation in there). In my case, they do actually pursue and game, and then keep the thing going for over a year. I’m sure if I was willing to take being treated like the “fallback 5”, those would have lasted longer.

    So I’m looking in the mirror baffled as to why these men who can obviously do “better” keep trying to get into not only my pants, but my good graces. The only reason I can think of, which is hard but necessary for me to admit, is that they really hate themselves.

    They’re chasing me because they feel lowly or ugly inside, and feel that I’m a compatible companion for the horrible monster they feel that they really are underneat the handsome, accomplished exterior.

    I don’t make them feel insecure, and I treat them like men, for better or worse. In these screwed up times, I may well be the only woman in their lives who does.

    So what’s driving them is some kind of self loathing, and this is one of the main reasons they can’t seem to see who I am. It’s all about their perception of themselves.

    In a truly western culture, whatever prejudices they may have on sight would dissipate as soon as I opened my mouth. Here, where it’s overly tribalist, it doesn’t matter what I say or do aside of becoming incredibly rich, and I’ve heard horror stories even from wealthy Black people here.

    Fender’s sister catches plenty of hell even though she is gorgeous. She’s just Black gorgeous, so guys’ wishful thinking drives them to treating her like a default whore even though she’s Jewish. She’s Libyan, so she doesn’t look Ethiopian even though she’s dark, so they see her and thing “migrant worker”.

    She ended up moving to the U.K. because that is probably her only chance to find a guy who will take her seriously.

    In western cultures though, the “ugly” are like the ethnically different here. So I think it’s just that guys have this idea in their heads of who is the underclass, and on them they dump all their nastiness and psychosexual hatred.

    They were trained to do this by a feminized culture that overrides the male selection criteria with a female pecking order. Those lower on the pecking order are not just considered less fantasy-ideal, but less valuable as human beings.

    Maleness is also under attack in western culture, so it’s natural that many men, feeling self loathing, would feel most comfortable using women they view as loathesome.

    I would really like to believe that looks don’t matter, and the dating/shagging of “ugly” women proves it, but the fact that less ideal women who don’t have an overabundance of defects are being called ugly nowadays, as opposed to plain as they were in the past, tells me that there’s some hating going on.

    These men like to roll in what they perceive as dirt. So men who cheat with ugly women are basically getting one trophy wife/girlfriend to represent their alpha cred, and another woman to exercise their dark side with.

    It’s as old as civilization. Men have been marrying in their social class and shagging below their social class for aeons. Nothing has changed except who is viewed as low caste.

  3. I did write a post about this topic and I must admit that are so many aspects to this ‘title’ and so many different variations that not all of them can/could be covered. My initial reason for “Why Do Men Cheat With Ugly Women” was to stimulate opinions while also allowing myself to vent about my own, personal. “ugly” situation.

    When men cheat, women are always taken back as to why the man ‘dates down’ or ‘cheats down’. It’s no secret that no matter how ‘attractive’ the other woman is, women are always going to consider them ugly. This is sometimes contributed to jealousy or more less a defense mechanism to save what self-esteem is left. “I can’t believe he cheated on me with that ugly floozy”.

    What women do not realize is that when a man’s weenie slaps the ‘other woman’ in the face, it seldom has anything to do with physical attributes. We’ve all seen it, the man who is in a committed relationship with the runway model but dips his donkey into the ‘homely pool’.

    There isn’t enough time in the day to explain the true reasons men ‘date down’ but the quickest way to sum it up is this- Physical beauty is the least most important attribute. If all men who cheat only went after beautiful women, showing no concern for her ability in the bedroom or her ability to feed his ‘main’ hunger or ‘desire’, then he possibly would end up in the same situation that led him to cheat in the first place.

    The ‘other’ woman is not who he is parading around with, she is not his arm candy…she is usually somewhat hidden and underneath the radar. It’s pretty obvious that the ‘other woman’ is fulfilling a need that goes beyond appearance and personally, if ‘appearance’ was such a major attribute…he probably would have not had the desire to stray in the first place.

    • Amen .well said .iam gping through the same situation .found out that my ex now was having an affair with an ugly man looking women who lives in his neighborhood .he used tell me .men look at women like we look at shoes u have the blaniks who we can wear to show them off and the flipflop that we wear to the bathroom .its not about looks or intelligence .is all about ego validation .and how easy she is and how nice she was lol .A YES WOMEN PRETTY MUCH .

  4. This guy has really got it wrong. Or he might have it right for himself, but he’s not representative of the larger population. Just googling for any scientific studies of male infidelity will show that it’s not about sex.

    I’m not the cheating type, but I know when I’ve walked out on a beautiful woman.

    If your girl appreciates you and you feel it, nothing can get you down. Shitty day at work? Your career ambition keeps getting harder? If you’ve got a girl who makes you feel like you will do it and she’s by your side, why would you look anywhere else?

    As opposed to “Honey, what did I tell you about leaving wet towels here? Didn’t we agree that they are meant to be in the hamper?” and always questioning your abilities. No wonder when you meet that girl in accounts who looks at you like she knows your real worth, no wonder she looks gorgeous.

    Only 8 per cent of the men said that sexual dissatisfaction at home was a primary contributor. The No. 1 answer, 48 per cent, was emotional dissatisfaction at home. And that fit with another amazing statistic: 88 per cent of the men said the mistress was no better-looking or was not in better shape than their own wives. It’s not about sex. It’s much more about a lack of thoughtful gestures at home.

  5. Wynch, you’re not ugly. Don’t let the haters get to you. You’re obviously smart, and have an amazingly generous heart. You also call bullshit, bullshit. Maybe men want to get in your pants because they find you quite attractive in these and other ways. And maybe they don’t dump their conventionally pretty girlfriends because they’re mired in convention.

  6. Average, objectively, I know I’m not hideous. It’s just that I don’t look like the media template, and that makes me socially ugly.

    As much as Roissy professes that there’s no such thing for men, I have to disagree. If it wasn’t social, they’d feel no need to tell a girl she was ugly, or select her for exploitation on that basis. It would just be understood, and she’d simply be ignored.

    I also do field experiments to see how I’m treated, depending on how I’m dressed, and how I treat others. There’s a big difference in how I’ll be treated if I dress western and behave like a shy girl, and if I dress ethnic and behave assertively bubbly.

    When I’m dressed western, I tend to draw negative people and negative comments. When I dress like myself, I tend to draw positive people and positive comments because I’ve taken the same body out of the western social context.

    Apparently, it does make a difference, at least for “non 10’s”.

  7. Exoticism and energy is alluring. Your face is pretty, not average. Being overweight is a major negative.

    There’s no excuse for exploiting anyone, ugly or not. I don’t believe that attacking ugly women is an evolved model in men.

    Most adult men’s mothers are old, ugly, and fat. But loved very much.

    I hope you get the good sex and true love that you and everyone deserves.

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