Hell Hath No Fury

It has come to light that the fact of Obsidian’s blog being taken out happening on the tail of the swirling discussion was just a matter of coincidence.  The true culprit is a “repressed” writer who believes people shouldn’t be allowed to critique her articles: Bene Viera.

To get an idea of how petty she is, here’s the Google cached response to her article Dumb it Down.  Apparently disagreement with an Essence writer is against WordPress’s terms of service now.  More later.

Original article:

Seems that after a series of posts and a debate on “swirl” (White male/Black female) interethnic dating, and why it’s usually either a bad option or not an option for Black women, Obsidian’s blog has been suspended.  WordPress.com being a free service, reserves the right to delete or suspend at will, but I find it a little hypocritical, considering some of the other blogs they host.

Now y’all see why it’s worth it to pay for hosting elsewhere, and just use the software.

We have a lot of intense debates out here in the blogosphere.  So far, it has managed to be not as chaotic and spammy as Usenet, but one of the few flavors of internet where people can have honest dialogue.  Things get hot sometimes, but that’s how we like it.  It’s kinda screwed up when someone gets butthurt and decides that since they don’t like what someone else has to say, they must be silenced altogether.  There’s a kind of trust out here that so long as no personal infomation unavailable to the public is posted non consensually, and no slandering is done, people are welcome to differ in opinion.  Anything too far below the belt can be moderated or deleted anyway.

I wonder how whoever complained about Obsidian figures they’ve silenced him.  Why would they want to?

In my observation of the events that unfolded, it seems some women don’t like to be told that they’re ugly.  Being told one is ugly means, to them, being told that they are wrong or somehow less worthy to exist or have a partner.  In the west, where a certain look is the most important thing, it may be true that this is how most people think.  May be…it is.  Let’s be real.

In such an environment, where the neatly compartmentalized, feminine fat deposits, golden to chocolate skin, and brilliant cloud of curls that is the Black woman, is relegated to the fetish or freak tastes, such women will have limited options.  Those options are going to be limited to those who are either of the same ethnicity, or those who are so domiant and/or independent of thought as to not give a crap what’s trendy. 

It doesn’t matter that most men would shag a Black woman if given the chance.  Most non Black men wouldn’t even think of committing to one of us.  That’s just how it is.  No matter how beautiful we are or how sweet, they won’t want us for more than a sperm deposit.  In countries where they have less tact, they’ll explain it to you.

Add that to the amount of feminist koolade too many Black American women drink and then piss all over men, whether they deserve it or not.   Most of us may not be raging harpies, but it works sort of like the radical Muslim minority.  The harpies are a minority who are very loud and visible, and give the rest of us a bad name.  We do not do enough to counter this stereotype, and keep the harpies among us in check.  So people equate being Black and female with having a bad attitude or being so horridly leftist that they kind of join in the national bad attitude of over entitlement.

Some men who wouldn’t have a problem dating a Black woman because of ethnic nationalism, have a problem with the attitude.

Then, we have the absolutely atrocious style of dress way too many young, Black women have adopted: street corner chic.

Look, if you dress like a whore, guys are going to treat you that way, especially those who are outside your ethnicity.

Why is it a problem for someone to say this?  Most Black American women are not competitive in a multicultural dating/marriage market.

Is it because he’s male and said it?  Do tell.


My pronouns are whatever you're comfortable with as long as you speak to me with respect. I'm an Afruikan and Iswa refugee living in Canaan. That's African American expat in Israel in Normalian. I build websites, make art, and assist people in exercising their spirituality. I'm also the king of an ile, Baalat Teva, a group of African spirituality adherents here. Feel free to contact me if you are in need of my services or just want to chat.


  1. Hey Nicole,

    I dont dispute the points Obsidian(or you) make, I have made the same claims elsewhere. However, I do think many black women, especially those who are open to other races are hypersensitve to people (especially other blacks) saying its damn near impossible to find a serious, long term non-black mate. It maybe harder for us, but not impossible.

    I understand the the value(or lack thereof) placed on black women in society, I just think people take it too far and try to imply that any black woman that wants to date/marry out is setting herself up to die alone. Also, it is true that “swirl” wont work for most black women (lack of attraction to other races, racism, low SMV ect), however most black women are not interested in men of other races anyway. Thats another problem I have with this debate as it pertains to Obsidian. He has stated most black women cant do IR, as if the majority of black women are seeking men of other races. The minority of black women that do “swirl” should be left to do what they please (granted some do bring heat upon themselves by promoting IRR). Instead, a lot of people cant wait to throw it in their faces that Asians, Latinas, and Whites are more coveted mates. Its like, “Okay we get it, we arent considered hott. Can we at least get with the men we want without being reminded that we aint shit?” Last I checked groups dont marry each other, individuals do. I understand that black women, as a group, are not as coveted as other races of women, but I’m not going to allow that to stop me from dating the men that approach me. Likewise, if a non-black man wants to take me out Im not going to be paranoid about his motives and automatically think he wants to use me.

    Its true that in the world of women black women are considered at the bottom(in the US at least). This may be hard for many to hear but look at the media, internet forums, ect no other woman has to put up with being trolled this hard. Even in black hip-hop videos we are replaced by biracial, if not full on white and non-black women. However, I think we need to keep things in perspective. Just because the sexual marketplace is harsher on black women doesnt mean its impossible for a black woman to get what she wants, given her expectations are reasonable.

    -Sorry if this post seems a bit ranty and all over the place. Just thought I’d get a few things off my chest 🙂

  2. Y, nobody was saying that it’s impossible for a Black woman to secure a non Black mate. What we’re saying is that White men are no escape from the realities of womanhood. We’re competing with non Black women even for Black men.

    Also, one should be aware of the tendencies of men of other ethnicities with regards to interethnic dating. We always hear the success stories, but very few are willing to look for the horror stories.

    It is not as simple as dating the guys who are interested in you. Some are interested for the wrong reasons, and others think they are stronger than they really are. In the long run, their resolve weakens and they get tired of getting looked down on or not having a woman all their friends want to, or will admit to wanting to shag.

    It’s not that White men are a particularly bad choice, but that people in general, are sheep. Guys shag because of personal taste, but date and marry partly for social validation.

    A non Black guy with a lot of street credibility in a machismo friendly field, is generally going to fare better in this than Jonny Cubicle. Black women should be aware of these things and not get butthurt over people telling them the truth.

    We’re trying to help you expand your options, not say that you have no options. If you want a better chance of getting a decent man, Black, White, or Purple, you need to understand what the universal standards are.

  3. Well, you are correct. I really never thought about it in those terms, partly because I’m not looking to marry any time soon. Anyways I do enjoy your insight.

    When it comes to these universal standards, do you believe black women are lagging behind because many do not want to follow good advice or do you think we, as a group, are just clueless?

  4. I think it’s a matter of taking the wrong advice. African women from Africa don’t seem to have the same issues Black American women do with this.

  5. Hi Nicole,
    First of all, I want to thank you for your support, not only of me personally, but more importantly, your support of the facts that we collectively struggle against seeing that’s right under our noses. I find it fascinating that Y doesn’t actually address the many legitimate points you make Black Women overall – and I’m not saying that Y has to go on a One Sista Mission to address her fellow Sistas here – just simply acknowledge what you’re saying. She doesn’t -then, she misrepresents my positon on the question/matter of “swirling”. That’s unfair, because I’ve gone out of my way to be fair on the matter, to not lump all Black Women who find themselves in IRRs in one basket. Which probably explains why you haven’t come after me.:)

    By now you’ve probably heard, but actually, it wasn’t the “swirlers” that were at issue here, but rather, a really troubled young lady named Bene Viera. I wrote a response to an article she wrote, which appeared in Clutch magazine and Essence magazine, “Dumb It Down”. The article, which Viera was being feted on to discuss on the Michael Baisden Show, a nationally syndicated radio program here in the States, was the source of her being “butthurt” by me. My response really put the screws to her and her views. Of course, it may not be able to be viewed at this point (you could try the Google cache; it was posted on my blog on Sep 9, 2010, under the title Debating the Dumb It Down Dilemma), but as I’ve been able to retrieve my entire blog content from WordPress, it will appear with everything else in due course. Yes, that means that I’ve decided to take the plunge and get my own fully functioning blog. I’ve been in negotiations with some really sharp people who have been most helpful to me in this regard, giving me all kinds of helpful advice and so on. So, that’s something I’m working on.

    Thanks again so much for your support, Nicole. Much appreciated!


  6. Goodness gracious! So it was even more petty than I thought. A man isn’t allowed to critique an article anymore???

    Oh, now it’s on. It is ON!

  7. Hi Nicole,
    Thanks so much for fishing out the article that started it all, LOL. I’ve written two responses to Ms. Viera’s petty personal attacks on me: one is called An Open Letter To Bene Viera, or words to that effect, and the followup was called Do You Want More. In total, I’ve written less than five pices dedicated to her, out of nearly three hundred posts to date.

    Moreover, the bone of contention was that I had posted a picture of her which was posted on another website, a publicly accessible one. The picture wasn’t lewd in anyway, just a standard straghtahead headshot portrait kind of thing. Anyway, the guy who owns the site evidently likes Ms. Viera (could even be her Man? *shrugs*) and the pic accompanies a post about her showing up on a nationally syndicated radio show to discuss the very article that’s at the heart of the controversey.

    Here’s what Ms. Viera hasd to say about my article above:

    “It’s really sad that you are so unoriginal that you have to use my name to gain Google hits to your blog. I didn’t read your post because I have no desire to. However, I do think it’s pathetic that every time I write an article for the various publications I contribute to, you attempt to contact me on Twitter to inform me you’re going to write a rebuttal. I’ve ignored you a number of times until I finally had to block you. How about coming up with your own content? Why write a response to every single piece I write? That’s creepy and kind of whack. But good luck with using my name to get traffic to your site.”

    As you can see from my open letters in the weeks that would follow, Ms. Viera was quite indeed vexed that such a lowly Brotha could give her such rhetorical agita. I’m deeply thinking through how I’m gonna respond to all this, among them being, definitely, me getting my own full-on website. This gal’s messing with a sleeping giant…

    Thanks so much again for all your support!


  8. What points do I need to address obs? I stated that I generally agree with the post. My only concern is whenever this topic is brought up the first thing people run to is how bw are the last picked, beauty standards ect as they want to deter bw(the ones that are open to it) from consider other men. Sorry if I misrepresented your position but you did state on your that most bw can’t “swirl” to that I said: what does it matter if most aren’t interested anyway?

    What exactly did I say that is “misrepresentin” your position?

  9. Obsidian, it’s no problem. This is a Pandora’s box issue that needs nipping in the bud. Before she starts running around with the “ask me how…” I wanted to let her know how she screwed up. This isn’t about copyright laws. This is about capone-ing blogs one disagrees with.

    If it was the letter of fair use that she was concerned about, you could have captioned the photo with, “Sorry photographer. No amount of posterize filter is going to make this face more friendly,” and that would have been okay.

    What really struck me about the conversation is that she didn’t know whether to be the victim or the bully. If she wasn’t thought policing, then anything else you said wouldn’t and shouldn’t have mattered, just that the photo was used without her explicit permission.

    I wonder if she’s going to sue Google now. LOL!

  10. Hi Nicole, Y,
    Nicole, OF COURSE this isn’t about “copyright” laws and other BS – its a cowardly way of silencing somebody whom they couldn’t deal with otherwise. Again, notice that throughout the entire exchange btw you and that knucklehead White Knight “Pro”, that he never once, addressed what I actually said in my response piece to Viera’s “Dumb It Down”. Not. Once. He can tapdance around it all he wants, but that is the central issue.

    Also: notice that I wrote an article on my blog about Jill Scott, you can look it up in the Google cache for yourself – she too writes for Essence magazine. Have I heard from her people, threatening me with lawsuits and the like? To ask the question, is to answer it. Same deal with Marc Lamont Hill, another very well known young Black face in a high place – in fact, not only did he read my critique of him, but we had a very nice Twitter confab to boot – no “diva” moments or anything like that.

    Please do not get it twisted that this little episode will be the last of The Obsidian Files. Far from it, in fact, I’ve got plans in the works to make it bigger and better, by going “pro” myself. It’s about time that there was a space for Brothas to speak up about a conversation that Sistas like Ms. Viera has had a stranglehold in the public square on for far too long. What originally started out as an enthused hobby, has now become a real mission for me.

    It’s ON – just like you said. “Pro” won’t know what hit him…


  11. Oh yea, Y,
    If you will kindly recall I was very careful not to lump in all “swirlers” into the same boat. What I was focused on, were those who “swirl with anger” aimed at Black Men. This was the point of my post about Jasmin. I was never talking about you, although Nicole’s right, it is important to note the horror stories of “swirling” as much as the success stories, and i notice that the Natashas and Jasmins of the world don’t tend to do that. They tend to “oversell” the whole “swirl” thing, and I think that runs the risk of really harming a lot of Sistas out there.

    There’s more that I could say, but that’s really it in a nutshell.


  12. @ Obsidian

    I can dig it. I actually wrote a post about something similar early this morning…I’ll post it soon.

  13. Pingback: Low-Self Esteem, Bashing, or Just Keepin’ It Real? « Zaire

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