One of the biggest lies that get people in trouble nowadays, is that everyone deserves unconditional love. This is only true of babies and other severely disabled people who have never done anything wrong to anyone on purpose, and have no control over what happens to them.
The moment someone does have control of their behavior and choices, they can either disqualify or qualify themselves for love. You are free to love yourself as much as you like or as you can, but others are not obligated to love you. How they feel about you or anyone else is their business and their choice or impulse. It is not for you to say whether they should or shouldn’t, just to accept whether they do or don’t.
As someone who often walks the road less traveled, and says things many people do not want to hear, I understand and accept that few people are going to love me or feel benevolent towards me. Some are going to hate, dislike, or be totally indifferent to me. I did not earn those people’s love, and do not wish to earn love from them, and I am not entitled to it.
If anything, I do hope that they will at least respect me, and respect my “right” to live and to speak. I earn their respect by respecting myself, and respecting their right to live and to speak. So generally, I am respected. When someone brings me their disrespect, I earn it another way by making it clear that they will not cross my boundaries. When they try, they get pushed back. If they try again, inasmuch as it is in my power, they are rendered incapable of making another attempt. I am sure that at that point, I still haven’t earned their respect, just their fear…and this is good enough to pass.
…but love? No.
If you treat people in an unloving way, express hate towards them, hurt them, use, abuse, or exploit them, you don’t deserve their love. If you are not considerate of others’ needs, you don’t deserve their love. If you make yourself repellant, you don’t deserve for people to be attracted to you.
It is important for you to maintain your integrity, and it is good for you to have self esteem, but none of your inner world can be forcibly imposed on others. If you are treated unfairly, this is good to recognize, but it is only unfair if you are not getting what you are giving. If you are getting back what you give, then that is fair.
If you give others hell and make life miserable for them when they are with you or under your authority, and they don’t punish you blow for blow, and just choose to be away from you, then they are being generous. Nobody has to take your abuse.
If you abuse people, you do not deserve to be loved. You deserve to be hated.
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