Star Wars, The Force Awakens: A Review From Someone Who Isn’t a Stupid Herdbeast

(Spoiler alert!)

I went to see the new Star Wars the day it opened.  I’d hear a lot of hype from both the so-called left and right about how feminist and multicultural the movie was.  Some were praising it.  Some were condemning it.  I wanted to see it for myself.  Here is my impression of the movie.  Some of the time line may be off because I only saw it once, and was not very impressed.

For those sensitive readers, let me be clear that I personally do not enjoy using the “n” word a lot in normal conversation because I’m a lady.  I do not approve of it at all as a racial slur, not that anyone who would use it as such cares what I think.  However, that and other derogatory terms will be used in this summary for the sake of honesty about stereotypes in film.

• “Magical nigger” stormtrooper who inexplicably realizes that exterminating an entire village is wrong.
• The brave shahid pilot is captured and mind-raped by a drag queen in a mask.
• Pale Orphan Girl scavenges, makes a pittance, and eats it in her lonely hole.
• Magical Nigger and Shahid help each other to escape.
• Of course, Shahid dies because that’s what they do.
• Magical Nigger takes Shahid’s jacket, and travels through the desert.  He survives because The Blackness.
• He sees an inexplicably pale humanoid woman defending the robot he was told was important, and falls in love at first sight because, Blazing Saddles old joke.
• Pale Orphaness and Magical Nigger have to escape and they bond but not romantically because it’s not a boyfriend she needs.
• They get to Han Solo and Chewbacca, and Pale Orphaness falls in daughter-love with Han Solo…a self destructive chronic gambler.
• Spiritual Sister (a more literally magical negress in an alien body because I guess they didn’t want it to be too obvious) tries to help Pale Orphan find herself.
• The movie drags on until you find out that Han Solo and Princess Leia’s relationship tanked at some point, and the drag queen Kylo Ren is their son.  In other words, their broken home produced a monster with a fondness for masks and black leggings.
• Queen Kylo captures and mind rapes Pale Orphan, who turns out to be strong with the Force.  He removes his mask.  Those of us who have seen this video laugh out loud in the movie theater.  She rapes him back.
• Then, as if the stereotypes couldn’t pile any higher, Magical Nigger was a garbage man.
• Queen Kylo kills his alienated father because parental alienation syndrome.
• While the New Rebel Alliance is blowing stuff up, Queen Kylo beats the living shit out of Magical Nigger.  That’s what he gets for loving a Pale woman in a Disney film.
• Outraged Pale Orphan beats up Queen Kylo.  Then she escapes with the near comatose Magical Nigger.
• Having lost her father figure, she goes to seek a new one in Luke Skywalker.
• She finds him and pleads with her eyes, and he looks back at her like a crazy dude.

I fail to see how this movie was feminist or multicultural.  The female protagonist spent the whole movie looking for a daddy.  The brown storm trooper…magical, runaway slave, fell in love with the first pale woman he wasn’t directly ordered to shoot in the head, garbage man, got his butt kicked by a pale effeminate dude because the pale dude had “stronger mental powers”.  The single mom raised an emo monster with gender issues.  There were so many ethnic stereotypes covered by a thin sci-fi veneer that it was more of a comedy than an action movie.

…and what’s funny to me is that both sides are still debating about whether its being feminist and multicultural is a good thing or bad thing.  Did they not see the same movie I saw?  Are some people so desperate for validation that they will suck up anything that looks like validation?  Are some people so desperate to make themselves more victim than thou, that they cry about not being the favorite tools and tokens anymore?

Looks like the answer is yes to both.  Never underestimate human stupidity.